My ex-husband is the person who initiated separation and divorce. He wasn't happy in the marriage and gave the marriage counsellor a ten page list of his grievances about me. (yeah, ten pages). He told her if she couldn't "fix me", our marriage was over. If I was unable or unwilling to correct all (the ten pages) of my faults, then the marriage was over.
The counsellors eyebrows went up and she looked at me and asked, "Have you read this?", to which I answered "Yes". "How did I feel after reading it?" "Pretty angry -- never angrier in my life. The complaints are unfair and I wondered who he was writing about."
She looked at him, "It is unreasonable to expect someone to change entirely. I haven't read this document yet, but everybody has to compromise and you won't get anywhere by blaming the other person".
So that was the beginning of the end. Oh, and I was seven months pregnant at the time.
Fast forward six months when baby is four months old -- Husband gives me his first separation agreement a few days after Christmas. I had thought things were improving between us since we'd been going to marriage counselling. Once I got over the initial shock, denial and anger, I wanted the parting to be as amicable as possible.
Over the years (nine years), it will not be. He wanted out of the marriage and he is getting what he wants, yet he is still unhappy and refuses to communicate with me about the children. He has ignored the concerns I had when the kids were smaller and I've learned to not communicate with him, except when absolutely necessary. He raises topics, I respond (dealing with just the facts) and he claims I don't respond, years after I did (I have the emails to prove that I did respond).
It's easier for me when he has a girlfriend and he went through a number of them (about five in five years), but he hasn't had a female companion for a couple of years, so now he's taking out all his bitterness on me.
He's threatened to take me to court again later this year, for nothing (I guess he's trying to think of a reason to take me to court).
He wanted the separation and divorce. He has what he wants, so why does he still try to torment me? I just don't get it. I don't lose any sleep over it, but I wish he'd just leave me alone.
Why do exes continue to be so darned difficult when they got what they wanted?
The counsellors eyebrows went up and she looked at me and asked, "Have you read this?", to which I answered "Yes". "How did I feel after reading it?" "Pretty angry -- never angrier in my life. The complaints are unfair and I wondered who he was writing about."
She looked at him, "It is unreasonable to expect someone to change entirely. I haven't read this document yet, but everybody has to compromise and you won't get anywhere by blaming the other person".
So that was the beginning of the end. Oh, and I was seven months pregnant at the time.
Fast forward six months when baby is four months old -- Husband gives me his first separation agreement a few days after Christmas. I had thought things were improving between us since we'd been going to marriage counselling. Once I got over the initial shock, denial and anger, I wanted the parting to be as amicable as possible.
Over the years (nine years), it will not be. He wanted out of the marriage and he is getting what he wants, yet he is still unhappy and refuses to communicate with me about the children. He has ignored the concerns I had when the kids were smaller and I've learned to not communicate with him, except when absolutely necessary. He raises topics, I respond (dealing with just the facts) and he claims I don't respond, years after I did (I have the emails to prove that I did respond).
It's easier for me when he has a girlfriend and he went through a number of them (about five in five years), but he hasn't had a female companion for a couple of years, so now he's taking out all his bitterness on me.
He's threatened to take me to court again later this year, for nothing (I guess he's trying to think of a reason to take me to court).
He wanted the separation and divorce. He has what he wants, so why does he still try to torment me? I just don't get it. I don't lose any sleep over it, but I wish he'd just leave me alone.
Why do exes continue to be so darned difficult when they got what they wanted?
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