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Decisions - who has the say when you can’t agree

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  • Decisions - who has the say when you can’t agree

    I am curious to get people’s opinions on the latest in my fiasco.
    A discussion was had recently during which I told my ex that I felt our child was old enough next school year to get himself on the bus in the morning (ending the need for daycare). He objected, of course, and told me it was his decision too. I told him he could make arrangements on his parenting time to get our kid to school as he sees fit and I’d do the same.
    This is the letter I got today (shorter version):

    “This actually is a JOINT PARENTING DECISION to allow our child to stay home by himself and for arrangements for him in the fall. This WILL be a decision BOTH of us have a say in.

    If you try making this decision on your own, things will unfortunately come to a head from a legal perspective. Our child’s safety and security are BOTH of our businesses, regardless of on whose “parenting time” they occur on. I’m sure you can agree on that one.”

    The child in question is 12 and is entering grade 7 in the fall. He is also an incredibly responsible and organized child. I have discussed this with him and he is keen to try it. I feel it’s just another example of my ex opposing anything he can, regardless of best interests of the child.

    Is he right that this is a joint custody decision and I shouldn’t be deciding on my own or is it my time, my plan? Who ultimately decides this if we don’t agree?





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  • #2
    I would say your time your plan.

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    • #3
      Enroll you kid in a babysitter course. Then your ex can't argue about nothing.
      I believe that a child has to be age 11 in some/most areas of Canada to be able to babysit. So if your child is of age to babysit himself it doesn't make much sense that he has to have daycare or a babysitter. Course is a good thing for safety while home alone anyhow.

      your ex is an idiot IMO

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      • #4
        So your child is on his own in the morning and will be responsible to get ready on time, lock the house, and get to the bus on time? Do you have a backup for the mornings he sleeps late or is just too slow and misses the bus?

        Work out the "what ifs" with your child and give him a chance to show he can be responsible. 12 is a great age - and grade 7 is just fine (a little later than the average around here). If his dad prefers another option on his time that will be up to him.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by arabian View Post
          Enroll you kid in a babysitter course. Then your ex can't argue about nothing.
          I believe that a child has to be age 11 in some/most areas of Canada to be able to babysit. So if your child is of age to babysit himself it doesn't make much sense that he has to have daycare or a babysitter. Course is a good thing for safety while home alone anyhow.

          your ex is an idiot IMO


          He has already done both the babysitting course and the Home Alone course.


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          • #6
            Originally posted by momof2teenboys View Post
            So your child is on his own in the morning and will be responsible to get ready on time, lock the house, and get to the bus on time? Do you have a backup for the mornings he sleeps late or is just too slow and misses the bus?



            Work out the "what ifs" with your child and give him a chance to show he can be responsible. 12 is a great age - and grade 7 is just fine (a little later than the average around here). If his dad prefers another option on his time that will be up to him.


            That’s what I was thinking. My ex would never have to leave him alone since the parenting schedule is set up so that he only has them on his days off, but I don’t think that means he can dictate what I decide for my parenting time.
            As for backups and what if’s - yes we will have to have all the details ironed out for what will happen in the event of different scenarios....missing the bus being one of them.


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            • #7
              Your parenting time, your decision. Besides daycare programs end at age 12.

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              • #8
                yep he's not very smart

                How embarrassing for a young man/boy that his father thinks he needs a babysitter so he can get to and from school.....

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                • #9
                  Ange, why even reply? Dont fuel his fire.

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                  • #10
                    This is in no way a joint parenting decision. That would extend to things like medical, religious and education. Day to day care decisions are up to the parent who has them on that day.

                    I would simply ignore. He can do what he wants on his time, if he chooses daycare then so be it, you are in no way obligated to do the same.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Ange71727 View Post
                      Is he right that this is a joint custody decision and I shouldn’t be deciding on my own or is it my time, my plan? Who ultimately decides this if we don’t agree?

                      There is a certain irony in that now you are on the receiving end of some helicoptering. How does it feel to have the other parent assert that they have the right to make decisions during your time?


                      Much like communication protocols, parents gets decide on transportation options for their children during their time. I would not even respond to the father on this one. Let him start crap if he wants to do so. It won't go anywhere.

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                      • #12
                        I don’t find it ironic at all because I am not a helicopter parent. I find it annoying more than anything and think that his hatred for me clouds his judgement.
                        I do think you’re wrong about me Janus but you’re entitled to your opinion.
                        This is an example of the constant helicoptering I encounter with my ex. Two more emails this morning from him....


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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Ange71727 View Post
                          I don’t find it ironic at all because I am not a helicopter parent. I find it annoying more than anything and think that his hatred for me clouds his judgement.
                          I do think you’re wrong about me Janus but you’re entitled to your opinion.
                          This is an example of the constant helicoptering I encounter with my ex. Two more emails this morning from him....


                          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


                          I think by law a child has to be 12 to babysit another child. So your child most definitely is able to do the morning routine on his own. I would just ignore the emails as well.


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                          • #14
                            Thanks everyone. I am going to ignore this email and we will see what happens.


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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
                              I think by law a child has to be 12 to babysit another child. So your child most definitely is able to do the morning routine on his own. I would just ignore the emails as well.


                              Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                              There are zero laws around what age kids can babysit or stay home alone.

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