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Old 12-09-2013, 07:43 AM
ByMyself ByMyself is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 125
ByMyself is an unknown quantity at this point

I think what actually needs to happen is that SHE needs to change lol.
That may be, but you have no control over that, and you don't have enough time or energy in your life to even try.

How does it change things between the parties?
Often the conflict surrounding HC parties is the issue of control. Some are masters at emotional manipulation to get what they want. They bully over the phone, where their webs of lies and deceit go largely unrecorded, thus unnoticed and unpunished. They fire off questionable texts, hoping to draw you into another of their battles, and then once you engage, you are often labelled by them as being the hc party.

Does OFW change things between the parties? It can- depends on how you use it. It does allow the non-hc party to communicate effectively without being manipulated/ bullied, giving them a chance to break free of the conflict as much as possible, and show they can effectively communicate regarding their children. The HC party may behave better, because they know they are "being watched". No deleting emails, denying you read something, etc.

If both parties use it as a tool to try to bait and engage the other parent, then it is no more useful than anything else. Often HC scenarios are a bit of both parents being involved in the conflict. If you don't try to change, don't expect any more from the other parent.

There have been a number of great posts and advice on this forum on identifying and dealing with high conflict ex's. Search and read. Then do it again. There is lots of help with this topic.

How to approach the Family Wizard scenario?

Document your communications, as they historically have been. The communications you have as evidence - do they show manipulation, bullying, lying, "Sorry - I didn't get that email/ text/ etc."? Any evidence of communication problems can help you in your request with the judge.

Try to get your ex to sign up on consent. Maybe even offer to pay their share (it will cost you an extra $100 I believe). If they turn it down, then you will need to seek out an order for it.

If you feel they will not use Family Wizard, or not pick up/ respond to emails frequently, you may need a carefully worded order. It should specify that Our Family Wizard is to be the primary tool for communication between the parties in matters regarding the children.

You may want to include that text messaging should only be used for issues of a scheduling nature, within x hours of access exchanges. Phone calls to be used for emergency basis only, such as emergency medical issues requiring immediate attention, that could not otherwise be dealt with effectively via Family Wizard.

Specify who is to pay for Family Wizard. Specify how often the parties are expected to check for messages, and expected response times.

With a carefully written order, with clear, stated expectations and measurable timelines, it will be enforceable at a later date if the other party decides they don't want to use it anymore, or just ignores the order. Saying "Both parties to use Family Wizard for their communications" isn't enough to be enforceable.
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