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Old 09-26-2008, 09:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Grover View Post
but I guess there are two issues.... how do we change the status quo based on the child, and why are there no consequences for these sort of actions?
After muliple breaches of our agreement, I struggled with the same question about consequences when I went through the courts. There aren't any consequences because they would involve upsetting the child's routine (ill conceived as it is). You can't very well jail the parent, that would take him/her away from the child who needs the parenting. If you fine that parent, that takes resources from the child. If you give custody to the other parent, that is a wholesale disruption (however valid) to the child.

It may be well and truly best for the child to have the routine changed, but the court, at a distance, can only at best have a tip of the iceberg view of the situation, so it is forced to play the least risky (for the court and the child) hand it can.

The really sad thing about the whole thing is that the court has to be involved in the first place. That speaks to the inability of one or both parents to put the child's interest first. Very sadly, it is often the lesser equipped, but cunning, parent, who ends up with custody. Even more sadly, many lawyers encourage this process.

As far as changing the status quo, FL above has the answer. Stay child focused, adhere to the access schedule, etc. Unfortunately, there are no quick fixes. Patience, patience and perseverence will carry the day. It's so so very sad that the most important thing in your entire life hangs in the balance.