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  • #91
    Agree, not attacking Links. I think the posters are giving their opinions to try and convince him he is wrong. Well no one here can technically be wrong, its an opinion forum. People share stories and ask for feedback. I guess sometimes the feedback is not always friendly or what the poster had hoped to receive. But then that is life and as adults we are supposed to be equipped to deal the the hard knocks of life.

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    • #92
      Ooops! Connection scrambled my post. See below.

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      • #93
        Objectivity signifies maturity.

        Convincing a poster s/he is "wrong" tells me that those are the practices some posters employ in their own legal cases. "Opinions" and how strongly they are expressed here sometimes are indicative of the troubles / hostility some of the posters face with their own exes because of their lack of restraint to impose an opinion that someone is "wrong."

        An appropriate delivery of any opinion / view / position is key.

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        • #94
          Agree, Well not everyone comes blessed with tact and diplomacy. Also the anonymous element in a forum gives posters the ability to "shoot from the hip".

          Face to face discussions will always render a different result then emails and postings on a forum.

          Communication methods are a big issue now. Our society relies on media to communicate. Couples breakup on FB and the. Wonder why!

          Gone are the days when you actually had to face someone to communicate with them. Different world, different values and different outcomes.

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          • #95
            Well, if it helps, my situation with X is quite hostile too but not for lack of trying. However, taking it out on others based on my experience would be against my character, anonymous or not. If everyone here was truly trying to work with their exes "in the best interests of their child/ren" (statement far too often projected), wouldn't they be able to demonstrate said capability and willingness by their treatment of others even on a public board?

            To the OP, my apologies for sidetracking your post..

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            • #96
              Yes, sorry about the subject change.

              But I do not think posters are really taking it out on others, they are really just speaking from their own experience.

              I am not divorced or separated, but a mother of a daughter who has found herself in this situation. So maybe my perspective will be different than the posters who has genuine fear of his ex's ability to make the right decisions.

              However, that being true I do not think reading into statistics and stating that there is a higher chance of children being at risk with a stepdad is necessarily helping anyone, not even the poster.

              We sidetracked because you had suggested he sit down and " interview" the new partner. I do not think that is realistic, but would hope in a perfect world ex's could come to live with each other and move towards good communication, which as you have just stated is a long long road for some.

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              • #97
                An "interview"? No. A meeting over coffee to allow for a judgement call (a judgement call can be on oneself too), to lessen the anxiety of the OP's distrust of his ex. And a reasonable strategy to move on from there.

                Your view / opinion in your last post was perfect, objective, and laced with your experience. Its delivery came across as more productive compared to some of the previous posts from other members. That's all I wanted to point out.

                This approach would make it a lot easier for posters who are in real panicked situations while they consider family law channels to justify their fears.

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                • #98
                  I have no right to tell my ex who or what to do.

                  If there is a clear and present provable danger then I can file a motion - that is the extent of my involvement in her life.

                  "A fool learns from their own mistakes and a wise person learns from the mistakes of others" This expression is rooted in researching statistics and other similar things in order to not get caught in the mistakes of others.

                  All I am saying is taht step fathers are OVER-REPRESENTED in abuse against daughters compared to bio-fathers.

                  Even if I "feel" my ex's boyfriend is going to molest my child unless I have some clear evidence or something very compelling then I am going to shut my mouth - I am not going to ruin people's lives and relationships because of statistics.

                  There is no "emotional" reasoning - there is the statistical fact, there is my situation, there are precautions I can take, things I can watch out for and thats it.

                  I don't have the right to meet my ex's boyfriend to "allay" my unfounded fears of her boyfriend

                  And on another note, I married my ex mostly for sex I didn't realize/know about child/spousal support and all this other garbage otherwise I would have never gone this for with the tramp. All this "At one point, you trusted her BS" is BS. Just because I married you doesn't mean I thought you were smart enough to manage your own affairs. There are some people that are stupid and some that aren't. Being intelligent isn't always the reason to marry soembody

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                  • #99
                    Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                    I have no right to tell my ex who or what to do.
                    Correct.

                    Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                    If there is a clear and present provable danger then I can file a motion - that is the extent of my involvement in her life.
                    You're both co-parents. Think about your statement here.

                    Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                    There is no "emotional" reasoning - there is the statistical fact, there is my situation, there are precautions I can take, things I can watch out for and thats it.
                    Yes, but as a "good parent" you would be vigilant about any changed behaviours in your kids, not just potential abuse.

                    Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                    I don't have the right to meet my ex's boyfriend to "allay" my unfounded fears of her boyfriend
                    No, you don't have the "right" per se.. It would be something you would consider for your child/ren. A way to move forward. It can also go a long way about your character as a parent, for the better, if you're ever in court again.

                    Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                    And on another note, I married my ex mostly for sex I didn't realize/know about child/spousal support and all this other garbage otherwise I would have never gone this for with the tramp. All this "At one point, you trusted her BS" is BS. Just because I married you doesn't mean I thought you were smart enough to manage your own affairs. There are some people that are stupid and some that aren't. Being intelligent isn't always the reason to marry soembody
                    This wasn't necessary. You've opened yourself up to an onslaught of "opinions" about what a jerk this makes you look like.

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                    • Oh I thinks he wants a fight, thats why he says what he says and that is why he is divorced. I think he is rather funny, always good entertainment. Lol:

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                      • Mommytime - when ppl get divorced they no longer have anything to do with each other unless there is something involving the children and it better be clear enough that you can prove it to a judge.

                        About my jerk commentary - I don't filter here on the forums - I call it hwo I really see it. In front of a judge I wouldn't say this and instead I would say:

                        "Yes, its true she was such a great girl - I guess we weren't compatible - we can be grrrrreat co parents though"
                        Last edited by Links17; 07-06-2014, 11:59 PM.

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                        • Originally posted by Beachnana View Post
                          Oh I thinks he wants a fight, thats why he says what he says and that is why he is divorced. I think he is rather funny, always good entertainment. Lol:
                          I'm divorced because my ex is a ho - its not very complicated when your sending naked photos of yourself to your cousin but she is SUCH a great co-parent

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                          • Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                            And on another note, I married my ex mostly for sex I didn't realize/know about child/spousal support and all this other garbage otherwise I would have never gone this for with the tramp. All this "At one point, you trusted her BS" is BS. Just because I married you doesn't mean I thought you were smart enough to manage your own affairs. There are some people that are stupid and some that aren't. Being intelligent isn't always the reason to marry soembody
                            I find this honesty quite refreshing. And isn't it very often the case that we marry someone because of attraction, and the acknowledgement that they have strengths as well as weaknesses? People have different roles during a marriage, one's strengths making up for the other's weaknesses, and it isn't until the marriage ends that the weaknesses become a problem.

                            One spouse might be bad with money, so the other partner ends up being the one who manages the family budget. Then, when they separate, the bad money manager ends up in financial trouble. The good budgeter sees themselves trapped in endless, unecessary SS payments, or watches their CS payments get wasted instead of used for the children.

                            One spouse might have poor parenting skills, a failing that is made up for by the other spouse doing the bulk of the child care. It's okay during the marriage because the good parent is there to pick up the slack. Break them up and give them 50-50, and suddenly you have the child suffering at the poor parent's home, and the good parent despairing of what's going to become of their child.

                            The logic that we were okay with these traits when we married the person so we should keep accepting them now is irrelevant, because we never expected to break up with them at that point. We expected to operate as a team and continue be able to make up for the weaknesses by being around all the time.

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                            • Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                              I'm divorced because my ex is a ho ....

                              Hilarious! Well you certainly tell it like it is!

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                              • I also do not see anything wrong with Links 17 calling his Ex a Ho ... I've many times referred to my STBX as a scumbag, Ahole and God's gift to Satan. Of course I would never talk that way in a courtroom setting.

                                In front of a judge - I refer to him as my son's father.

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