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  • Mistake

    I am posting this private PM I received with permission from the sender who wishes to remain anonymous. Unfortunately, some of the female members feel under "attack" lately, and no longer want to post. I'm doing my best to correct this. Although a healthy debate is always welcome, some members are looking for a soft place to fall and I'm hoping to bring this back to the forums. Any advice/support you could give our friend would be greatly appreciated:


    Hi Grace, this forum is so very fortunate to have you as a moderator!
    I don't want to post my question as I'm too embarrassed!
    I made many mistakes with my separation and divorce settlement. I was an emotional basket case to say the least! I just wanted my ex to go away...I agreed to everything he wanted. I still paid my lawyer an outrageous amount of money for NOT helping me.
    I have agreed to file and pay for the divorce within six months. If I don't my ex can go after me for $1,000. My lawyer has held back $800.00 from the sale of the house to finalize ( affidavit ) the divorce. What would happen if I don't file...what would happen if I file on my own?
    I feel so stupid....but at least the dysfunction is over.
    Thank you Grace for listening...rather reading my silly message!
    How on earth did you stay so strong...and or bounce back from your separation? If I remember correctly your ex is a "work of art" too.

  • #2
    Divorce can make you temporarily insane for a number of reasons and it's really important to remember that how you feel will generally dictate how you act. If you realize at this point that you have made some mistakes along the way, it is never too late to address those issues.

    I might be missing something here, but I am wondering - if you have come to an agreement, has anyone completed a separation agreement and is there an understanding between the parties that you are proceeding on an uncontested basis?

    If you are not agreeable to your divorce settlement, did you sign the separation agreement? If so, you will face some serious challenges if you intend to change it. If no agreement yet exists, then you aren't exactly in a bad position. You can amend the agreement but it would be best to get your divorce into family mediation in hopes of coming to a resolution.

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    • #3
      I too made many mistakes during my seperation. It is not shameful at all. When under such stress one does not always think clearly. I jumped into my seperation the day after I found my husband and best friend in my hot-tub...
      I agreed to many things that I now regret. Oh well....he is gone and I am strong! Good luck.

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      • #4
        That's a really good posting... you know, it's hard to put the value of having healed from the divorce in contrast to the division of assets, etc. There are some things that money can't buy and I think one of those is the peace that comes when you see how you are healing from the divorce and that you are rebuilding your life in a way that defines the person you want to become.

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