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Purchase of Snow Suits in Equal parenting

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  • #16
    How did that all play out for him and the kids

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    • #17
      Originally posted by Kkc View Post
      How did that all play out for him and the kids

      Are you asking me?

      They both stopped speaking to him several years ago. Once they hit 18 his ex pulled the “I can’t force them to speak to you” argument and he responded that it was her responsibility to encourage a relationship. He would send her emails too. Initially she would argue the computer wasn’t working, the phone wasn’t working or they had other activities. He reminded her the agreement outlined that she would make them available, provide all technology necessary and facilitate any access. After that he would get an email from her every time he called saying “I advised kid you called and played the vm for them” and then they both went away to school and had cell phones but his ex said they were adults and she had no say. She also pulled the “entitled to their privacy” argument but his lawyer shut that shit down quick. He was sort of on speaking terms with his oldest but then his ex filed a motion claiming he owed more than 80 grand in back support and expenses. (He owed 5 and it was because she refused to update and accept what he was obligated to pay). That led to kid stopping communications because he “wanted to bankrupt their mother”. Even after he won a motion she filed and said to kid he won because what she was doing was illegal, it was “the judge felt sorry for you”. And yes he tried all the “this is between your mother and I” and “please stop getting involved” and “what goes on between your mother and I is not your business” responses. Even saw a therapist to manage his alienation. Problem was mom gave them too much power and was adept at playing the victim and the kids were over 18. Now there is no communication. He reaches out every now and then but when your “kids” are in their mid 20s, are spoiled and self entitled and entirely brainwashed by their mother, it’s a lost cause. I am ok with it because I got sick of watching them abuse him and also have him suck up the abuse because at least they were “in his life”. It is truly heartbreaking to see how kids are used. I saw a meme once that said “I love my kids but hate my ex more”. Totally true!

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      • #18
        Originally posted by rockscan View Post
        What�s that phrase me love here?

        Not the hill to die on.

        Seriously. If you are going to be forced to buy them just suck it up and do it. Your kids are warm. One winter my sister had to buy three pairs of snow pants as her kid insisted on crawling and sliding through the gravel lot. She then resorted to sewing patches on the damn things. Kid wailed and my sister told her either quit playing like an animal or suck it up.
        towards the end of the season- I will use coloured ducktape (if I have it...if not- grey). My kid, luckily, doesn't care. (yet).

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        • #19
          Originally posted by Brampton33 View Post
          Thanks Iona for your example. I appreciate how frustrating it is. I will carry on and simply keep the receipts if ever needed to make a point.

          It goes to show how much of a pos our exes can be. Her court briefs were laced with how much she loves our kids and how in her view it was critical she had them to herself and render me a visitor-dad, etc. Yet when it comes time to forking over money for winter clothes or extracurriculars for the kids she claimed to love so much, she is nowhere to be found.

          She delays the purchase of essential things to the point where I cave and just buy them myself. Or worse, at times she agrees to collaborate on purchasing things or extracurriculars jointly, and suggests I pay and she'll reimburse me her share. Yet never does. A true show of class.
          My unsolicited advice is to try to learn to deal iwth your anger towards your ex. Your posts fairly drip with resentment towards your ex- and I get that...but also, sometimes it's just easier to let that anger go- especially for the sake of your kid(s).

          My ex did really horribly shitty things to me. Which is why he's my ex.

          HOWEVER, he's also my daughter's dad. And part of her is him- and will forever be. I don't want her to think I dislike part of her....so I'm working on finding some ways to actually kinda feel some good feelings towards him again.

          I mean- this is my schtick...everyone has their own feelings. But kids are smart and intuitive. They will know when you hate their other parent.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
            But kids are smart and intuitive. They will know when you hate their other parent.
            And they grow up and get really annoyed that two grown ass adults behaved the way they did towards each other over everything including at an important event 25 years AFTER they split.

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            • #21
              I am so sorry that you had to witness all.of that

              This is the exact reason I am fighting so hard for my kids.

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              • #22
                Originally posted by Kkc View Post
                I am so sorry that you had to witness all.of that

                This is the exact reason I am fighting so hard for my kids.

                The thing though was my dad took off and resurfaced once we were all done school. My mom tried to “protect” us. It was all so ridiculous.

                Its a fine line people walk. My husband did everything right, his ex had better time to turn the kids and she was a petty vindictive a-hole.

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                • #23
                  Story time:

                  I offered to split winter clothing with my ex. She insisted that we each needed to have our own entire winter clothing set.

                  Fine.

                  Three years later, it started to snow one day when the kids were with her. She had to send them to school with her precious winter clothes and the kids were coming to my house after. The horror!

                  She emailed me, saying she forgot the clothes at her parents house. I recommended that she go get the clothes from her parents house.

                  Then she emails me saying that the kids have asked to wear my winter clothes the next day. I say that her clothes are just fine.

                  A few hours later she emails me saying that we have to split the cost of winter clothes, so she needs access to mine. I of course have the email from three years earlier where I offered to split and she refused.

                  The next day she sends the kids with snow clothes that were years old and barely fit. I ended up cutting the snow pants off of my son because it was easier than trying to get them off. I have no idea how the teacher put them on at the school

                  The lesson here: If a parent is determined to be an asshole, not much you can do to stop them.

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Brampton33 View Post
                    I think I know the answer, but I will ask. If it was agreed to split the expenditures and the ex is not repaying their share, can you simply take out their share from the CS payment?
                    No, you can't. You are letting your ex get to you.
                    Keep your receipts, all of them for the stuff you bought and ask for it in your yearly child support motion.

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                    • #25
                      I agree with Pink Houses. You cannot reduce the amount you pay in child support without a court order. The judge is the only one with that power. If you do it you will find yourself in deep trouble and FRO can start enforcement actions against you.

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                      • #26
                        If you were to file a motion to change cs, you would put in there that she owes you a certain amount of money. When you update each year you could say you will take $$$ off each month until the amounts are paid but she could disagree.

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                        • #27
                          Then you suck it up and pay the cost. Are your kids warm? Are they safe? Stop fighting about petty things. Your ex is being a pain. Let her buy the shits next year or you suck it up and accept it as the cost of doing business.

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                          • #28
                            This is some of the most petty nonsense I have seen in a while.

                            Penny wise... Pound foolish...

                            Nickel and dime...

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                              This is some of the most petty nonsense I have seen in a while.

                              Penny wise... Pound foolish...

                              Nickel and dime...
                              I think Brampton's frustrating is that (from his posts) his ex fought to restrict his access to his kids, claiming that she loved her kids etc... But yet she is not paying her fair share of expenditures that don't fall under s.7. It is typical to see this petty behaviour when a case goes through the court system.

                              Lets face it, if people are in court, its because they clearly have harsh feelings towards the other and lack of mutual respect. I have friends who caught their spouse cheating. Despite the shock, sorrow and anger towards the other spouse, they needed no arm-twisting to say "my ex-husband is the kids' father and the kids should be allowed to see their dad 50% just like they are 50% with me". No need for court battle where the only winners are the lawyers.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by LovingDad1234 View Post
                                I think Brampton's frustrating is that (from his posts) his ex fought to restrict his access to his kids, claiming that she loved her kids etc... But yet she is not paying her fair share of expenditures that don't fall under s.7. It is typical to see this petty behaviour when a case goes through the court system.

                                Lets face it, if people are in court, its because they clearly have harsh feelings towards the other and lack of mutual respect. I have friends who caught their spouse cheating. Despite the shock, sorrow and anger towards the other spouse, they needed no arm-twisting to say "my ex-husband is the kids' father and the kids should be allowed to see their dad 50% just like they are 50% with me". No need for court battle where the only winners are the lawyers.
                                if it's venting. then sure. But if you're going to try to do something about getting 50% of the costs of winter clothes by withholding CS or consider court for it...then you're leaning petty.

                                This board is a pretty good sounding board/mirror to figure out when you're being petty and spouting nonsense.

                                Multiple people are saying to Brampton33- arguing over this is petty. Trying to subtract this from CS is nonsense AND will land you in court- costing you more money in the long run.

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