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  • #46
    At first it was to find out if step fathers are a statistical significantly higher risk to step daughters - Now its actually an experiment into how people REFUSE to believe something that they don't want to NO MATTER what proofs are presented.

    I am still waiting for somebody to post something significantly contrary to what I posted... If you can find something reputable - I'm happy to seriously consider it

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    • #47
      Originally posted by Links17 View Post
      At first it was to find out if step fathers are a statistical significantly higher risk to step daughters - Now its actually an experiment into how people REFUSE to believe something that they don't want to NO MATTER what proofs are presented.

      I am still waiting for somebody to post something significantly contrary to what I posted... If you can find something reputable - I'm happy to seriously consider it
      You never answered the question fully... WHY is this something you want to find out? What event made you want to research this topic?

      I don't think it is about people refusing to believe sexual abuse exists. We all know it does, however so does physical, mental and verbal abuse. Their are risks associated with everything kids do in life. My step kids go and play on the hill across the street, there is a risk they may fall down the hill and break their arm/leg. There is a risk of driving with children in a car and getting in an accident.

      Tell me something, is this something you are going to share with your daughter? Are you going to let her know she should not trust any man in her life but you, especially her Mom's new partner because she might get sexually abused?

      If you are so good at looking up statistics, why don't YOU research how many father's sexually abuse their children? Or how many siblings sexually abuse their younger siblings? You are searching for only one type of statistics because you want to try and validate your concerns, but if we are serious about knowing the statistics of sexual abuse in children, you would research the WHOLE picture, not just pick and choose.

      Comment


      • #48
        Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
        You never answered the question fully... WHY is this something you want to find out? What event made you want to research this topic?

        I don't think it is about people refusing to believe sexual abuse exists. We all know it does, however so does physical, mental and verbal abuse. Their are risks associated with everything kids do in life. My step kids go and play on the hill across the street, there is a risk they may fall down the hill and break their arm/leg. There is a risk of driving with children in a car and getting in an accident.

        Tell me something, is this something you are going to share with your daughter? Are you going to let her know she should not trust any man in her life but you, especially her Mom's new partner because she might get sexually abused?

        If you are so good at looking up statistics, why don't YOU research how many father's sexually abuse their children? Or how many siblings sexually abuse their younger siblings? You are searching for only one type of statistics because you want to try and validate your concerns, but if we are serious about knowing the statistics of sexual abuse in children, you would research the WHOLE picture, not just pick and choose.
        I think the better stat for him to start looking at is how many step-parents are perfectly normal, loving human beings that wouldn't hurt their step-kids anymore than they'd hurt their own.

        Or maybe how many step-fathers are falsely accused by stat-obsessed bio-fathers.

        I suggest you research the WHOLE picture and realize that girls are more likely to be abused by family members OTHER than the male step-parent.

        Comment


        • #49
          Originally posted by MS Mom View Post
          I think the better stat for him to start looking at is how many step-parents are perfectly normal, loving human beings that wouldn't hurt their step-kids anymore than they'd hurt their own.

          Or maybe how many step-fathers are falsely accused by stat-obsessed bio-fathers.

          I suggest you research the WHOLE picture and realize that girls are more likely to be abused by family members OTHER than the male step-parent.
          Don't get ahead of yourself - nobody is accusing anybody - I'm just conducting a risk analysis. I'm open minded to studies, research and facts - not my own preconceived notions about the incidence of abuse. Show me some facts/studies substantiating anything you say?

          This was for you BTW:
          One study of sexually abused children found
          that sixty-seven percent have mothers who were victimized themselves,
          compared to only three percent of mothers in the study's control group.298 Although a history of sexual abuse is particularly common for mothers of sexually abused children, studies repor t that significantly high proportions of victims' fathers are also incest survivors.299

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          • #50
            Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
            You never answered the question fully... WHY is this something you want to find out? What event made you want to research this topic?
            I was just thinking if my ex brings random male prostitutes to the home, does it pose a threat to my children - then I though, what if they aren't prostitutes but just promiscuous men and I figured I should do some research.


            Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
            I don't think it is about people refusing to believe sexual abuse exists.
            Did I say that? If I did, I meant to say people refuse to believe how common it is.

            Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
            We all know it does, however so does physical, mental and verbal abuse.
            Right but a single MAJOR incideint of sexual abuse is irreversible and I feel like its harder to catch vs physical (leaves marks) or verbal/mentail which is less "shameful" stigmatized and might be done in the presence of the mother (she can't ignore it) or brother.

            Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
            Their are risks associated with everything kids do in life.
            My step kids go and play on the hill across the street, there is a risk they may fall down the hill and break their arm/leg. There is a risk of driving with children in a car and getting in an accident.
            Right, but this isn't something kid does or needs to do and it comes with risks its about the lifestyle choice of parents (which might be perfectly legitimate -but come with hidden costs. All those other things are necessary or CB analysis shows there is a net benefit.

            Tell me something, is this something you are going to share with your
            daughter? Are you going to let her know she should not trust any man in her life but you, especially her Mom's new partner because she might get sexually abused?
            No, she is 5 - I am just going to let her know what NOBODY should touch her in a way other than mommy or dadd touch her (i.e: her private parts) etc... and if she is ever not sure sure can speak to me about it so we can work it out.


            If you are so good at looking up statistics, why don't YOU research how many father's sexually abuse their children?
            If you've been patying attention, it is a lot apparently - pretty sad.

            Or how many siblings
            sexually abuse their younger siblings? You are searching for only one type of statistics because you want to try and validate your concerns, but if we are serious about knowing the statistics of sexual abuse in children, you would research the WHOLE picture, not just pick and choose.
            Those ohter things might be true but the reality is that I am researching a potential future CHANGE - however my research did show me the childhood sexual assualt for girls of divorce is about 50% - so I am retaining relevant points and not "picking/choosing".

            Comment


            • #51
              So, Links - if someone shows you a study that tells you that your daughter could be potentially sexually abused by her brother, do you decide that they can't be in the same room anymore? Because you've acknowledged just how prevalent that is, yet, you only remark that it's sad. You've dismissed it as statistically possible. But, the ex has a "new man in her life", so you're all about the risk to your daughter.

              And, if you're serious about the "bringing male prostitutes over to the house", then I gotta wonder why you chose to have children with someone you think so lowly of? And if that person is a risk to the child, why does that person have any custody whatsoever?

              Just listen to yourself......"if the ex brings" "if they aren't prostitutes but"....it's a pile of "ifs".

              Comment


              • #52
                Originally posted by MS Mom View Post
                So, Links - if someone shows you a study that tells you that your daughter could be potentially sexually abused by her brother, do you decide that they can't be in the same room anymore? Because you've acknowledged just how prevalent that is, yet, you only remark that it's sad. You've dismissed it as statistically possible. But, the ex has a "new man in her life", so you're all about the risk to your daughter.
                What are you smoking?
                Firstly, my kids do have different rooms, shower at different times in respect to the sort of personal space they each need - me any my ex agree on that.

                Secondly, this is about HOW common - not IF. I don't have the specific stat for brothers but if it was 50%+ I would speak to my son about boundaries and stuff more seriously but NO - I wouldn't say they can't be in the same room together. Even in this case with the step-father risk - my conclusion is that the risk is high but I can mitigate it by being involved and educating my kids. The threat of a slow death for somebody who hurts my kids will seal the deal.


                And, if you're serious about the "bringing male prostitutes over to the house", then I gotta wonder why you chose to have children with someone you think so lowly of? And if that person is a risk to the child, why does that person have any custody whatsoever?

                Just listen to yourself......"if the ex brings" "if they aren't prostitutes but"....it's a pile of "ifs".
                It was tongue-in-cheek, the point was that she brings RANDOM GUY X to live with my kids, what is the risk?

                Secondly, people change - my ex included. I am not going to be bind all my decisions to the fact that I previously at one point decided to marry her. Thats like saying to a divorcing person"If you don't like him how come you married him - you're not allowed to divorce".
                I'm allowed to say she changed and make my decisions accordinly.
                Last edited by Links17; 03-19-2014, 05:56 PM.

                Comment


                • #53
                  Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                  What are you smoking?
                  Firstly, my kids do have different rooms, shower at different times in respect to the sort of personal space they each need - me any my ex agree on that.

                  Secondly, this is about HOW common - not IF. I don't have the specific stat for brothers but if it was 50%+ I would speak to my son about boundaries and stuff more seriously but NO - I wouldn't say they can be in the same room together.



                  It was tongue-in-cheek, the point was that she brings RANDOM GUY X to live with my kids, what is the risk?

                  Secondly, people change - my ex included. I am not going to be bind all my decisions to the fact that I previously at one point decided to marry her. Thats like saying "If you don't like him how come you married him".
                  I'm allowed to say she changed and make my decisions accordinly.
                  Of course the kids are in separate rooms so that will never happen right?

                  Does the potential stepdad share the same room as the daughter?

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Of course the kids are in separate rooms so that will never happen right?

                    Does the potential stepdad share the same room as the daughter?
                    Its called mitigation - you do what you reasonably can.

                    No, but a step-dad has less biological disencentive and assaults by stepdads are more serious (things you'd know if you read anything I posted).

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                      What are you smoking?

                      Secondly, this is about HOW common - not IF. I don't have the specific stat for brothers but if it was 50%+ I would speak to my son about boundaries and stuff more seriously but NO - I wouldn't say they can't be in the same room together.
                      You don't know the stat - but would do something if the stat stated a specific number.

                      How do you know to have that chat with him or not then?

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                        No, she is 5 - I am just going to let her know what NOBODY should touch her in a way other than mommy or dadd touch her (i.e: her private parts) etc... and if she is ever not sure sure can speak to me about it so we can work it out.
                        I actually am a little disturbed by this... I have a 5 year old step daughter, she is capable of cleaning herself, including her private parts. The only thing her Dad or usually I help her with is making sure all the soap is out of her hair.

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                          Post me a proof.


                          I agree can't trust the way stats are presented.
                          Noted, going to look into it specifically for the quotes I posted eventually depending on the proofs you post.

                          Proof of what?

                          I can't "prove" that most stepfathers do not abuse their kids in a statistically significant fashion because you can't count things that don't happen (non-occurrences of abuse, in this case). Students attempt to do this all the time - prove a negative hypothesis, or a "null" hypothesis - and then get perturbed when it doesn't work out.

                          Similarly, I can't prove that most Canadians do not eat their pets, or that UFOs are unlikely to land in the Bay of Fundy.

                          If you are concerned that stepfathers are abusing kids, the burden of proof is on you to find evidence which "rejects the null" - evidence that these hypothesized occurrences are actually happening, and happening at a rate which exceeds that which could be attributed to chance (statistical significance).

                          I would love to see basic literacy in statistics and probability be incorporated into high school - nothing fancy, just concepts like validity, bias, sampling, or statistical significance, or how to tell a well-constructed study from a poorly-constructed one. Far too many people are running around out there who think that "research" means typing a few words into Google and then cherry-picking quotes which support their preconceived notions.

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                            I actually am a little disturbed by this... I have a 5 year old step daughter, she is capable of cleaning herself, including her private parts. The only thing her Dad or usually I help her with is making sure all the soap is out of her hair.
                            I agree. It sort of echoes what I was saying earlier about why he's obsessing over this crap.....Creepy.

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              relax I don't touch my D5 private parts , my point is that nobody should do anything with her that we don't do (ie we don't touch her private parts so nobodyh esle should)

                              Stripes - its not the same. I am asking you to find me an analysis/study showing the risks if any of step parents, the study would show there is no risk.

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                                I actually am a little disturbed by this... I have a 5 year old step daughter, she is capable of cleaning herself, including her private parts. The only thing her Dad or usually I help her with is making sure all the soap is out of her hair.
                                I thought the SAME THING! I have always told kidlet, if ANYONE, dad, grandpa, grandma, whomever, touched you in a way you were uncomfortable or didn't want to be touched, tell me and ask questions!

                                ETA: I don't eat my pets, and I tell them the same as above ^^.. if anyone touches you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, come to me.

                                and, further ETA: btw, I sorta get where Links is coming from. But without the paranoia.

                                Being self-aware, knowing the circumstances in which you may find yourself, are wise words to any young child/ adult.. I'm re-affirming this now to kidlet, who is out at university. But I am more focusing on awareness, and not random accusations of guilt by your physical attributes.
                                Last edited by mcdreamy; 03-19-2014, 07:51 PM.
                                Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

                                Comment

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