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  • #16
    That is wonderful news! I am heartened that you have at least some financial encouragement with regards to moving to a new place.

    Yes my son was an adult at the time of our divorce. It is extremely difficult because the adult children know what is going on. I found it hard to watch our son faced with reality of who is father really is. I always encouraged contact for the two, even through the really tough years. Father/son didn't contact each other for almost 2 years. When we divorced the in-laws didn't contact our son and still do not to this day. Very sad but there is nothing that can be done from our side.

    Think "new beginnings" and look forward to the day when you are in your new place... You will find comfort in reading some previous threads on here on things people did to celebrate their "new life".

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    • #17
      Adult children understand shit better than you think and all he is doing is making it worse for himself. When his new family decides he’s too old for them and she goes looking for a new sugar daddy he will be alone and remorseful. The kids can then tell him to get bent when he tries to blame them for the crappy relationship. I say this from experience. My father has been told several times that being part of my biological make up doesn’t give him free reign to be a jerk.

      Focus on yourself and your needs. It wasnt wasted because you have great kids and a grandchild on the way!! Everything in life (good or bad) is a learning experience and now you know what you want in your life!!

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      • #18
        I think that is a pretty normal reaction, regret. I am so embarrassed to say I was married to ex. And looking back I did distance myself from a lot of people and we had no couple friends and that was because his behaviour is embarrassing g. I started distancing myself when we were dating. Can there be a bigger red flag? And yet Marry him I did anyways. What helps me to cope
        With those feelings is that I do not regret my glisten I. Any way they are my focus and the most important part of my life and they would
        Not be exactly who thy are without me having married the person I did. They are their own unique blend of our genetics and that I don’t regret.


        Once I. Your own place it will probably feel good , will feel like your own space. I would
        Gladly get rid of my house and all it’s bad memories but I need to stay so my kids can stay in the house they know, until they are grown up. I am trying to make changes to make it my own space as finances allow, like moving furniture around and changing some rooms.

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        • #19
          Rockscan, yes my adult children do understand maybe too well. They are very upset, disappointed and hurt by everything that’s happened. They also feel as though they were never good enough in his eyes. My kids are talented in many ways. One is a talented animator the other has a masters degree in music. They are both decent, good human beings. He has said more than once that his affair partner’s children are so bright and smart. He plays board games with them, goes to movies with them, etc. Makes my kids feel really rejected. He never interacted with them as much. His girlfriend is a “writer” and has posted an essay online with references to Plato and people that live in caves (that would be me). She very thinly veiled it as it was about me and my husband. She talked about people afraid to push boundaries, etc. One thing she said was about how people like this are blindly devoted to their children and can’t raise them to their full potential. My husband is normally a smart man but he eats up everything she says. So, not only do I feel like a failure as a wife but also as a parent. Actually, I’m not a failure as a parent. My kids think i’m pretty great and I think they turned out well. but this woman is clouding my husband’s perceptions. He is the one that will be losing out in the long run.

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          • #20
            Wow, thank the Lord, this man has found a women that truly understands him. Good luck basing their new found love on what a terrible wife and Mother you were. They deserve each other! Hopefully these girls also have a great bio Dad that is devoted to them, cause she sounds like a nut case.

            That said, you have a new life to begin and what a way to begin by having a grandchild. Enjoy!!!

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            • #21
              Lol! Kate331 you gave me a good chuckle.

              Yes the bio father is devoted and you are right about the mother being a nut case. It gets better ... She decided that she didn’t want to be a mom anymore but loves being a mother. She didn’t want to deal with the day to day things involved in being a mom because it interfered with her wanting to be a writer. She got rid of her husband, let him have custody of the kids (she just has them for occasional sleepovers and outings). She got herself an apartment and my husband. Life is good.

              I’m pretty sure there will be good days ahead for me.

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              • #22
                This is even better, now that we know these girls are shielded from this with a loving Father, yes there is a God. My ex did the exact same thing, except his new love expresses herself through aromatherapy (dont ask me how that works, I dont have a clue). I have little sympathy for parents that abandon their children to fulfill their own needs, lets hope he is shooting blanks.

                The best revenge is living a good life, and I see a bright future for you and your family. You can do this!!!

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                • #23
                  Again, you made me smile! I’m going to have to change my username at this rate 😆.

                  And yes, he is shooting blanks lol

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Sad54 View Post
                    He has said more than once that his affair partner’s children are so bright and smart. He plays board games with them, goes to movies with them, etc. Makes my kids feel really rejected.
                    You maybe should mention to your adult children, that he is playing Grandpa to these children. Of course Grandparents think Grandchildren are perfect. The credit belongs to these girls father imo.

                    There are members here that have far more knowledge on the legal stuff, that can help you through this stage in your new life.

                    But I do hope, I and others can make you eventually change your user name to Happy54!

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                    • #25
                      In the years to come you will arrive at the peace of mind that I am now entering in that "I dodged a bullet" in that I don't have to spend my old age playing nurse to a miserable old puke.

                      My revenge is, as others told me it would be, that I am living well and have love of my son. I have never forgotten my ex telling me that he would "see me homeless on the streets." Well, he tried his very best. My anger propelled me through those dark times. I survived. You will too.

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                      • #26
                        Arabian, that is so sad that your ex had wanted to see you homeless on the streets. How can someone say that to anyone let alone someone they had once loved? Just terrible. I am happy that your life is so good today.

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Sad54 View Post
                          Arabian, that is so sad that your ex had wanted to see you homeless on the streets. How can someone say that to anyone let alone someone they had once loved? Just terrible. I am happy that your life is so good today.


                          Are you kidding? Most vindictive exes do this! My partners ex is now trying to give him a heart attack with all her bs. Making sure the kids are in his will and have hundreds of thousands in life insurance coverage. My father told my mother she got enough of his money and wasn’t getting anymore and that money was for a roof over his kids heads!

                          Your ex is going to get super ugly in this process so prepare yourself. Selfish narcissistic people do that. Not to scare you, to prepare you. No matter what he says or does, you stay true to yourself because he will not be thinking of anyone but himself!

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                          • #28
                            Well, I won’t be changing my username to happy54 just yet. I thought I was past the weepy stage but apparently not. The last couple of days have been hard.

                            I wish I could fast forward to next year and be done with this.

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by Sad54 View Post
                              Well, I won’t be changing my username to happy54 just yet. I thought I was past the weepy stage but apparently not. The last couple of days have been hard.



                              I wish I could fast forward to next year and be done with this.


                              Hugs to you. It does get better even though that’s hard to see right now. Try to go see friends or your kids. Keep yourself busy... but also let yourself grieve.


                              Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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                              • #30
                                Thanks Mom 2 Two. In my mind I know you are right.

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