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  • #16
    Originally posted by billm View Post
    She should work full time within her profession - this is an expectation if she wants support based on her income.

    Also, your agreement should have automatic yearly adjustments for CS and SS based on tax returns - do NOT put specific amounts in any agreement, only put in the formula for determining the amounts, and when the amounts are updated.

    It seems to me that when support is based on income, most people would rather make as much money as possible to improve their standard of living - living off someone else is not the method to achieve this - a full time job is, but still your agreement should mention full time employment.

    So does her FT income + CS get added into the mix of things? If I add her FT work does that mean I do not add her CTC or CS?

    Thanks

    Comment


    • #17
      Originally posted by billm View Post
      Why would the entitlement test be any different from the actual calculation?

      I think it is simply a misinterpretation of the SS guidelines. It does not make sense to say you are only entitled if you make less than half of your former spouse, and then if you are entitled to share income almost equally.
      No idea, but the SSAG says exactly that having calculation yielding $X does NOT establish entitlement to $X.. I have no idea what the entitlement test/rule is. I was considering the possibility that NBDad knew more about it. The SSAG does not describe entitlement tests/rules.

      Comment


      • #18
        Update, So WOW is all I can say! I might as well not even showed up! This was unreal, I asked for 50/50 shared custody and was told no, and even the mediator was like 'why would you want to change the current living situation'? That was just the beginning, mediation ended after about 1 hour, nothing solved except that she might get a real estate agent in to list the home....ARRGHHHHH, I had Effen tears while I was dicussing , that is how bad it was

        Comment


        • #19
          Originally posted by MAC-JMJ View Post
          ...This was unreal, I asked for 50/50 shared custody and was told no, and even the mediator was like 'why would you want to change the current living situation'? ...
          Status quo is BS. How long did you live with your kids full time (while married)? Then things change for a little while and some people think that is the way it should stay forever - does not make any sense to me.

          'Why change the current living situation?' - Because you were raising your kids, then that stopped for a short while separation happened, and now it is time to continue with raising your kids - should not be even discussed, it should be simply 50/50 if one of the parents wants it. The short period when separation happened and you did not have the kids equally is the EXCEPTION, not the rule!!!

          Did the mediator state why you should not raise your kids equally with their mother?

          Comment


          • #20
            Originally posted by billm View Post
            Status quo is BS. How long did you live with your kids full time (while married)? Then things change for a little while and some people think that is the way it should stay forever - does not make any sense to me.

            'Why change the current living situation?' - Because you were raising your kids, then that stopped for a short while separation happened, and now it is time to continue with raising your kids - should not be even discussed, it should be simply 50/50 if one of the parents wants it. The short period when separation happened and you did not have the kids equally is the EXCEPTION, not the rule!!!

            Did the mediator state why you should not raise your kids equally with their mother?
            billm, I am so mad right now! Man, it was almost like the mediator was taking sides with my ex, I even called the mediator out on it. Plan and simple this session was a waste of time. I had e-mails, proposals, documents but nothing really mattered. Hell I could have said I made $20k a year as they didn't even check my income yet when I was paying.

            My first child was born in 2005 and then next 2006 and our final one 2008. We have been seperated since Oct 2009 and she was going on at how the kids need structure and 50/50 was thrown out the window and he response was bw weekends with a Wednesday night. I did not agree to that as I want more and explained how right now 80+% of my income goes towards the house (58%) and then debts we have. I said I cannot afford my own place and she did not allow me access to my own home, and where I was staying I was not able to have them there. I showed the mediator that I have kept up my financial aspects, where my ex chimmed in with some smart remark, and the mediator said some guys do not, but it really seemed to mean nothing in the long run. Even our mutual friend who is a realtor who is giving us an incredible commission rate was thrown out as an idea. At first the mediator said, that is a very low rate and even went as far as to say 'that may not get much attention from the other Realtor's'??? When it came to my kids, I even asked my ex point blank 'Why do you think that I do not deserve an opportunity to father my kids the same as you'? She said because I am a snake and when we first broke-up I supposedely had no interest in taking care of them etc. I said put your feelings about me aside and just think for the kids. She said because they have been with me and that is what they are used too etc. I said well when the home is sold they will go through another structure change but it just went back to me having no interest etc. I asked for compromise and nothing, that is when the overwhelming hate/anger/frustration set in. Only the 5th time she has seen me cry but when you have someone trying to paint this picture about you ARRGGHH! She went as far as to say that I have no intention of moving out with my current GF and that it is a support thing for me. When I told her that she could go back to work here, she said she now has a deadline of this week (how convienent) and then she is no longer employed. I just don't know what to do here

            Comment


            • #21
              Here is the 'to do list' that the mediator wrote word for word. 1) Get legal advice re: likelihood of 50/50 parenting schedule in face of rejection by mom who has been primary parent + no set schedule for contact with children Oct 09 - Nov 10 + presently working towards alternate week ends + perhaps Wednesday evenings.

              2) Ex will advise of choice of realtor (with same rate) + list home by April 6th, 2011.

              I moved back home from Sept 10- Oct 24 10, so just because I leave so my kids do not have to hear us fight but continue to make financial obligations for my family and because we couldn't afford to sell the home (IRD was too high) and now her stall tactics, even though they are my kids as well, the thought on me wanting to have a life with them and raise them and see them more then 2 week ends a month is laughable????

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally posted by MAC-JMJ View Post
                I just don't know what to do here
                Act like someone is trying to steal your kids from you - that will give you all the energy you need.

                But you have to be smart about it, you need to be as non confrontational as possible.

                Even stating 50/50 is your only position may work against you because she may then play dirty to stop that - so you have to judge on how to proceed based on what is going on. This is your main goal, do it fast, and assert your time with your kids - you already made a mistake by letting her do more than 50% after you separated - you've got to avoid any more mistakes.
                Last edited by billm; 03-22-2011, 01:07 PM.

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by billm View Post
                  Act like someone is trying to steal your kids from you - that will give you all the energy you need.

                  But you have to be smart about it, you need to be as non confrontational as possible.

                  Even stating 50/50 is your only position may work against you because she may then play dirty to stop that - so you have to judge on how to proceed based on what is going on. This is your main goal, do it fast, and assert your time with your kids - you already made a mistake by letting her do more than 50% after you separated - you've got to avoid any more mistakes.

                  I hear you but man, she is doing the 50% + with the kids as I am financially. I know the courts don't care but how can I when even now I would only get like what 10% at week ends etc. That wouldn't change right. I am thinking about getting a lawyer (big swallow as no disposable cash) but I have heard there are many who love to prolong this sort of thing etc. What do you suggest as in no more future mistakes that I could make?

                  Thanks again

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Hi all, so I wanted to give you an update on what has been happening and again look for some advice on my next steps. Well, I have seen two lawyers for free consultations and I have come to the conclusion that I will be unsuccessful in getting shared custody because of the fact that I did indeed leave my home 17 months ago. She also has been receiving legal advice and is currently just squeezing the life out of me. I am tired of this fighting and just want this to all end. I am looking for ways to make this easier for me so your thoughts will be appreciated. She has now e-mailed me saying that she has returned to work as of today and also sent me an e-mail asking for me to pay another $130 weekly for daycare for my kids. I pay the full mortgage + taxes for where she and my kids pay + we split our other debts (outside of utilities, she pays those) 50/50. Before this daycare e-mail, I am down to 17% of my paycheques before gas, dry cleaning, insurance etc. I am getting close to the verge of banko (which I do not want to do) but was wondering if I switch the mortgage pre authorized payment account back to one of our old joint accounts and just pay her the full monthly CS as outlined on CCRA + daycare and tell her that she is now responsible for the full mortgage payment, could this come back to bite me? There is no way either of us can afford court + the retainers they are looking for but I cannot pay for this + daycare and I have to draw the line somewhere. I know I am legally responsible for the debt but in hierachy from what I have been told paying CS comes first. I just do not have any other thoughts as I have been advised that it would take up to 6 months to file a motion, and even then because of the length of time they would fight the urgency Man, never thought trying to do the rigth thing for my kids would turn so wrong but it did. I am hoping this wouldn't give her a case to take away my ownership of the home as well but I do not know what else to do right now. Thoughts are very much welcomed.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      So let me get this right, you are paying:

                      1. child support;
                      2. 100% the mortgage; and
                      3. 50% of the joint family debt.

                      Now she wants part of daycare.

                      It appears 1 of those three items has to change and the simple one to go is the house. You cannot afford to maintain two homes. You have to get on her to either cause the sale of the house or buy you out. If she cannot buy you out, the house has to go up for sale. You may have to take her to court to force the sale if she is unwilling to do so herself and you see the need to protect your credit rating by carrying it.

                      But you have to do something.

                      I also hope you are getting regular parenting time by now.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
                        So let me get this right, you are paying:

                        1. child support;
                        2. 100% the mortgage; and
                        3. 50% of the joint family debt.

                        Now she wants part of daycare.

                        It appears 1 of those three items has to change and the simple one to go is the house. You cannot afford to maintain two homes. You have to get on her to either cause the sale of the house or buy you out. If she cannot buy you out, the house has to go up for sale. You may have to take her to court to force the sale if she is unwilling to do so herself and you see the need to protect your credit rating by carrying it.

                        But you have to do something.

                        I also hope you are getting regular parenting time by now.

                        Hammerdad, you never let me down

                        So to sum everything up right now I am doing #2 & #3. I cannot afford the CS because of #2 which is why I am wondering if I would be better off doing #1 & #3 because it would be cheaper for me. My credit up until now is top notch but feel if I am still months away from anything why not give her full CS and let her make the mortgage payments

                        I get the old every other week end right now and she makes sure to keep my access very limited. Lawyers pretty much told me I am SOL unless I plan on a very expensive court journey. I e-mailed her saying that I would no longer go after the kids for shared custody as long as she agreed to a much more friendly visitation schedule. I have not heard back as of yet. I think this is my last attempt to try and force the sale of the home. I need to live as well.

                        Thanks again

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          If she has returned to work, and this is why she needs the daycare money from you, then she can pay for her own damned housing expenses. Pay her CS by the tables, and half your debts. And get those debts finalized and separated ASAP. The main problem with making her responsible for the entire mortgage is that if she doesn't pay, you're still on the hook to the bank, and it affects your credit rating. So really, get yourself off that mortgage/deed as soon as you can.

                          Apparently you are screwed for 50-50 access, which sucks, but if it's because of status quo, is there any way to ease back into it? Start with the weekend and one night a week, then see if you can slowly expand it, with the goal being 50-50 in a few years? Make sure your weekend goes from picking them up Friday after school/daycare to dropping them off Monday morning back at school/daycare. This also has the side benefit of not making you have to interact with her. And ask for the midweek visit often mentioned in conjunction with EoW access, as nearly two weeks is too long for children to go without seeing a parent. Then you can make that an overnight with school/daycare pickup and dropoff as well. What work hours do you have? Do you have a weekday off where you can look after the children instead of them having to be at daycare? Can you arrange to be the parent who looks after them on PA days? Make sure you have a Right of First Refusal clause so that you can care for them on nights where she might want a babysitter. Sneak some more access in that way, and slowly build the status quo towards 50-50.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Originally posted by Rioe View Post
                            If she has returned to work, and this is why she needs the daycare money from you, then she can pay for her own damned housing expenses. Pay her CS by the tables, and half your debts. And get those debts finalized and separated ASAP. The main problem with making her responsible for the entire mortgage is that if she doesn't pay, you're still on the hook to the bank, and it affects your credit rating. So really, get yourself off that mortgage/deed as soon as you can.

                            Apparently you are screwed for 50-50 access, which sucks, but if it's because of status quo, is there any way to ease back into it? Start with the weekend and one night a week, then see if you can slowly expand it, with the goal being 50-50 in a few years? Make sure your weekend goes from picking them up Friday after school/daycare to dropping them off Monday morning back at school/daycare. This also has the side benefit of not making you have to interact with her. And ask for the midweek visit often mentioned in conjunction with EoW access, as nearly two weeks is too long for children to go without seeing a parent. Then you can make that an overnight with school/daycare pickup and dropoff as well. What work hours do you have? Do you have a weekday off where you can look after the children instead of them having to be at daycare? Can you arrange to be the parent who looks after them on PA days? Make sure you have a Right of First Refusal clause so that you can care for them on nights where she might want a babysitter. Sneak some more access in that way, and slowly build the status quo towards 50-50.
                            Thanks Rioe,

                            At this point now I really do not have any further choice so I need to take some chances in order to get things finalized here. 17 months later and I still pay the full mortgage where she and my kids are. I know she has a lawyer but there is no way that she would not have to pay the same immensely high retainers that I would have had too, so I need to take some chances here. I just wasn't sure if I tell her that she now pays for the entire mortgage if she could somehow take me off title? My hope is it makes her list the property sooner and take a chance on my credit rating. Since it would affect both of our ratings and she would need a clean one to either rent or purchase again this is why I think she will still pay.

                            Do I need to give much notice on this?

                            Plus she hasn't shown my any daycare contracts or told me who the person is? For all I know it could be a neighbour doing it for free?

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Originally posted by MAC-JMJ View Post
                              Plus she hasn't shown my any daycare contracts or told me who the person is? For all I know it could be a neighbour doing it for free?
                              No invoices, no payment. And when you are provided with an invoice, you arrange for payment to be made directly to the provider. That goes for all things of this nature.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
                                No invoices, no payment. And when you are provided with an invoice, you arrange for payment to be made directly to the provider. That goes for all things of this nature.
                                Thanks Hammer, thoughts on the rest?

                                Comment

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