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  • Strategy for Settlement Conference

    Would be interested in hearing anybody’s settlement strategies they had during their case.

    I have an SC coming up... is it advisable to submit an offer to Settle with an expiration date, followed by a second, slightly better, offer to Settle which expires upon the commencement of the SC?

  • #2
    I have one coming as well. Would love a strategy, as I seem to be getting slammed


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    • #3
      Are there any really important issues? Such as custody?

      In my case, the only issues were financial and nothing was a real emergency. The case conference and settlement conference were a colossal waste of time and money. Still, I went through the motions. Send an offer to settle to the other side, prepared my brief, etc. The judge just flipped through things and give their non-binding opinion.

      In my case, I hired a lawyer for a couple of hours to show me how a brief was expected to look, and to review what I had prepared. This saved me several thousand dollars.

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      • #4
        It is always advisable to submit an official offer to settle. I cannot think of a single exception off the top of my head.

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        • #5
          Make sure you and your lawyer are aggressive to communicate the points in your brief to the judge. The judge will form his/her own conclusion of how you should settle which may or may not inline with what you exactly want.

          Make sure you or your lawyer clearly communicate to the judge the points that you and the judge are not in agreement with an why. For example, if the judge says doing shared custody is best and you disagree because the ex works crazy hours and can't accommodate a 50/50 schedule or lives too far away, make sure the judge hears you maybe they will recommend in your favor to settle. Offer a fair solution then that is different than what you or your ex want (say EOW schedule with summers at other parents house). That way it looks like you are not getting what you want, neither is the ex and you are compromising on a settlement.

          Try to put in your brief at the top a summary of the issues. Then go into depth about them down in your brief. That way you can simply refer to the issues to try and get the ex to settle. For example:

          Summary of Issues:
          1. Access Schedule - 50/50 week on/off or EOW.
          2. Child Support - Full Table or Set-Off.
          3. School - My district or theirs.
          4. etc. etc.

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          • #6
            Thanks for the input!

            -Separated 3.5 years, no written agreement, one child in kindergarten
            -I have been primary caregiver this entire time (ex is one who suggested current schedule of EOW)
            -Ex voluntarily paid approx guideline support for 1st year
            -Stopped paying in 2017
            -I filed for CS and joint custody with primary caregiver status (preserving status quo AND suggesting extra time for him)
            -He filed a response for 50/50 access, offset CS and half of tax benefits to him
            -Child is in school. School is not in his city. He lives 20 mins away and is now claiming he does not have a vehicle to drive. He has not submitted a parenting plan detailing what this proposed 50/50 access schedule would look like
            -Since original application, he continues to cancel access time/cut it short almost every time
            -No police or CAS involvement. No DV accusations or any of that crap. No material change in circumstances to warrant a significant change. I have never withheld access once, even when CS stopped. Quite the opposite, I have been offering MORE access (documented) which always gets denied

            I KNOW without a doubt he is motivated by money. My main concern is getting what our current custody arrangement is into writing and signed, along with an order for the proper amount of CS.

            Should I just make my best offer off the bat, or submit an offer first that includes things that I may be willing to negotiate on and let him/his lawyer work me down to what I am already willing to give up?

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            • #7
              In my experience, if you make a reasonable offer to settle, and include the information in your settlement conference brief, the judge should basically tell your ex that he is being unreasonable and if it goes to trial, he will loose. Hopefully, that will convince him to settle. Otherwise, it's off to trial.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Selfrepmom View Post
                I KNOW without a doubt he is motivated by money. My main concern is getting what our current custody arrangement is into writing and signed, along with an order for the proper amount of CS.
                Why is that a concern? Are you motivated by money? What do you need from him beyond a stable schedule and money?

                If he was motivated by money you might think he would be tempted to keep as much parenting time as possible. Offhand, I think it sounds more like incompetance than some evil scheme.

                Should I just make my best offer off the bat, or submit an offer first that includes things that I may be willing to negotiate on and let him/his lawyer work me down to what I am already willing to give up?
                You want to make an offer to settle that is the best offer you can make. That offer expires one minute after the trial (or motion) starts. In your application to the court, you ask for more than your offer. Your goal is to beat your offer.

                So, let's say table support is $900 a month. You perhaps offer to let him pay $800 a month. In court, you ask for the $900 a month, the judge will not even see that you offered him the $800. I know you are self repped, but you can still get awarded costs for beating your offer to settle.

                You also want to make the offer severable. Break up everything into sections that he can accept or reject individually

                eg.

                Section A: EOW parenting plan
                Section B: 90% of table CS
                Section C: Income imputed at $30,000 a year
                Section D: Section 7 expenses split at some percentage
                Section E: whatever else you guys are fighting about (Christmas, march break, school decision, stuff)

                If you don't make it severable, you have to beat your offer in every respect. Making a severable offer also makes your trial shorter, which isn't a bad thing.

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                • #9
                  Janus:

                  Thank you for the detail, and the idea to break everything into sections. I will definitely structure my offer like that.

                  I want to get our custody/access schedule into writing mainly because he is just so all over the map, and he likes to bully me into things. Having an order that specifies dates and times would be a relief because I can say “no, you can’t drop her off a day early. We go by our order”
                  Am I motivated by money? Slightly. But considering I went without any from him for almost 2 years, it’s not the be all end all for me. I want base support (it’s not going to be more than $300-$350 even if income is imputed)going forward. Section 7’s would be nice too (I wouldn’t even bother for extracurricular, mainly just for summer care). I think retroactive is going to be my main bargaining chip and something I can live without. I like the idea of sections because I want to offer him more time and a deal on retroactive. If it is all together he would probably just decline the whole thing. If it’s separate, there is a good chance he will accept the retroactive deal, but decline the extra time.

                  My actual deepest darkest concern in all of this is that this whole process is just going to enrage him further and he will walk away from our daughter, who absolutely adores him and thinks he is superman. Our very first case conference they had us go talk to the mediator to see if mediation was a possibility. The mediator told him he was going to have to start paying CS. He told her if that was the case he would just sign off on his parental rights to me. She told him he would STILL be responsible for CS. He blew up and stormed out of the courthouse.

                  It will completely tear me apart if I ever have to tell her that she can’t go spend time with him anymore.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    The thing to also considered mentioned above already but, I wanted to highlight is "compromise". You have to truly understand where you are willing to compromise. The proper compromise can gain significant "good faith" from the other party and compromises that are really important to you. Barter on compromises... Don't fight over wants.

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                    • #11
                      It doesn't say much for a parent who would walk away from relationship with child over having to pay CS.

                      Compromise is a good thing, however, it sounds as though you have been doing more than your share of that to date.

                      Self-respect... stand your ground. Legal system is there for a purpose (as are maintenance enforcement agencies). Both parents ought to support children.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Compromise. Such as if the other parent wants to be the holder of the child's health card (even it is a control thing) as part of a good agreement, then just agree to. I would not walk away from a good agreement that needed some silly compromise.

                        Don't agree to terms that don't work for you. Agree to what you know is best for your family.

                        If you compromise and they keep trying to take stuff being totally unreasonable , stand your ground and say it may be best to have a judge decide this for us, and follow through.

                        Custody and Access are worth fighting for. For me, from the beginning, I indicated I would agree to joint custody and a 2.2.5.5 shared parenting regime.
                        I stocked with it through and indicated there is no room for compromise on those issues. The itty witty stuff, I didn't really care about. in end end, I got what I wanted and compromised on stuff that doesn't matter, like who holds the childs health card and vaccination records, I even wanted to offer to buy her a binder. My lawyer almost fell of his chair laughing .

                        Recently, child support. agreed to give her all the little wierd clauses and even agreed to her past made up daycare expenses she was asking for without receipts, but she didn't want CS to be adjusted to date of material change. She wanted to scam me and incur debt to me. So we ended the discussion and set it for a motion because she was just taking everything and not wanting to compromise on anything. My lawyer labeled her as greedy.

                        Lastly, don't get intimidated or bullied into a unfair agreement by your ex, their lawyer, or case management judge.
                        Last edited by tunnelight; 03-04-2019, 10:18 PM.

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                        • #13
                          Wow this sounds like my ex... I have been made to give in to almost everything so far. And they have done nothing. I offer a compromise. They don’t take it. So I guess what your saying is if they don’t take it then stand your ground.

                          I too have SC at the end of the month. I have had sole custody for almost 6
                          Years. No change in material circumstance other than the ex moving 45 mins away and getting a new family. My kids don’t want to live half the time with dad and his gf and her three kids. This is not in their best interest because dad doesn’t parent. They struggle on the weekends they are there as it is. I’m sure they won’t give up... but I won’t either. I have to go to this conference without knowing what OCL’s recommendations are. Because the ex has done nothing but stall and avoid them.

                          Do we have to include and offer to settle at this point?


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                          • #14
                            I'm a little late getting to this, having been though countless SC, I have a few words to share based on my experience
                            1. Establish a list of thing you are "none" negotiable on (Parenting Time, Custody.....)
                            2. Be ready to negotiate, flexible and accommodating on none issues. (Travel, Holidays, Passports.....)
                            3. Make sure your SC Brief is "BRIEF"; I got nailed for cost during one of my SC's because my "BRIEF" wasn't brief.
                            4. Make sure you SC brief outlines the "MAJOR" issues, don't get into the nitty gritty
                            5. Produce an offer to settle based on the above
                            6. Server offer to settle and make it revocable 1 Min prior to beginning of SC
                            7. Seek Costs
                            8. DON'T SIGN ANYTHING UNLESSS YOU ARE 100%
                            If unable to negotiate a deal;
                            then
                            1. Get endorsement for outstanding disclosure
                            2. Get endorsement to be place on TRIAL list
                              1. I wish I would have done this earlier, I had to wait almost a full year to proceed to trial;
                              2. and several other SC, prior to TRIAL
                            3. Get your case "CASE MANAGED"
                              1. This ensures that you get "continuity" throughout the process, and later SC
                            4. SAVE YOUR RESOURCES/MONEY for trial
                            Here's the thing with SC's, you get a judge, he voices an opinion on the matter, "his/her" job is to encourage you to settle and avoid trial at all cost. This is 100% the truth, I've had a Judge and or Master try and pressure me to sign something right there and then, I didn't sign, I didn't agree to what he was suggesting. He threatened that I would loose at trial. Best thing I ever did was "NOT SIGN"

                            Another issue is, you'll likely attend another SC, and get a different Judge with a different opinion. This IMO is the real "issue" with the court systems, there is no "continuity" thought out the process, thus the parties change the "vision/expectation" on route.

                            IMO, SC are a complete waste of time, public funds and families resources. IMO SC are only "successful" if both parties are willing to make a deal, if one party is stuborn and unwilling to dilute their wine, then the end game is "TRIAL"


                            I know 1st hand, just finished a 7 day trail (took me 5 years of my kids life to get there)

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                            • #15
                              Mom2Two: I’ve been following some of your posts- our situations sound very similar with some slight differences. From my experience so far though (and the knowledge I’ve gained from this forum) stay far away from the “my kids don’t want to live halftime with dad/gf/3kids, not in their best interest” argument. To a judge it will just come off as you being difficult and unwilling to help foster a relationship between your kids and their father. Don’t mention gf/gf’s kids at all.

                              Believe me I get it, my ex moved in with his gf last year (and her 4 kids) into her MASSIVE, very expensive home that she got to keep after her previous divorce. Oh and did I mention that he stopped paying CS the same month that he bought her the ring? ItÂ’s very easy to become bitter over this stuff, but IÂ’ve chosen to find the small nuggets of positive hidden within:
                              A) I actually like his gf. SheÂ’s a nice person. SheÂ’s great with kids. Sure I find it annoying that she seems to be ok with the fact that he refuses to pay CS, but that doesnÂ’t make her an evil person
                              B) Because heÂ’s not paying CS, they have a ton of money to do fun stuff with the kids (lol) Even if itÂ’s not me getting to do this stuff with my kid at the moment, at least she is still getting to have these experiences
                              C) My daughter is an only child. She now gets to experience what it’s like to have siblings. Yes she complains about them occasionally. But if she had actual siblings, they would probably fight like cats and dogs 24/7. At least with “bonus” siblings, she gets a break from them

                              If you focus on the positive, your kids will follow suite. Children absorb EVERYTHING around them, and can be influenced very easily. I do a countdown on my calendar with my daughter until her next “daddy time”. It is awesome how something so simple has such a positive effect on her.

                              As for an offer to Settle: you must submit one before your settlement conference.

                              Comment

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