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  • child access


    Hi ,
    I have a baby, he is 3 months.
    The mother does not let me take the baby.I can only see the baby at her dad's house.
    What are the steps I could take to be able to spend time with the baby at my place?
    Cheers,

  • #2
    Sorry to hear about this.

    What are her reasons for denying you access?

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanks Straittohell.

      She says the baby is too small.

      Comment


      • #4
        Are you divorcing? Are you represented by a lawyer? Do you have a request for access/custody in process?

        Comment


        • #5
          So, you guys have no issue of abuse, you have no criminal record or violent history?

          Sorry to ask, just trying to figure out if there is anything else in your background that would be relevant. I'm not making any assumptions about you.

          If the answer is "no", then she really has no right to deny access based on the size/age of the baby. In fact, you are legally entitled to take the baby for overnight, and if you want to eventually work up to a 50/50 custody regimen, there is no reason why shouldn't.

          Unless she has specific concerns about your character, the age of the baby is irrelevant. Dads are just as capable of nurturing and caring for baby's as moms are.

          Your next steps would be to tell her, in writing, that you do not agree with her withholding access, and that you will be taking her to court if she does not cease her gatekeeping behaviour. You will need to ask frequently, and document every refusal. You will need to talk to a lawyer if this does not work.

          You need to propose a parenting and access plan to her and prove that you're not just looking to visit, but to parent. You will need to ask yourself what kind of custody you want NOW, but also what custody you envision having as the child is over.

          Be very careful to document everything. Be very careful not to let this become a status quo. And, watch out for her to call CAS and accuse you of being unfit. That is a favourite tactic of a lot of parents who act as gatekeepers and deny access.

          Comment


          • #6
            I'm not divorcing.It was an accident.
            I have contacted a lawyer, he said the only thing I can do is to go to court.
            He said it would cost $25000.
            Is that my only option?

            Comment


            • #7
              Well, the cost is an estimate. You can technically self-rep, but it can be hard.

              You can try as I suggested, which is advise the mom that you intend to go to court, but would rather that you both spend your money on the child instead.

              You need to take the time to first figure out exactly what you want, and whether or not the baby's mother is doing this in the short-term, or if she plans to exclude you like this for the rest of the baby's childhood.

              Are you currently paying child support?

              Comment


              • #8
                I have no background issues.
                She is mad because I left her that is all.
                I proposed het to go to mediation, but she does not want it.
                She is asking for child support. I'm not paying child support at the moment.
                I buy the stuffs the boy need. I just want to have my access rights, that is all.
                But it seems difficult. I think the only solution is going to the court.
                I do not have another option as far as I know.
                Thanks

                Comment


                • #9
                  Keep in mind that if you go to court, it's going to look bad if you're not paying child support.

                  As much as it sucks, paying child support doesn't guarantee your access, but not-paying child support makes you look bad. Not fair, but it is true.

                  Take the time to read through the other threads on this site that have piled up on this subject over the years. You can learn a lot from it.

                  If you are passionate about being a dad, then you will have go to court, and it will be worth every dime. It is unfortunate that she is forcing you to to this.

                  Again, you need to make sure that you now what you are asking for when you enter that process, though. Keep in mind that your lawyer saying it will cost $25,000 is a quote only. You should shop around. Also, if there are no background issues, there will be less grounds for her to contest the matter, which means less costs.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    My recommendation:

                    Make a reasonable offer to settle on Child Support and Access.

                    You can get an estimate on Child support from mysupportcalculator.ca

                    Propose an access schedule you can live with.

                    Look up offers to settle here and you can probably find some templates.

                    That will show her you are serious.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I buy the stuffs the boy need. I just want to have my access rights, that is all.
                      Stop buying stuff and start paying child support per the table requirements.

                      CS can be retroactive so you might as well pay now.

                      In addition, start keeping records of requests for access and denial of access.

                      I think the 25k estimate is high...my whole divorce which took 5 years was about 34k and had more issues than just child custody.

                      Personally, she sounds like one of the type of women with golden uterus syndrome that think they own the kid...you very well may need to go to court. But before you do that...get child support in order and start making email requests for access and keep records. Explain to her that if she doesn't start giving you fair access that you will be taking court action. Make sure that you communicate politely and concisely by email so that you have a record of what you said to her and what her responses were. You may need all of these documents if you end up in court.

                      You might want to start drafting up a proposed schedule showing when and how you'll take care of the child...including what support system you'll use (friends, family, babysitters, etc.) When you have something reasonable prepared...present it to her by email and let her respond.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
                        Stop buying stuff and start paying child support per the table requirements.

                        CS can be retroactive so you might as well pay now.

                        In addition, start keeping records of requests for access and denial of access.

                        I think the 25k estimate is high...my whole divorce which took 5 years was about 34k and had more issues than just child custody.

                        Personally, she sounds like one of the type of women with golden uterus syndrome that think they own the kid...you very well may need to go to court. But before you do that...get child support in order and start making email requests for access and keep records. Explain to her that if she doesn't start giving you fair access that you will be taking court action. Make sure that you communicate politely and concisely by email so that you have a record of what you said to her and what her responses were. You may need all of these documents if you end up in court.

                        You might want to start drafting up a proposed schedule showing when and how you'll take care of the child...including what support system you'll use (friends, family, babysitters, etc.) When you have something reasonable prepared...present it to her by email and let her respond.
                        Well everyone is very quick to condem Mom. I expect she is at this time a little upset, as after " the accident" as you so nicely put it you then left her.

                        Did you leave her before the child was born or after. The child is only 3 months old, so I suspect before.
                        How,long a relationship was this?
                        Were you present at the birth? Is your name on the childs birth certificate?
                        Is Mom breastfeeding?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Beachnana View Post
                          Well everyone is very quick to condem Mom. I expect she is at this time a little upset, as after " the accident" as you so nicely put it you then left her.

                          Did you leave her before the child was born or after. The child is only 3 months old, so I suspect before.
                          How,long a relationship was this?
                          Were you present at the birth? Is your name on the childs birth certificate?
                          Is Mom breastfeeding?
                          I want to add to this..what are the posters living conditions?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            In answer to the poster's questions and without making any assumptions about Mom's motivations:

                            In order to secure access to your baby, you should

                            1) Pay child support. You can use the tables at Child Support Table Look-up to find out how much you should be paying Mom each month.

                            2) Propose an access schedule to Mom. This is like a calendar with proposed dates for when the child will be with you. Give Mom a chance to agree or disagree with your access schedule or to suggest changes or modifications to it.

                            3) Make sure you have living arrangements that are suitable for caring for a very small baby (i.e. you live in a secure and stable residence, there are no safety hazards, it's very clean, you have adequate equipment [crib, play area, changing area, etc]).

                            4) If possible, get the names of friends or relatives who can confirm that you are knowledgable and capable of looking after a small infant, or who are willing to assist you.

                            If you try to go to court without doing first doing at least the first three things (and probably the fourth), you won't get very far.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Beachnana View Post
                              Well everyone is very quick to condem Mom. I expect she is at this time a little upset, as after " the accident" as you so nicely put it you then left her.

                              Did you leave her before the child was born or after. The child is only 3 months old, so I suspect before.
                              How,long a relationship was this?
                              Were you present at the birth? Is your name on the childs birth certificate?
                              Is Mom breastfeeding?
                              His unfortunate use of the word accident and his reasons for leaving, with all due respect, are completely immaterial to the matter of access and custody.

                              Comment

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