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Old 07-04-2019, 06:54 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Default Recanting my statement - a bit

Originally Posted by Jinneebhat View Post
Thanks for the valuable advise

My spouse is ready for the therapies to control her anger. Now what's for me? Want to give her one last chance or apply for divorce.

Did u apply for one? Did ur partner lost custody rights?

For you? Therapy.

My ex actually filed the application for divorce first because he wanted to see our daughter right away - and he could only do that through a family court order because of his bail conditions.

If he hadnít - yes, I wouldíve filed for divorce.

As tilt said witnessing domestic violence can be worse for kids than being a victim. Itís heartbreaking for me to admit- but I know it affected my daughter. If anyone is speaking in raised voices- not yelling, even just debating- she runs up to them and pleads with them to stop. If my parents speak in a harsh tone to me- she clings to me and cries. She was 12-17 months when she witnessed the worst of it. If I feel anxious- it will transfer to her.

Beyond filing for divorce- seek therapy for yourself and for your kids if theyíre old enough.

My ex did not lose custody rights. I continue to work with him because he says he wants to be a good dad- and thatís his right as her father. Heís an asshole, but as long as heís not an abusive asshole I donít know I have much of a say.

But know this- if she was physically abusive to you...Iím guessing she was really emotionally abusive and manipulative. She probably made you feel that you brought it on yourself, etc etc. Co-parenting with someone like that is NOT possible. Parallel is I think. Itís because you do not need to be forced to try to get along with your abuser. Donít do it. Just my personal experience.
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