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  • Custody schedule change / losing job

    Hi Everyone,

    I'm in a situation that is a bit concerning to me. When my ex and I broke up a year and a half ago, we did 7-7 custody schedule for a few months. She then dictated that it would be better for our 4 year old that it changes to 2-2-3 - I was flexible, and it's been like this for a year.

    I'm now in a position that I may be losing my job because I'm not able to travel as much as I should be or used to (I should be traveling almost half my time). I can't travel because my travel is to Europe, and 2 days isn't enough for back and forth, meetings, etc. So my employer is now saying that I have to figure this schedule thing out and switch it to 7-7 so I can travel for work. I agree . . but am worried that it won't happen.

    My ex doesn't want to change, because she is on the same schedule with her new husband's custody schedule (so they have all the children together). She says that she will take our son whenever I need to travel, but I know that she just wants to reach that 60% marker just to gain 100% child support payments (which I can't afford nor want as I may never be able to get him back 50%).

    I really need this 7-7 to work to continue working at my job (fully knowing my ex won't agree). I bounced it off my lawyer, and she said that it probably won't fly, as it's not in the best interests of the child. My perspective is that me not having a job is also NOT in the best interests of the child.

    I'm really lost on this and think I may be screwed either way . . . any advice would be great! Thanks,

    PS: The ex is REALLY not cooperative in any way, shape or form.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Pidge123 View Post
    Hi Everyone,

    I'm in a situation that is a bit concerning to me. When my ex and I broke up a year and a half ago, we did 7-7 custody schedule for a few months. She then dictated that it would be better for our 4 year old that it changes to 2-2-3 - I was flexible, and it's been like this for a year.

    I'm now in a position that I may be losing my job because I'm not able to travel as much as I should be or used to (I should be traveling almost half my time). I can't travel because my travel is to Europe, and 2 days isn't enough for back and forth, meetings, etc. So my employer is now saying that I have to figure this schedule thing out and switch it to 7-7 so I can travel for work. I agree . . but am worried that it won't happen.

    My ex doesn't want to change, because she is on the same schedule with her new husband's custody schedule (so they have all the children together). She says that she will take our son whenever I need to travel, but I know that she just wants to reach that 60% marker just to gain 100% child support payments (which I can't afford nor want as I may never be able to get him back 50%).

    I really need this 7-7 to work to continue working at my job (fully knowing my ex won't agree). I bounced it off my lawyer, and she said that it probably won't fly, as it's not in the best interests of the child. My perspective is that me not having a job is also NOT in the best interests of the child.

    I'm really lost on this and think I may be screwed either way . . . any advice would be great! Thanks,

    PS: The ex is REALLY not cooperative in any way, shape or form.
    It could be argued that it's in the best interest that you continue to work your current job and request the schedule be changed to 7-7. I'm not sure what "best interest" argument she could make against it.

    I'm not sure how this would look in front of a judge.

    Comment


    • #3
      Yes, I guess it could be . . I work from home in my current job (because it's in sales, and my clients are abroad), so when I'm not traveling, I'm able to drop off my son later and pick him up earlier from afterschool daycare. I'm guessing that's in his "best interests".

      As far as her argument, I'm guessing that he wouldn't be in sync with his new stepbrother and stepsister . . . well, at least for half the times. Also, she would probably pull up some literature that 2-2-3 is better for child development than 7-7 I don't know about that, but that's usually stuffed down my throat.

      Comment


      • #4
        In my honest opinion, she should not be disadvantaged because of your job change. That being said, she should attempt to settle this to ensure the child has maximum time with you as well.

        I know of a few people who have it written in their agreement that extra time with the other parent due to work obligations is not grounds to change custody.

        You need to understand where she is coming from also. This has been going on for a year and has been working well. I assume they have set up their household as to take into consideration all the children. While that is not your concern, that is her's.

        Search this form, as there are some threads regarding what is best for custody.

        Comment


        • #5
          Keep in mind that I'm not planning on a job change. I will be losing my job if I cannot travel. Also, since my occupation in business development is somewhat niched . . . and there aren't many companies that provide what we do. SSSOOOO . . if I lose my job, it will be difficult to find another with the same salary, if I even can find a job in the same industry (ie. starting over). So the detriment to her is that I risk making less than her, so I assume that then she would have to pay ME child support (since we're 50/50).

          Comment


          • #6
            Well the best interest of the child is to have equal time with you and money to take care of him. I don't think any judge would not allow that if it comes down to losing your job. Your access time will remain equal between the two parents which is most important and healthy for your child. And you can procvide a good life to your son with your job. I think you will be fine if you show these two things are healthy and in the best interest of the child.

            Comment


            • #7
              You can argue that as the child ages 2-2-3 becomes less important. There is a case from Quebec where the judge ordered 2-2-3 and ordered a revision to 7-7 at 4 years of age.

              Maximizing Contact with both parents is interests of the child.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Pidge123 View Post
                Keep in mind that I'm not planning on a job change. I will be losing my job if I cannot travel. Also, since my occupation in business development is somewhat niched . . . and there aren't many companies that provide what we do. SSSOOOO . . if I lose my job, it will be difficult to find another with the same salary, if I even can find a job in the same industry (ie. starting over). So the detriment to her is that I risk making less than her, so I assume that then she would have to pay ME child support (since we're 50/50).
                No one is saying you cannot travel for your job, but that doesn't mean she has to consent to an access change. It has been a status quo for over a year. One would hope that she would be flexible but there could be many reasons why she isn't.

                You have this set schedule, which I assume, as I stated, she has planned her time around, this could include child care, activities, work obligations, etc. For you to just expect her to change is not very likely. Seeing as you don't really seem to know what you want.

                You stated that you need 7 days to travel for work, but then stated in your other thread that you would be coming back a couple days before you access days to ensure you are home, so in reality you are only traveling for 3-4 days

                In order to keep your offset status, you would need to have your child 6 out of 14 days. If you are worried about CS and having to pay her more, just know that 50-50 is no different CS wise than 40-60.

                You already have a lawyer stating week about is not going to fly and I can only assume the lawyers reasons are the same regarding status quo and you cannot just expect the ex to change the arrangement because your job position is changing.

                Comment


                • #9
                  B_F, I understand what you are saying, and in fact, you are sounding a lot like my lawyer. I'm contemplating changing lawyers because she doesn't seem to even want to even give it a shot. Nonetheless, it's not about me changing my job . . something to my benefit . . it's about me LOSING my job (which by the way, would also negate any hope of me doing the Europe thing from my other thread).

                  So again, how important is it in your view that the father (me) loses his job and may not be able to properly provide for his child. Is that in the best interests of the child? At the end, what rules over the other . . her "convenience" or my "livelihood" (and ability to provide for my son)?

                  As for surpassing the 60/40, it only means 3 days a month (36 days / year). I travel MUCH more than that and have already asked my ex for approx 6 days / month to cover while I travel for business. At this rate, I will be over the 60%.

                  I think her motivation is not just the inconvenience, but she wants the 100% custody payments . . which I can't afford.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Wait a minute - aren't you the same person who started a thread titled "Out of Country/Province Custody" in which you indicated that you were contemplating living half time in Europe because you had met a woman there, with no mention of losing your job?

                    There's an important difference. If you really are going to lose your job if you don't go to Europe, it's arguably in the child's best interest that you keep your job because that's how you support your child, and it's reasonable to ask your ex to accommodate you. If you want a 7/7 schedule because you have a new girlfriend in Europe, you can't really argue that it's in the best interests of the child and should override the status quo that you have built up. Your ex has no obligation to accommodate your love life.

                    I think your lawyer is right. It's unreasonable to expect your ex, her new partner, and all the kids to change up their schedules for your convenience, and it's unethical to imply that your job is at stake if it's really about your girlfriend.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      (I just noticed that a bunch of people picked up on this discrepancy on your other thread, so I'm being redundant here).

                      I should also add that I'm not completely unsympathetic. I'm in a long-term committed relationship in which distance is a major factor. We both have week on/week off residence with our kids, but our schedules are completely opposite, such that whenever he has his kids, I don't have mine, and vice versa. In other words, there is almost no time for the two of us when no one has kids, when we could be together. This kind of sucks (and it means the kids don't get to see each other either, which they don't like). But neither of us would try to pressure our exes into changing their schedule to accommodate our relationship. Stability for the kids (including stepkids, on one side) means maintaining the status quo, even if it is not ideal for our relationship. We're the grown-ups, we make the sacrifices. If what you have with your girlfriend is strong, you'll find a way to make the relationship work, despite the distance.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Fair enough . . but the reality is that my job is (seriously) at stake . . I AM going to have to travel significantly (to Europe and other places). But please don't ram these two together, because the question about a girl in Europe is more explorational than anything else. If I am able to travel more, I "should" be fine there . . and if I travel more and then meet a girl abroad (which I've done before), that's a bonus in my eyes. However, the main priority and justification for the whole 7-7 IS my job.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Yes, I am. However, let's not lump these into one. The moving question was more explorational than anything else. The reality is that my job IS at stake and if I can't make that transition to 7-7 (which would involve travel to Europe AND elsewhere), my job will be seriously at jeapordy. The possibility of me meeting someone elsewhere is a bonus more than anything else (in my mind). But regardless, the priority and focus would be maintaining my job.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            If/when you communicate these goals to others, you should be sure to keep your story straight. The posts you've made here have some inconsistencies which could lead others to doubt the veracity of your story. First the travel is to spend half your time in Europe, then it's to visit places in Europe and elsewhere. First it's about saving your job, then it's about a woman you met, then you haven't actually met a woman but you might if you travelled more because it's happened before.

                            If I were you, before I even broached this with my ex, I would get a notarized letter from the HR department at my employer stating exactly how your job is changing, when these changes are coming into effect, and what the company requires (as in "this is a key requirement of the position") from you in terms of travel (and why these requirements can't be met by existing technologies like Skype meetings). Your own word isn't good enough. Given the stories you've offered here, I suspect your ex will assume that you're spinning things to get a schedule which offers you more convenience and a chance to visit Europe for personal reasons.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I agree with stripes - even with the letter and stuff it still won't be easy.

                              Comment

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