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What was the main reason for your relationship breakdown?

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  • Originally posted by rwm1273 View Post
    I think the government did everyone a big disservice when they came out with "no fault divorce". Bring fault back into divorce, and punish the people responsible for the breakdown of the marriage contract.
    On the surface, I'd love to agree with you, as that's my feeling in my own situation. Why should I be held to a contract to support my ex when he's the one who broke it in the first place?

    However, in practice, it would probably just lead to people being mean to one another until it's completely muddied where the 'blame' lies for a marriage breakdown, or people would stay with someone they had grown to despise much longer than is emotionally healthy. And then lawyers would get a whole bunch more of our money than they do already, and children would suffer even more.

    I figure a better way would be for marriage contracts to be finite. Five years, and then renewable. Even a healthy continuing marriage could use a little re-evaluation now and then.

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    • I do see problems with holding some people accountable for a bad marriage, but in cases where it is clear like yours and mine, why can't those responsible for the destruction of the marriage be held accountable? If they were held accountable, then it would have saved needless court battles, and perhaps some would think about the consequenses of their actions before they make them.

      I am angry that my ex caused the destruction of the marriage with infidelity, and then was awarded with the kids, the house, the car, most of my earnings, and I got to pay for this. 7 years later I am still paying, yet she is not held responsible for her actions to date, and does not help to support the kids who now live with me. All I get is continued legal problems, all paid by tax payer dollars, and nobody will put a final end to it. I am not sure if it is because she is a woman that she is able to get away with not having to pay support, or forced to work, or is permitted to continue to bring rediculous accusations to court.

      I don't really agree with the idea of making a marriage contract renewable every five years. I have been married for 5 years now, and we still are happily married, despite the ongoing problems from my previous marriage. I still believe that you marry for love and you stay married for life.
      Last edited by rwm1273; 10-25-2010, 10:28 PM.

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      • But as we saw from Ruby's post, the cheaters will say that their spouse destroyed the marriage and that their infidelity was just in response to that. In such a highly charged emotional situation, blame and responsibility is such a grey area it would be impossible to sort out legally.

        Marrying for life is apparently an outdated concept to far too many people to sustain now as a definition, so why not have limited terms? Then, in a happy marriage, you renew the vows and have another party and honeymoon!

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        • I see your point but I still think that if you cheapen the sanctity of marriage to a short term contract then you enable people to continue to disrespect their partner.
          Since no fault divorce people don't need to worry about their behavior and the biggest losers are the kids.

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          • Originally posted by tugofwar View Post
            Why don't people face that their marriage is over, get out and then move on? I don't like cheaters. I think they are just cowards!
            -- because some of those cheaters/sex weaponers/refusers are also free-loaders at the very core. Thus, ending the marriage is not to their advantage. Seeking alimony in divorce is a riskier undertaking -- just like most people, they have a fear of the unknown.

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            • They could think there`s someone better out there and string you along until they find someone else. And by the time they realize what they had was good, it`s too late

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              • Yes too late to salvage the marriage, the harm done to the kids, and recover the many tens of thousands of wasted dollars in legal fees.

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                • I am a survivor of adultery. I was only the third client my lawyer ever had that proved it and had it on the divorce order!

                  There are many reasons for adultery - but few excuses! Adultery harms everyone in the marriage, outside of the marriage, and mostly, the kids, who are the biggest victims of any divorce.

                  Moreover, after my divorce, I would not have a relationship with an adulteress.

                  I was certainly not a perfect spouse and am not a perfect parent and spouse again, but I would never cheat before at least having the respect for the family unit to separate first.

                  My two cents.

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                  • Originally posted by Kenny View Post
                    I am a survivor of adultery.
                    I survived jaywalking. Congratulations.

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                    • Originally posted by dadtotheend View Post
                      I survived jaywalking. Congratulations.
                      See once again you got to insult people. You really are a bully. Congratulations.

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                      • Originally posted by dadtotheend View Post
                        I survived jaywalking. Congratulations.
                        dadtotheend:

                        I can make jokes about adultery also, but I chose not to on a public forum as some people who have been subjected to it are sensitive.

                        For those who took their marriages seriously, it is a significant issue to get over, specially if she did it with one's boss.

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                        • I think ddte is a little reluctant to join the pity party. Maybe he just doesn't always say things is the most diplomatic way.

                          No one "survives" adultery. Your ex did not do anything TO you. Your ex did it IN SPITE of you or with absolutely no regard for you or maybe just didn't give a shit about you.

                          If you married someone who likes to sleep with other people, then you are better of without them - NOT A VICTIM!

                          And - btw - Kenny, one question .... before the divorce ... was it OK then to have a relationship with and adulteress?

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                          • Infidelity

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                            • Do tell ? You or her ?

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                              • her

                                (sigh)

                                And now she is trying to take more than the original separation agreement she wrote.

                                Life is hard sometimes

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