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Old 04-19-2011, 02:34 PM
ddol1 ddol1 is offline
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Hello #99!
Again a long post to which I struggled to get the words out but it does explore the options that can make a difference to your child. Hope it helps - I'll check back to see how this string evolves. Regards.....

I have asked this very question and researched to find the right answer. For me it is a slightly different twist. My kids did not ask for this and I know the change will be disruptive and the unknowns are well in my opinion begining to take their negative effects. I am told I am wrong in that my kids are older and they can take of their own business. I want the solution of our divorce to not forget my older kids and i if nothing else for all the things I could not give them in my situation - to get them educated and to do that they will need to sadly chose between mom or dad as there just isn't enough cash money to do otherwise. But I want the decision to include the best solution for the kids and the money coming from the sale of the house if nothing else.


So direct to your question - You are fully within your rights in what I am offering and in doing so I hope you can work with and encourage your child to escape from the failure pit you are describing. There is a very high chance that your child's difficulties are a direct result of the years in which your marriage was "breaking down" and by the very nature of divorce. Nobody wins in divorce and it looks like your child is at the bottom of the outcome. Your job as a parant is to change your child's outlook, environment, custody arrangements - this is no longer about who has custody or child support dollars - it is about the most important thing in your life. Your child's future.


There is a statement that spouses or one spouse comes in on the short end of the stick - in this case maybe it is one spouse who has not worked in 25 years. There is an expectation for the spouse to take the steps required to make it on their own and in turn have the SP come to an end. Just thinking about that really brings to the light of how complex the area of Family Law is. So like the spouse, the child is expected to have a plan to obtain the education he/she deserves and the child is expected to reach that goal in a set amount of time or better yet in a reasonable time frame. Every case is different and you need to look at your child's difficulties perhaps in a different way. I am stretching out here as I am just a conserned parent who by far has no right to offer a solution here but this message has been getting your frame of mind in a different plane so here goes!


Your child needs to have the proper living arangement that encourages sucess, encouragement and possible tutoring? One difficulty that will need to be over come is your child's age and past history of failure. It is all about getting that education that is maditory to do well in our society or accepting that maybe you will have to pump gas all your life. Next you need to look at the school your child is attending - is it the right one for your child? You need to look at your child yourself. Some kids just don't get it and there are alternative programs available in the technical area, hands on type of learning and hopefully a field that suddenly everything changes for the better and your child finds his/her calling. I understand the dynamics of the act of divorce, divided spouses and what the parents can do to each other - often the kids pay the price so both you and your ex need to get on the same page for the good of your child and I beleive that is what everyone wants but in practice is so difficult to achieve. But your child is depending on you.


So how long is reasonable for CS to continue? A tough question at best - but it hinges on the efforts you as parents put forth and the child - if the child doesn't change it around and the court sees that you the parent have really tried everything to help your child pass the education path you have set forth, the CS will be allowed to end. I think the key here is if you can't get it together with your spouse (sorry I am not used to the term EX spouse yet!!) ex spouse to try and help your child change then I can see that your appeal to the court will be heard and the CS will be stopped. I feel for your situation but like my previous post there is a moral to this story and YOUR child's sucess and future depends on everyone to work harder than ever.


Another thing that my lawyer said to me may help - the court looks on young adult children as just that and the expectation is for the young adult to take care of themself without parental aid mandated by the court. So assuming there is no mediating circumstances like a disability that hinders the child what education is enough? Is it high school, trade school, college, university, MBA, Phd....... a welder, mechanic, a doctor.... Well I was told the level of education is based on what plans were there on the day divorce was declared.


If your child was planning and working towards or preparing for some form of education direction then usually this is what the court would try to continue. I believe this is where the phrase "status quo" is what I hear over and over from the lawyers. Directly to your question of how much education there is the statute in the Family Law that declares education is not a continuous never ending situation which I think the intent is there is no "professional" students who never stop going to school and no continued failures and second, third, forth.... attemps to achieve one's goal. Sadly, what your child is in really is a delema for all involved. A pattern where failure, dispare and futility are your child's reality and it is your job to put an end to "endless" CS and more than money - save your child from jail or worse.


I must admit it is now three hours (and three crashes with my fingeers at the keyboard)) I have been at this post! Aghh it takes me so long to do things it drives me....... but I help myself while I help others so with that I sign off hoping this was worth your time to read. Good luck to you and your child - it will be a long hard road.