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Old 08-07-2011, 10:17 PM
lorlaman lorlaman is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: East York
Posts: 130
lorlaman is on a distinguished road
Default Where Do I Go From Here?

1.Met in 1984, started living together in 1988 after she received her divorce from first husband ( she married at 16 after quitting school in grade 11!)

2.I my owned house solely in my name, she made no contributions

3. She rarely worked throughout entire relationship

4. 1996, had first child

5. 1998, sold house, investment advisor lost ALL the money (over 150k) in stock market in less than 9 months!

6. 1998, second daughter born

7. 1999, I receive my divorce from my first marriage of 5 years, 15 years after the break up.

8. 1999, legal action taken against investment co.

9. 2000, I borrow 150k solely in my name from my family to purchase house, 357k, 150 down, mortgage 200k, property in both our names.

10.We up the mortgage to 275, then 325 to pay for legals re; investment loss as well as other financial short falls and repairs to house.

11. We still are living common law and never do marry.

12. 2004, she gets prescription for speed from family doctor (unknown to me) to lose weight and goes on a fitness regiment to an obsession level.

13. She becomes severely paranoid and delusional, accusing me of trying to poison/kill her. I don't know what has gotten into her..midlife crisis, history of mental health issues in family (father), menopause, thyroid imbalance (also in her family)?????

14. 2006, She takes a job driving a school bus, clearly not mentally fit (due to drug use still unknown to me), despite my pleas, she sticks out the school year. June 2007, she quits the bus job.

15. I do all house repairs, renovations, repair and service our family vehicles, her gym equipment, large appliances etc. ( I am a licensed Millwright and Industrial Mechanic), she makes no contribution of any sort other than household cleaning and cooking etc.

16. She gets a good job, works 3 days and doesn't show up for work and is terminated.

17. Early 2009, take her to hospital with kids in tow (now 9 and 11), kids report paranoid issues to doctor as well as I. The prescription use is made known to me and the doctor, advises her to get off the drugs since they are poisoning her, prescription written for anti psych medication, never filled.

18. Dec 2009, she does not get off drugs despite repeated pleas from children and I, and is an addict while paranoia worsens. I attend family doctor, explain the situation. Doctor agrees to get her off meds. She has up to 6 repeats for meds @100/pills per bottle, gets all 6 repeats filled at once, flatly refuses to get off the meds, nothing Dr. can do.

19. Jan 2010, we have serious fight over her drug use, children watching, she makes 3 "motions" of kneeing me in the groin, third time she contacts me and I defend myself, pin her to wall and then to floor to restrain her. I call mental health distress centre, phone occupied by 911 operator (she called).

20. Police take testimony from all (I explain paranoia issues as well), she admits the "motions" of kneeing me, denies making any contact. Police arrest her. Officer offers her water from a sealed bottle. She takes a drink and tells officer, the water is poisoned.

21. Police take her to hospital, physc doctor reports she is paranoid and delusional, needs to get off drugs, she refuses.

22. Peace bond keeps her away from home for 3 months, I pay her accommodation, legals, etc. During this time, she has affair and overspends the joint account.

23. I open new account ( I borrow to pay off all $5k overdraft on joint acct and remove the overdraft protection), direct my paycheck to the new account, she has no access to money other than her credit cards.

24. May 2010, She returns home, charges dropped since she agrees to wean off drugs. Does not get any treatment and she is peace bonded.

25. She is sour and adamant that I lied to police getting her arrested. Denies any and all her paranoia, lies to kids and me, won't attend counseling for relationship or self, kids become increasingly distant from her.

26. She begins to drink about 1-26oz bottle of tequila straight, a week or so. I find empty bottles, receipts on her visa (I have copies), bottles hidden in house.

27. June 2010, relationship worsens despite my attempts and advice from my counselor. We sleep in separate beds. She refuses do my laundry, cook for me etc. I remove her from all benefits at work, beneficiary, cancel her cell phone, etc.

28. She starts cleaning houses for $25/hr cash, does not contribute to household. I continue to pay all household bills (except hers), do the grocery shopping, cook my own food, my laundry etc.

29. July 2010, she assaults older daughter (now 13). Police called, no charges laid. CAS again involved, we sign voluntary 6 month contract.

30. October 2010, I propose marriage wondering if this is a contributing factor. She refuses proposal.

31. I now seek legal advice, find I am way better off since we are common law.

32. House is placed for sale, she refuses to assist in cleaning it up.

33. 2 weeks later, she again assaults me, 12 year old daughter calls 911, police arrive and arrest her again; 1 count assault, 1 count breach of peace bond.

34. While in jail, I sent a letter through my lawyer urging her to get treatment, agree to marriage/couples counseling and I will accept her back home. If not agreeable, I will pursue custody of kids, EP of home. Letter goes un-responded.

35. I enroll kids and myself in regular counseling to help deal with the family issues and their relationship with mother.

36. Despite repeated requests from me, she does not forward kids birth certificates, passports, or health cards. I replace health cards.

37. She gets family lawyer/mediator, demands scheduled access to kids. I give her open access subject to wishes of the children. She sees the kids once in November cut short because her boyfriend is waiting for her, then again on Christmas eve, 4 days after her mother passes away. Kids call me wanting to come home as she is becoming increasingly aggressive.

38. She rarely talks to kids on the phone, sends text messages here and there. I keep trying to encourage kids to see her and be more understanding as she is not well, she seems to want little to do with them despite the open and liberal access.

39. March 2011, we attend case conference, accuses me of being an alcoholic, coaching the kids to not see her, demands EP of the home, SS of 2,500/mos, CS at 1,600 mos, division of assets, pension, and accuses me of interfering with sale of house.

40. We agree to OCL intervention, judge imputes income to her of 30k against my 100k income, awards her 1,500 in SS with no CS, scheduled access every other weekend and each Mon and Wed, orders me to take alcohol test and her a drug and alcohol test. Invites her lawyer to bring 14a motion to sell house. Directs me to place her back on all benefits and life insurance.

41. I immediately go for hair follicle test, forward all particulars; bank statements, pension, benefit assignment, etc. to my lawyer within weeks. My lawyer does not forward docs right away. A few weeks later, he suffers heart attack and he nor his office keeps in touch with me. Her lawyer is sending him repeated letters which go unanswered. I call office and get no responses despite multiple lawyers and a secretary working there.

42. I make an offer to buy house at 10k over an arms length offer we receive without RE fees. Her lawyer refuses offer.

43. End of April, 2011, kids have been attending scheduled access for 6 weeks against their will. Mother and kids have a huge fight, call me while I am doctors office. Doctor hears kids describing issue while on speakerphone, he calls police to exercise a form 1 and have her admitted. Police cannot enforce the form 1.

44. Kids refuse to see mother unless she agrees to go to counseling with them. She refuses. Kids remain firm.

45. She attends OCL meeting with her lawyer...not necessary. I attend OCL alone, OCL describes my ex as being guarded and vague at meeting. I attend for 3 hours. Kids attend for 4 hours. After interview with kids, OCL although early, she is 80% certain, kids are not being coached.

46. Since my lawyer is not responding I secure new legal counsel. Coincidentally, next day, I am served with contempt of court motion, accusation of Parental Alienation Syndrome, accusation of material change in circumstances wants me out of the house and Ex take my place; she live with the kids. I file really long answer with many exhibits proving her lying on several issues and specifying why children do not trust her and at the court house, she suddenly retracts everything. She now agrees to go to counseling with kids, I demand counselor with psych background and she agrees. Settlement conference remanded to September following report by OCL.

47. I supplied list of counselors with psych background right away since her lawyer states "time is of the essence", 1 month later, she finally makes appt but with a generalist counselor, not as agreed. She attends 2 sessions with kids.

48. Mother just receives about 125k in inheritance from mother's estate.

49. Daughter and I attend as witnesses to her assault charge, defence lawyer brings up whole 25 year relationship . Case to be concluded in October. Now testimony from criminal charge can be used in Family court.

50. Mother reports to kids she has rented a 3 bedroom house and will move in September, offers them to 'pick their own furniture'. Kids do not want to live with her.

51. Results of her alcohol and drug test from March still not forwarded.