View Single Post
Old 04-15-2018, 02:19 PM
LeChateau LeChateau is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 15
LeChateau is on a distinguished road

There are so many layers involved with fleeing/or dealing with domestic abuse or violence that the average person would not consider or know about.

I've been through it, and I'm certain that if I had more imformation, legal representation, and a support system at the time my approach would have been different. But here's what I've learned and here's my advice to any woman who's experienced DV.

1. Leave as early as possible.

Don't wait for him to kill you! It never get's better and all of the "I'm sorry, I'll get help, I will never do it again" in the world will never make up for the pieces of yourself you lose when you stay and "forgive". You're kids don't need to see that or feel that everyday.

2. Get a lawyer and speak to the police.

There's no guarantee that charges will be laid but telling your story is cathartic. You need to try!

A Good lawyer will advocate for you, not victimize you. When you meet one, you will know the difference.

3. If you want to move away (Get a lawyer that specializes in mobility law)

There are MANY cases where women are permitted to move, and cases where they were not. You don't know what a judge will decide so don't assume. You have to do what's in the best interest of your child, don't just read posts on internet forums rather, sit with a lawyer and get legal advice, and move forward from there. And make sure you have a good reason.

4. ...If you're married to a lawyer or a judge

Please get a lawyer that does not know him and one who's willing to fight for you, don't represent yourself. This is their game, they know the rules and there's a good chance that you might not play as well as they do.

Watch out for Procedural Fairness, Conflict of interests and any bias' that might arise. Your lawyer is supposed to advocate for you, don't be afraid to walk away if/when they don't.

5. Get therapy for yourself and your child.

I can't stress enough, the importance of working out all of the issues that lead you to that relationship/ Or that made you want to stay.

You will be triggered from time to time, but knowing when it happens and how to navigate your feelings will go a long way to helping you cope and move forward. Remember that life always moves forward, there's always tomorrow.

Lastly, the moment you decide to leave, your world will be turned upside down.
Understand that all abusers are Narcs. You need to educate the life out of yourself, look up co-dependency, and narcissistic abuse. My therapist specializes in DV and PTSD (I've learned that most ppl who leave abusive relations will have some degree of PTSD)

Your abuser should also be getting help, but most of the time they do not change. We must accept that, and focus on raising healthy children.

There are two masters that I highly recommend you checking out:

1. Richard Grannon

Richard is amazing. And he speaks from the perspective of a male survivor of abuse. He's still amazing.

2. Kris Godinez

Also, a therapist. She's not a cuddly as Richard but she states facts and she also does livestreams every weekend on her FB page.

6. Get your Money up!

A friend of mine said this to me and I laughed, but she was right. I had a small business, but I was not able to run it properly (because of obvious reasons).. That changed the moment I decided to take action.

Luck for you, we live in 2018. People start businesses at home, online all the time, even if it's an Etsy shop, Just visit Udemy or Youtube and start learning how to do something that you might enjoy, that will likely bring you in some extra money. Because you will need it!

Lastly, never let someone else's opinion of you dictate to you, who you truly are. You are not a victim. You were a target! Now it's time to pivot, and evolve into someone who is happy, safe, confident, self-reliant and abuse-free!