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Not facilitating access..the excuse

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  • Not facilitating access..the excuse

    Hi

    So since covid I never get my kids and the ex doesn't help.

    We did an emergency motion and ex got a scathing warning from the judge.. essentially if her behavior continues the access will flip to exclusive to me...her behavior was horrid.
    Among other things, ordered that on arrival to my house she was to exit the vehicle and assist.


    That was June...and nothing changed

    This month, 2 weekends the ex refused to exit her car to assist bc she was on her period...will that ever in a million years be an acceptable excuse...

  • #2
    Why does she need to get out of the car to assist? Are you unable to take a child out if a car seat? Or put them in?

    You are just as ridiculous.

    Comment


    • #3
      My daughter is 8 and resists. If I try to pull daughter out, the ex will make a scene. Essentially I do go out..I do song and dances to try and get them out while she sits on her phone and does nothing. My daughter is maligned and it is incumbent on the mother to get her out. That is the court order. When my daughter insults my family including my 3 year old nephew, she says nothing and somewhat encourages it. When my daughter actually mocks me, she does nothing.

      She also will talk shit about my family at the access.
      In addition if my son is inside I have to watch him bc witnessing the exchanges are quite hostile. A 5 year old does not need to see his sister punch and kick and walk out to his mother talking smack..when he does get out she pulls him into the car and tries to use him to get her in

      The ex is gaslighting the kids, encouraging my daughter to call my dad the swear king. Yesterday the ex refused to walk the kids to car bc of her period. I was sitting on her steps trying to get my son and comforting him bc he is confused, my daughter comes out to insult me and my mom...I correct her behavior...the ex then gets up to chastise me for correcting the behavior.

      She was also told when my daughter does not come with me that she is to not have electronics or go shopping or sleepovers as it rewards my daughter..that continues

      Prior to covid I had a loving relationship with my daughter...now alienation is starting.

      We have court on Thursday to deal with in person school...she unilaterally put them in virtual learning despite our area being very low risk for covid. There is no order on decision making. She has told the kids that if they don't come with me they will have to go to school.

      So I'm sorry for not giving all those details up front, but I am not rediculous..I am doing everything I can but when she cannot even be bothered to walk 5he kids to my car..the excuses will fly

      Comment


      • #4
        I should also add in that all these issues started bc I was unable to pay the full ss amount despite the fact that pre covid I was overpaying 2k a month and covid dropped my income by 30 percent. We tried discussing...when access would not happen I would text when can I get her tomorrow and the reply would be "whenever you give me the rest of my money, or it's not my problem"...so yes I'm very much dealing with a high conflict situation that is damaging my kids...and sorry I didn't explain all the context upfront

        Comment


        • #5
          Go to the car and get the kid out. Period. You are the parent. If your child kicks and screams then you exact a specific punishment when you get in the house. Your daughter knows she can do this because she has gotten away with it.

          If that doesn’t work, use bribes. Daddy has a special treat for you in the house come and see.

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          • #6
            I have done all of that...all of it

            If I try to grab the ex will.scream and make situation worse...

            All these basic suggestions have been done...it's been 6 months

            Comment


            • #7
              Again..all these issues have gone before a judge

              Did not criticise what I was doing at all

              It is �� the responsibility of the parent dropping the kid off to make sure access happens..

              Essentially said if mom does not change her ways the kids will be with me exclusively..so all these suggestions have been done
              I got her a giant Barbie house for cripes sake

              The situation is very much parental alienation..my daughter recruits her 5 year old brother to hate my nephew and recruits him to not come with me..she's 8..it's a major issue

              Comment


              • #8
                Then file a motion. If its been six months and she was warned you file an emergency motion.

                Comment


                • #9
                  We did in June won handidly
                  Then have for school

                  We tried emergency motion for contempt but the judge triaged it to regular motions. Contempt is a tough but I have claer proof

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                  • #10
                    I would also recommend therapy. If she is that manipulative at 8 then you will have difficulty as she ages.

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                    • #11
                      I suggested that but she asserts that I am the problem and nothing wrong with kids

                      We had therapy for our daughter..she missed 33 of 52 appts

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                      • #12
                        What a mess. There are more and more cases popping up regarding COVID and school, and it appears the courts are leaning towards in-class learning unless there are legitimate health concerns of the child or parent(s).

                        Lots of crap going on at exchanges that needs to stop. Can't you tailor access so that exchanges are done through the school? Mom drops off kid and says Dad is picking you up.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Hard right now for drop off spots bc covid.

                          I also view that as a bandaid to an underlying behavior problem.

                          On Friday when I went to get my daughter out of car..she brought up a play she saw with my mom when she was 2 and how it was fake frozen play and it was bad of my mom to take her.
                          I vaguely remember her loving it bc she was 2.
                          It's called gaslighting.
                          She is telling my kids my dad tried to kill her.

                          I really can't see a shared parenting plan working bc of alienation campaign...her mom did the same thing to her when she was that age so I am not suprised

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Get your school situation figured out asap and then pick up your kid at school, and you drop off at school, etc.

                            With regards to your ex's behaviour, you cannot fix crazy. You cannot force your ex into counseling to change her ways. You cannot control your ex to act a certain way, or not act another way. In court you will say she badmouths you and she will say she doesn't, and judge will tell you to both cut the crap. Focus on you and your time with your kid, not what your ex is saying. Kids figure it out eventually on their own regarding bad-mouthing other parent.

                            Also, you are misusing the term gaslighting. Gaslighting is when someone pushes your buttons to get you from calm to angry, and then when you finally get angry and try to address the button-pushing, they point the finger at you suggesting you have anger problems.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I cannot fix her behavior but if consistently my behavior is rationale hopefully the assessor sees shared parenting cannot happen.

                              Gaslighting is any type of psychological technique where you alter someone's perception of reality

                              Comment

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