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Old 12-13-2013, 01:11 AM
Serene Serene is offline
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
I just spent some time reading over many of your previous posts/threads.

Thank you for going over my previous posts/threads. I have tried to focus my posts on the questions I needed answered the most. Unfortunately, that doesn't convey the entire situation accurately, or logically for posters to read. It provides a glimpse of the situation but I'm not confident the entire situation is evident.

You have indeed been very busy gathering information for many months. It seems to me that you have been doing a 'crash course' on family law. You have bravely attempted to apply what you have learned to your own situation.
For the life of me I can't get a grasp on what it is you hope to accomplish. You seem to be all over the map, for lack of better words. You have spent countless time on trying to prove what?
We are really trying to defend ourselves against malicious and unfounded allegations. I guess we are trying to prove that we are telling the truth and the mother is lying about many things too.

While I haven't been following your threads closely, I just today decided to drop in on this thread which prompted me to review your other threads. I found that in scanning through much of what "we" [you and your current partner I presume] have gone through, all I come up with is the conclusion that you are unable to co-parent effectively with "we's" ex.
Co-parenting is definitely an issue. The issues are two-fold: We are accused of not being actively involved or know about the children's best interest and well being, yet the only time we have not been involved is when the mother has actively went to great lengths to deny or prevent our participation with the children.

Everything is focussed on disparaging "we's" ex rather than putting forward an argument of why the "we's" want 50-50 custody (although I'm not really sure after reading everything of what it is that "we" wants).
We want the children to spend time with us without interference from the mother. We don't want to be accountable for what we do, who we do it with, when we do it. Our access time should be ours to spend as we choose. We shouldn't have to justify if we go to a community event or not, if we choose to do homework over soccer, etc. Mom is overly preoccupied with our lives (not just of the children's) but things that don't even involve the children and are irrelevant to effectively co-parent. We want to simplify our lives, and specifically, simplify the lives of the children.

I don't mean to crap on you, and again I commend you for deciding to try self-represent, but if I can't follow what you're really after then how do you expect someone else to? All I gather from what I've read is that there is intense hatred for the ex and the "three" of you will stop at nothing to try to prove the other is unworthy of parenting. I especially got this impression with your patronizing attempts to have the mother attend mandatory counselling. It was pretty apparent to me that this was merely an attempt to do what you accuse the mother of doing.
I appreciate your candor. Again, I have not attempted to lay out the situation in my threads for what it is or in logical sequence. You are only getting fragments of the reality of our situation and I can understand how that is easily confused or misconstrued. I need to clarify something: we have never said nor intended to promote that the mother is unworthy of parenting. In fact, we have never criticized the mother's parenting and have remained silent on every parenting regime, rule, custom, tradition, etc. that happens in her home. We believe that both parents should have autonomy in parenting the children as they deem appropriate (of course in reason, and we have had no reason to make allegations of physical abuse, etc.). We don't agree on many things, but we have never injected ourselves into her family/home life with the children as we know that it is not our place.

I didn't mean to sound patronizing about the counseling. I read other posts about this very topic and was wondering how it worked out for others and tried to gain insight of other individual's situations that were perhaps similar. We asked mom for her voluntary participation in counseling many times over and have yet to receive it. We respectfully check in with mom from time to time to see if she will take us up on our offer to attend counseling together but have yet to be successful. After reading other's comments and posts I'd have to agree that forced counseling doesn't make sense and likely won't reach the desired end state. In layman's terms, we were grasping at straws and looking for alternatives to the unknown. No harm done.

I hope you seriously consider hiring an attorney to guide you. I think you have relied too heavily on people on this forum in creating your own personalized "child custody 101" manual.
We are not in a position to hire an attorney. We can access legal advice in the background when and should we need it. However, I can tell you that exploring options and other's comments on this thread has been invaluable whereas we can continue to investigate leads or suggestions from others before we seek legal advice and thereby reducing our legal costs. We can also better focus our conversation with an attorney to get more bang for our buck. For these very reasons I am grateful for this forum and what it can offer us. There are also times I see an opinion or point of view I had never even considered before and often times that brings me hope.

Ultimately we are seeking solutions. We don't want to point blame but sometimes, at least I think, we might have to acknowledge fault to determine how to fix what is broken...

Sorry, but that's the way I see it. You did say you wanted feedback.....
I do want feedback and appreciate this very much!