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  • Will this ever end?

    Trying to hold down the panic.
    Situation is challenging to say the least. I am the only one supporting the kids (whom ex has voluntarily decided not to see in almost a year). Once in awhile FRO collects CS.

    Ex has taken all of marital cash assets (1 million) which he is hiding in a numbered company since separation. In addition he has a 6 figure personal injury settlement.

    My work is part-time contract and extremely insecure. I have spent all my life savings RRSP's on legal fees to protect my children's safety. I can not afford to go to court ( which has been useless to date as nothing is settled, court only made things much much worse).

    Ex is a multi-millionaire while the kids and I are living in hiding ( I don't want to go into details as to why). I am applying for full time jobs everywhere nearby. No luck so I am spirling my job search out, further and further away. At this point I will take any full time job anywhere in Canada. I have children who need to eat!
    My questions are:
    1. How would the court view my having to move far away in order to find a decent job to support my kids? Don't get me wrong...I realize that the judges presiding over my case think very highly of me by entrusting the care and welfare of my children cometely over to me but...the truth is I am NOT Jesus and can not turn a loaf of bread into twenty to feed my kids (I'm only human)

    2. Will the court ever put a stop to it or do I have to take things into my own hands? ( Finding work elsewhere, moving, )

    I feel so frustrated because I have the ability to climb out of this but every time I try the court allows my ex to shove me back down. Why does the court entrust me with the kids yet at the same time not allow me to take care of them by allowing my ex to destroy me? I don't get it!!!!
    Bad enough my kids only have one active parent at present. It feels like the court's objective is to make orphans out of my kids!
    Last edited by Stillbreathing; 05-19-2015, 11:21 PM. Reason: Spelling

  • #2
    I am not going to ask why don't you fight for SS hell even without a lawyer or a lawyer who will take money only if you win since ex is so rich.

    1. You move away with the kids depends on many factors including your parenting agreement. Since your ex hasn't seen the kids in over a year, I assume you have sole custody and moving away because of a job is often granted, especially if ex is hiding from paying cs/ss.

    2. I dont think court will help you get money from ex. I am guessing you have to get a job. IDK where you live but if you lets say live in London and find a good and secure job in Winnipeg, I highly doubt the court would say no. Also you provided no details how your ex "drags you back down" which is harder for people here to give you their opinion.

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    • #3
      I have asked for SS but court has not yet made a determination. Ex still refusing to disclose all income sources.

      Last year he dragged me to court almost weekly for trivial things. Last judge put a dent in that he needs court approval first now to file a motion. He did succeed in wiping my life savings out with my legal bill.

      Tried to let my lawyer go in order to self rep but lawyer said my case is so complicated I would have a hard time. Lawyer slashed fees drastically to help me. We've been asking for 2014 finacial disclosure since January but ex and his lawyer out and out ignore us. I've been scraping by, trying desperately to pay down my credit cards which have been maxed due to legal fees. I almost have room to pay on them to pay my lawyer for one more court appearance.
      I wanted to have my lawyer represent me one more time at motion court for SS, child support changed to what it should be based on some of the evidence of what we do have re: his investment income, etc...
      My ex has not co-operated with anything ( most likely due to his mental disability). He refuses all offers to settle and comes back with a ridiculous counter offer where he gets not only unsupervised access to the kids but sole custody, full table CS from me, SS and walks away with 100% of the proceeds from the marital home, the million he stole and also that I have to pay an additional $300,000 equalization payment to him!

      There is no communicating with him on anything. He is not there upstairs and is in that grey area of a person developing dementia who has not yet been deemed incompetent and is running amuck with a greedy lawyer in tow.

      I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. I need to take him to court but I can't really afford to. I want to go self rep but the case is so complicated I'm terrified of the consequences of doing so.
      There are no permanent orders of any kind yet. NONE of the issues at all have been settled yet after years in court!

      Problem is I'm living in that quicksand place called "the meantime." My kids and I need a roof over our heads and to eat in the meantime while I wait for the judges to make some kind of final orders to end this nightmare.
      If this goes to trial I am so screwed. I can't afford a lawyer. My family and I would almost be better off if the judge lined us up infront of a firing squad. It would be more humane!

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      • #4
        If FRO is involved you must have an order for CS. Why are they not suspending his license and passport? Do they not seize the bank accounts?

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        • #5
          Last year he took you to court 16 times fighting for his kids. 16 judges have overseen this.

          How did the intensive parenting assessment go? If I'm not mistaken the courts even cancelled OCL for these parenting assessments. What judge in their right mind would cancel OCL with the info you gave? Im trying to connect the dots here.

          I forget .. has he harmed the children? I understand he had an accident and you claim he now is violent and consequently you need to hide your children from him. Also he's a millionaire .. or going to be one. So I'm assuming CAS agrees with those actions (hiding children) and he has a file open with them for child abuse/neglect?

          And I'm confused. Why are you hiding them if he's an uninvolved father anyways. What's there to hide from if he's not around and doesn't want to be around? (dots not being connected for me still).

          Either way it sounds like a devastating situation for everybody. I just have a rough time hearing about one parent hiding children from the other without VERY good reason (proof of abuse to children, etc).

          A friend of a friend was in a car accident and he also becoes aggressive at times and other mental issues. BUT .. he's still a loving, devoted father.

          Just trying to refresh my memory. I'm trying to wrap my head around this guy being uninvolved but fighting for his parental rights in court X16 last year. Kind of sounds like he wants to be involved, with no proof of child abuse.

          Just be very careful about hiding children from another parent out of paranoia of what "could" happen.
          Last edited by LovingFather32; 05-20-2015, 07:12 AM.

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          • #6
            I am not hiding the kids from him. I am in hiding with the kids so he does not know where we live. If he wants to see them again his lawyer can contact mine and we will accommodate supervised access as per the court order.

            I fled the marital home because of his erratic behaviour while the kids and I lived there. He took out the marital bed and other furniture and burned them in the fire pit. I have no hard core evidence but he has done this type of thing in the past. The kids and I know he did this and it terrified the kids. He has also threatened to have all the pets put down if we leave them in the home during showings. I haven't let the kids know this as it would further traumatize them .

            No he wasn't fighting for his kids last year. Most of the court appearances had to do with money, marital assets, etc.
            Social work assessment still not completed!
            You can not paint this man with the brush of a normal father who wants to see his kids. As I said before, this is a horrific situation for all of us ( including him). He is getting taken for a ride by his lawyer because he himself is so cognitively impaired he has no idea what he's doing.

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            • #7
              He has also been videoed by a neighbor doing property damage when the kids and I were away. Every time we were not home and he had access to the marital home more things would go missing. Even things and items purchased after our separation including personal items belonging to the kids! It was an unsafe place for us to live.

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              • #8
                He did assault the kids. No jail time. I asked the prosecutor not to as jail would serve no purpose. He didn't do it on purpose . He can't help himself due to his injury. Was on strict conditions for 18 mos. Breached those conditions which were then extended.

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                • #9
                  Sorry to hear that things haven't improved for you.

                  I have some questions about your order for financial disclosure. Did your lawyer specify date that the other side was to comply? Without this in an Order the paper is pretty much useless to you but a guaranteed return trip to court for the lawyer (more money). Keep track of these sorts of things for future should you want to assess your lawyer's bill (which wouldn't surprise me). Don't be fooled by the "nice-guy" lawyer. Lawyers don't work for free. He/she is sticking around merely because they can sniff a pay-day.

                  Sounds as though you have some sort of Order in place because you mention FRO sending money once in a while. Is this regular CS? There are many steps FRO can take to access money held in someone else's name. Problem with this is FRO will likely have to exhaust other collection activities first. I'd keep the pressure on FRO.

                  It is encouraging to hear that your ex had his legal wings clipped and that he has to have everything approved before he can take you to court. This should slow him down a bit.

                  You have to do what you have to do to support your children. If that involves a move then so be it. I would think that your ex would protest vehemently but likely encounter little success, especially in light of the fact that he does not pay regular CS. I can't see anyone faulting you for that. Keep in mind that once you move you may face substantial expenses to travel back to court.

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                  • #10
                    Plus to add what Arabian said..if you move without his consent, you may be forced to let the kids move back or he may get CS reduced due to high access costs and/or get most of summer holidays etc with them.

                    Have you talked to welfare and other social services to see what is available for help for you?

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                    • #11
                      This seems like a mental health issue of your ex...

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                      • #12
                        Yes Links17. He has brain damage from a motorcycle accident. Left in the morning as my husband, came out of hospital a stranger with an explosive temper. Very sad .

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                        • #13
                          Tough situation. Though I'm still confused a tad on how it's so difficult for you to obtain hard evidence of this temper?

                          You state that neighbours have him on video doing property damage while you were away. Why not include this as some evidence?
                          Last edited by LovingFather32; 05-21-2015, 04:58 PM.

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                          • #14
                            I do have tons of evidence, police, CAS, school, doctors and specialists reports, counsellors , etc. if you took away everything I said or any accusations I have made and stuck to the evidence and accusations of others it would be open and shut. Even a member of his family and his friends have sworn affidavits regarding his temper. Family court does not protect children even with evidence. How horrific and frustrating is that?
                            I will be using the video next time in court

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                            • #15
                              After I read more of your case, I am not pessimistic despite all what you wrote or what has happened. What you do need is a good lawyer. If you cannot get even a legal aid one, go represent yourself. Ask questions here. I can recommend a couple of books. It is sad what has happened to him but that doesn't mean children should suffer. A millionaire father keeping his kids and ex wife poor...?....I'd never give up for neither cs nor ss. If he was a regular worker making money cheque by cheque then it is a typical case which you have people for and against but those who have millions or companies....no one would be against you....never give up.

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