So. assuming my ex doesn't fight the OCL report- and right now that's a BIG assumption. The report basically handed me a blank slate to suggest a parenting plan to help us reach a resolution. Because otherwise- it basically said "mom gets everything. father gets supervised access".
My lawyer said our strategy is to wait for the final report (2week turnaround)- and then offer a very good final parenting plan. He said to use these next few weeks to think about what I'm comfortable with- in terms of access and supervision.
Custody is not going to be negotiable. Sole is what I will be seeking. I will be open to joint with final say (so really- sole). But even with sole- I'm open to having all major decisions to be worked through with a parenting coordinator if agreement cannot be reached by the parents.
For now- it's just status quo on the supervision and access schedule- which is Wed. 2:30-5:30, and Saturdays 10am-5pm.
I don't even know where to start. We do have a co-parent counsellor. But let's be real- those sessions are not very productive right now. My ex is going to be on his best behaviour in the next ones because he wants something.
Here are the factors:
Our daughter
I want what's best for our daughter- she's 2.5 now. She's extremely verbal- BUT and it's a big BUT- she's 2.5...if you guys remember your toddlers at that age- they lie like cheap rugs all the time. They can't really distinguish between what they are told happened and what really happened. I worry about what is being said to her. For example, she asked me the other day "is mama fat?"- and we don't speak like that in my house...so you know where she's getting it. I ignored it. But I have concerns of what is being said to her and most importantly- how she's being managed/disciplined. Each kid is different- but our daughter is definitely strong willed. Meaning- she's a handful- full out tantrums. But she's also a good listener and responds well to firm boundaries. I don't tell the ex how to discipline her. In co-parent counselling- I've told him what works at my home.
My ex
My ex has issues. Major anger issues. I'm not convinced he can handle her for long periods of time. The OCL noted this and said that she had concerns about his ability to control his anger with a 2 year old. So that's the background.
...
All that being said. I want to actually reach a resolution that allows our daughter to keep spending quality time with dad- to be increased- as long as she's safe.
What does gradual increase of access look like?
How did you guys arrive at a final parenting plan?
How often do you allow a parenting plan to be revised? What major milestones should I consider?
...
I should premise all of this on the fact that nothing gets increased unless my ex actually gets help and I'm as sure as I can be that he's safe to be around our daughter.
My lawyer said our strategy is to wait for the final report (2week turnaround)- and then offer a very good final parenting plan. He said to use these next few weeks to think about what I'm comfortable with- in terms of access and supervision.
Custody is not going to be negotiable. Sole is what I will be seeking. I will be open to joint with final say (so really- sole). But even with sole- I'm open to having all major decisions to be worked through with a parenting coordinator if agreement cannot be reached by the parents.
For now- it's just status quo on the supervision and access schedule- which is Wed. 2:30-5:30, and Saturdays 10am-5pm.
I don't even know where to start. We do have a co-parent counsellor. But let's be real- those sessions are not very productive right now. My ex is going to be on his best behaviour in the next ones because he wants something.
Here are the factors:
Our daughter
I want what's best for our daughter- she's 2.5 now. She's extremely verbal- BUT and it's a big BUT- she's 2.5...if you guys remember your toddlers at that age- they lie like cheap rugs all the time. They can't really distinguish between what they are told happened and what really happened. I worry about what is being said to her. For example, she asked me the other day "is mama fat?"- and we don't speak like that in my house...so you know where she's getting it. I ignored it. But I have concerns of what is being said to her and most importantly- how she's being managed/disciplined. Each kid is different- but our daughter is definitely strong willed. Meaning- she's a handful- full out tantrums. But she's also a good listener and responds well to firm boundaries. I don't tell the ex how to discipline her. In co-parent counselling- I've told him what works at my home.
My ex
My ex has issues. Major anger issues. I'm not convinced he can handle her for long periods of time. The OCL noted this and said that she had concerns about his ability to control his anger with a 2 year old. So that's the background.
...
All that being said. I want to actually reach a resolution that allows our daughter to keep spending quality time with dad- to be increased- as long as she's safe.
What does gradual increase of access look like?
How did you guys arrive at a final parenting plan?
How often do you allow a parenting plan to be revised? What major milestones should I consider?
...
I should premise all of this on the fact that nothing gets increased unless my ex actually gets help and I'm as sure as I can be that he's safe to be around our daughter.
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