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Old 02-03-2017, 12:48 AM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Originally Posted by e28makaveli View Post
I also find it ridiculous that I am not allowed to step away for a weekend as it implies not wanting to spend time with my children. I must be missing something here.
You are indeed missing something. You think that the family justice system is fair, it is not.

As a father, there is an assumption that you are not the primary parent. There is a further assumption that you do not want to be the primary parent, and that if you say you want shared custody, you are only saying that to reduce your child support obligations.

To get shared custody as a father, you have to be perfect. That means, among other things, that you use 100% of the parenting time that you have with your children.

You are about to leave for an entire month. That screams to the courts that you are not a primary parent. This is not a surprise, since as a father they already knew that. You just confirmed their stereotypes. Even worse mom had to step in to fix the mess you made. Not only are you a lousy parent, but she is the real parent who does the parenting.

This basically destroys any chance you have of getting shared parenting. It means that you will get allotted less than 40% of the time with your children. It means that you will have to pay table child support, which means that you will not be able to provide for your children. They will get their clothes, their vacations, their food from their mother. Maybe you are the one giving the money behind the scenes, but mom is the one actually buying the stuff. Your contribution is unnoticed, no matter how often you try to bring it up.

It gets bleaker. Your kids are 90 minutes away. Sometimes the weather is bad and you don't want to drive. Sometimes they have birthday parties with a friend, and they don't want to miss it, so you miss that weekend. Soon every other weekend becomes once a month. You have less in common with them. It becomes harder to justify making the trip when they don't really want to see you as much either. Mom has a new boyfriend, and he's around a lot more than you. When they are having a hard time in school, they ask the boyfriend for help, because you're not around. When they need help bringing that heavy project to school, you're not the one doing it.

Soon you only start seeing the kids on holidays. Then they grow up, go to university. You see them graduate, and wish you could have been part of their lives.

...but at least you have your awesome job.

If this is what the courts use to decide if one is a capable father, without looking at all the historical facts, then, I may be doomed indeed.
You take month long trips, that alone means that you cannot be the primary parent.

This is not a joke.
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