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  • Need to Vent

    After waiting a month, I received my fate from an interim motion. So many mistakes in the order, but the most blatant being that her side did not play by ANY of the rules. First and foremost, they never submitted a financial statement prior to the hearing. Secondly, they did not disclose any details of what they were told to at a previous conference. Oh yeah, and she was caught in court lying on her affidavit.

    In the end, the judge fell for the male-bashing on the day of court, and made a decision in spite of the rules before him. Bottom line is that after I pay my mortgage and CS and SS, I have $200 left over each month. And I pay for all medical and dental for the 2 kids; daughter's braces alone are $250 a month, so before I eat I am $50 in the red each month. Add home insurance, car insurance, gas...oh yeah, and food, and I am sinking fast. She now makes more than me and I work full time and she does not.

    My lawyer said he has never seen anything like it in 20 years - heard of it, but never seen it personally. He offered to do the appeal for half price, so that alone gives you an idea of how absurd this decision is if it can move a lawyer to reduce his rates in half. Even at that price, I would need a radical reversal for it to be worthwhile. And really, what judge(s) are going to go against a member of their club? Not going to roll those dice again. Ever.

    So thank you judge, for ignoring all the rules that are supposed to make the process fair for BOTH parties.

  • #2
    Can you provide more details on what exactly you were trying to do?

    Can you also provide a little history for us?

    I have an interim motion coming up on May 8th.

    Thanks

    Comment


    • #3
      In short, she quit working a full time job to go back to school to become a teacher. As a teacher, she would be lucky (very lucky) to even get a full time position, and if she did it would be for the same or less than what she was making. We were asking that her income be imputed to pre-quit level.

      And let me make this clear...I have paid CS from day 1 of separation, with no agreement of any kind in place. I paid SS for 2 years, and only stopped it after her refusal to even discuss finalizing everything. I sent 2 offers to settle (for 3.5 lump sum SS) and not even a reply. So how do you negotiate with yourself??

      We asked for disclosure on class schedules, hours, etc...nothing. Asked for proof of income before quitting and after...nothing. How could I even make another offer with no information? After all the bs of 3 years, we were supposed to take her word for everything?
      We received some minimal info 3 days before... minimum is 5...so there was no chance to reply to any of it. So they were accepted as uncontested.

      Oddly enough, before it started my lawyer said he wished he had the other judge who was a "true" family law judge. IE) someone who knows and plays by the rules. This was an old fart who obviously felt bad for her after hearing all her story-telling. And he had 14 cases on his docket that day. Pretty clear that it was too much for him since it took a month to reply, and clear he did not review any materials in the decision.
      So if you get him, good luck!! See you at the food bank!

      Comment


      • #4
        Separation date?
        Number of kids?
        Custody/Access?
        Was she a stay at home mom?
        What was asked for in the motion? Just Spousal Support?
        What else has been settled?
        What court were you at?

        You claim she makes more than you. It appears the judge thought otherwise. What evidence did you provide the court to prove she makes more than you? What evidence did she provide to show she made less.

        If you enter your information in "My Support Calculator" what numbers do you get? MySupportCalculator.ca

        Thanks

        Comment


        • #5
          If it is an outrageous order, and doesn't follow the rules, you have to appeal it.
          It won't be until people start standing up to these kinds of orders that things will change.
          If he is not a family lawyer and rules were not followed then the motion was not dealt with in a fair and just way.
          prime directive, Rule 2 of the family law rules.
          If you win at the appeal your costs will be paid for by the other side.

          If it was on a motion you only have 7 days to file a notice of appeal.
          If it is a final order or order on trial then you have 30 days.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by iceberg View Post
            The OP is not asking for advice. He is just ranting.
            Agreed, but his experience if he's willing to share might help others.

            Comment


            • #7
              As a delay tactic in considering an appeal to the motion you might be able to consider serving other side with form 25E: Notice disputing approval of order.

              Just a thought

              Comment


              • #8
                FB, Oink

                Yes, it is not about the kids at all. Unlike my STBX I choose to not involve the kids in this process. She on the other hand, attempts to turn them against me through things I won't discuss here.

                Iceberg, yeah it was about blowing off steam for sure.

                Point of my post was to make people realize that even though there are hard and fast rules, they do not always need to be followed if the judge deems it so. Yeah, I could appeal at a potential cost of ~$5k out of pocket. Not worth it, either financially or emotionally. I want an end to it so I can move on with my life.

                To address other background info:

                Separated 3 years

                I moved in with my girlfriend this past fall. No, she was no the reason for separation. Quite the contrary,as the STBX was having an online affair for 3 years prior to separation.

                2 kids - teenage girl and preteen boy

                Have 50/50 custody

                Again, I point out that I was VOLUNTARILY paying support for 2 years. All that was left to negotiate was an end date to spousal. When she didn't want this, I had no choice but to stop spousal to grease the wheels and get things moving. Still glad I did it; at least the interim said SS only goes until August when she is expected to start working. Funny thing is she is done school in April. 3 months off is not a bad deal. I wish I could get 3 months vacation...

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by puffD View Post
                  Funny thing is she is done school in April. 3 months off is not a bad deal. I wish I could get 3 months vacation...
                  Yes, but she is a teacher if I have the right thread. As such she won't likely be starting her new job til september.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Oink, I totally agree. Its more about the fact that rules were not followed that should have been. Yeah, the amount sucks but it is until September. Of course, if she wants she can (...and will) take it back up.

                    I was actually ok with paying SS, which I reiterate that I did for 2 years under no obligation. What I had a problem with was her saying that it would be open ended, and "we'll do it for a bit and see how it goes'. Utter nonsense. Time to put you big girl undies on and start looking after yourself, imho.

                    Involveddad75, she is not a teacher. She wants to be. According to the teacher's union own web site it is about a 1% chance she will get a job. So in April when she does not have an offer - and believe me I am praying to God she does so equalization will come down - why does she get to take the summer off and live off of my pay check that I earn for 40 hours a week?

                    I am pretty sure if I quit my job to go to school, so I could on a long shot get a job earning the same money, they would hang me up by my hoohoo dillies. But that is a different discussion, I suppose.

                    Time will tell if anyone (ie)a judge, ever looks at this with rational eyes and asks wtf. But until that time the prayer continues that she will start working. Somewhere. Doing something.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by puffD View Post
                      Oink, I totally agree. Its more about the fact that rules were not followed that should have been. Yeah, the amount sucks but it is until September. Of course, if she wants she can (...and will) take it back up.

                      I was actually ok with paying SS, which I reiterate that I did for 2 years under no obligation. What I had a problem with was her saying that it would be open ended, and "we'll do it for a bit and see how it goes'. Utter nonsense. Time to put you big girl undies on and start looking after yourself, imho.

                      Involveddad75, she is not a teacher. She wants to be. According to the teacher's union own web site it is about a 1% chance she will get a job. So in April when she does not have an offer - and believe me I am praying to God she does so equalization will come down - why does she get to take the summer off and live off of my pay check that I earn for 40 hours a week?

                      I am pretty sure if I quit my job to go to school, so I could on a long shot get a job earning the same money, they would hang me up by my hoohoo dillies. But that is a different discussion, I suppose.

                      Time will tell if anyone (ie)a judge, ever looks at this with rational eyes and asks wtf. But until that time the prayer continues that she will start working. Somewhere. Doing something.
                      Why would equalization come down if she gets a job?

                      Equalization should be based on DOS?

                      You said she quit her job. Did she work your whole marriage or did she stay home with the kids?

                      So can she revisit spousal support if she doesn't get a job in September, because if she can and doesn't get a job she will want spousal until the next September...and the next....and the next.

                      My ex will be asking for spousal at our May motion although I have not yet received her paperwork. She worked our entire marriage except for the 2 Mat leaves. I also took 6 weeks off with our second child.

                      Are you currently paying table child support or set-off based on your 50/50?


                      Not following the rules would piss me off too.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        She has a right to quit her job and go to school. That is nobody's business but hers.

                        What she doesn't have a right to, is to expect you to pay for it. So yes, she should be imputed an income.

                        But you were voluntarily paying SS to someone whom you say was originally earning more than yourself? I'm not sure how that works....

                        You lost an interim motion, meaning that you are continuing to trial and will have a proper family court judge looking at material that will be fully cross-examined. The question is, would an appeal of an interim motion, even at half-price, be worth it if you are going forward to trial soon anyway?

                        I love your attitude that you won't go to appeal because no judge would ever go against one of their own. This, of course, is why no appeal has ever been successful in Canada.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Yes they have.

                          Comment

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