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Old 10-15-2019, 10:45 AM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: Hamilton
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Default So she said it....

I was driving my D14 home yesterday and during the ride her mother and her got into a spat (texting back and forth). My D14 just had a great weekend with me and my family for thanksgiving and was having fun with the neighbourhood kids and made a bunch of new friends. But then her mom was getting on her about a nothing issue and it put her mood in the toilet.

My D14 then asked if she chose to live with me, would I move to her town. I was dumbfounded. I never thought I would hear that from her. Mom has always been her number 1, the preferred parent. My ex has done a bit of work trying to alienate me, but I am doing a good job in undermining her efforts in that regard. My ex doesn't know that I have the password to D14's phone, and I review the text history to see what is said and then passively fix the issue and communicate with D14 so she is comfortable.

We discussed it, and I said I couldn't move to her town. It would put me commuting 2+ hours each way, and my wife commuting 1+ hour as D14's town is the opposite direction of work. I explained that she would have to change schools and there would be a lot of life changes. That if she was really serious, I would do everything I could to make it happen, but that she had to be aware of realities and repercussions of that decision. She seemed to understand, and that having already made new friends at my place would likely take some of the sting off moving.

Anyway, I was shocked. D14 went on about how they always fight, that the ex is never happy. The ex puts her own issues on the kid, like going on how she will always be single, that she will be old and alone, or puts her financial struggles on the kid. I explain that the ex's problems are her own, that D14 isn't the problem and reassure her in general. And just otherwise be an ear for D14 to express her feelings without judgement. D14 has said it is easier to talk to me than the ex, because I don't judge. I feel like I am regularly building her back up after the ex beats her down. The kid really enjoys coming to my place because it is low stress. Frig, I spilled my drink at dinner as I was helping open a bottle for the kid. I got up and cleaned it, no fuss. D mentioned that it was nice to see someone not freak out over a spill/accident.

I am not shrink, and have no education in the matter, and Tayken will likely give me the gears for doing this, but the ex (to me) is a typical narcissist. Nothing they do is wrong, nothing you do is right. She makes you feel bad for her mistakes in life, while taking no blame for herself. Then, she tries to buy your affection and gives you those few days of good times in the middle of all the bad, that you yearn for the good times. I know what it is like, as I lived it. It took me a long time to realize how I was supposed to be treated after being with her. The passive aggressive anger is palpable most days. And she is the most 2 faced person I know, cutting down everyone around her to justify or empower her own sense of superiority.

But yeah, the kid said it. I am not holding my breathe that anything will come of it. My kid is attached to her mom, albeit in an unhealthy way because of how the ex is. The kid is resilient and sees how things are different in the households, but that is still her mom. Personally, I don't know how seriously to take it, as it was a 1 time thing in the midst of an argument. Should it become even marginally apparent that this is her actual wants, I will do everything in my power to make it happen.

But yeah, it was a shock.

Last edited by HammerDad; 10-15-2019 at 10:59 AM.
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