Originally posted by billiechic
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CP Demands That NCP Pay Extra To See Child On Court-Ordered Days - Any Advice?
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Originally posted by #1StepMom View PostBilliechic.... just ignore the problem. Don't respond, don't communicate, don't get dragged into it. End it now, and call it a day. Save yourself your sanity. No need to explain yourself or defend yourself. We can all read all the posts.
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There really isn't much to update.
My husband sent my stepson's mom a very brief and to-the-point email the other day letting her know that he consulted with a lawyer who confirmed that daycare is a shared total expense, and that he will not be tolerating any further extortion tactics from her. He wrote exactly what the court order states with regard to holiday access, travel consent, and daycare fees, and told her that he is abiding by the order, and that he expects her to do the same.
She called and left a voicemail while we were out today saying that she will not tolerate his intimidation tactics, about how he talked to a lawyer, and how he expects her to abide by the court order, yadda yadda yadda. She didn't address the issue in any way other than "I will only discuss it if you stop being aggressive and intimidating." My husband was in no way aggressive or intimitating. He was very factual in his email, and to the point. Perhaps a little blunt, but having told her the same in more flowery language before hasn't worked, so he tried bluntly stating the facts as they are. So now she's calling him hostile and aggressive.
He responded to her voicemail in an email restating the facts in a more sugar-coated way and letting her know that if she has issues with how daycare costs are shared in the court order, she needs to take the appropriate action and file a motion to change with the court, and not use extortion tactics to get her way.
He also asked that she provide written confirmation with regards to whether or not she will follow their agreed-upon schedule and whether or not she'll provide the travel consent, as per the court order.
If she doesn't intend to follow the schedule and provide the consent, he asked that she notify him in writing of her reasons.
He made it clear that he will not be discussing this issue without proper legal documentation (i.e. her filing the necessary motion to revisit the sharing of daycare costs, and him responding to the motion) as he is in no way in disagreement with the court order; only she is.
He set a deadline for her to respond in writing (this coming Tuesday) so hopefully we'll get some sort of answer from her by then.
If not, he added in his email that if he doesn't receive a written response, he will assume that she will be following the holiday schedule and providing the travel consent.
So now, we wait to see if she responds in writing... because her last few voicemails have provided us with zero information as to her intentions.
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Oooh... she doesn't like that your husband has dug his heels in. Her old tactics aren't working this Christmas, like they did in previous years. You are giving her an education this holiday season, I hope for your sake she learns her lesson this time! LOL
She is already wavering from her tough stance. I had a feeling she was all bluff about this. She is just trying to control him.
Good for him for laying the facts on the line. She is getting defensive because she had no legitimate reason for denying access and she knows it.
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Thank you so much for your support during this stressful time.
Believe it or not, we received a written reply!
She has proposed the following:
We pay her the 100% of the daycare fees associated with our vacation, and she will follow the agreed-upon schedule and provide travel consent. She will bring a motion to change the daycare provision, to be heard at our February conference. If she fails in her motion and the judge rules that her interpretation of the court-ordered daycare provision is incorrect, she will reimburse us 50% of the daycare fees we paid her to exercise our Christmas holiday access.
What do you think?
Should we accept the offer?
I'm thinking perhaps we should beat her at her own game by accepting her offer and filing a notice of contempt motion against her ASAP in the New Year. (Or would you suggest we wait her to file the motion to change the court-ordered daycare provision, as she claims she intends to do?)
Any thoughts? Please help. Ideas, suggestions, anything!
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You might not like this... How is that different from what she threatened in the first place. She told you you would have to pay all the daycare costs, or she would not sign the letter. Now she has just worded it nicely and promised you she would file a motion. Do you really think she will follow through
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We really don't know what to do. We just want it to be over.
We figured that if we agree to her offer, we file a motion for contempt of the order and add her emails as proof that she has extorted money from us at Christmastime, and that the ONLY reason we agreed was to be able to spend the holidays with the child and provide him with a great opportunity.
Even given her extortion tactics and ultimatums, we kept the best interest of the child a priority. (That should count for something, right?)
Whether she follows through on her promise to file the motion is really irrelevant, as we'll file our own motion against her for extorting money from us in order for her abide by the court order.
So whether she files a motion to change the daycare provision of the order, or we file a motion of contempt against her, the issue WILL be heard in court.
All we want is to have a happy holiday. We want to be able to go away on our trip. We want the child to enjoy the holidays and to spend some time in the sun, relaxing. He definitely needs a break, especially when his mom has him in school or daycare 7AM-6PM every day that he is in her care. He has been sick 4 times, 3 times on antibiotics, since the summer, and my husband and I really feel he could use a trip away from it all to recouperate and strengthen his immune system.
Do you think it would hurt us in court to agree, if we let the judge know we felt we had no other options and wanted to act in the best interest of the child?
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Or... new idea...
Tell her that we will not pay 100% of the costs, but that if she files a motion and the judge rules she is correct, we'll reimburse her 50% of the daycare costs incurred during our Christmas vacation.
How does that sound?
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Well, my husband decided to go with the new idea and sent her an email saying that he will not agreee to her offer for him to pay full costs prior to a new court ruling, but that he will provide his proportionate share, and upon a new court-ordered provision, will provide any new court-ordered amount.
Do you think this was the correct route to take?
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I think so. You`ve let her know that you are sticking to the court orders and will not give in to her blackmail tactics. I can`t see why any judge would xpect you to PAY to have the child. especially since she is denying you the letter that she is to provide for no reason.
It is not going to solve the problems any easier, giving her the money would solve the problem for now, but it would give her the upperhand and she will continue doing this.
In the interests of the child you HAVE to stand up to her. A good mother would let her child spend time with his father REGARDLESS of if he was paying or not. AND YOU ARE! She has no leg to stand on, because it is NOT in the child`s best interests for her to deny you permission. Especially since denying you the letter would deprive the whole family from being together for some well desreved bonding time. Remember that!
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