I don't know where to post this- but it's something I am struggling with.
How do you set and enforce boundaries with your ex? What if your ex doesn't comply with what's written in the Agreement?
We have an interim access agreement that outlines exchanges with D2.
Agreement- sister facilitates picks up at mom's parents' house. mom picks up from lobby of dad's condo.
Reality- sometimes I drop her off to her dad's condo. I usually drive around to the front doors and take her into the lobby to meet dad + his sister. (because of broken ankle debacle- I'm doing the driving for the next two months).
The very first day I did this- when I drove up to the front of the condo- he came out to my car- and opened the door and started unbuckling her from the carseat. It totally threw me off. It's a personal space issue. Yes, I've been in the same space as him- but I try to just keep my personal distance. Him coming up to my car threw me off. Didn't want to make a big deal about it at the time- so I said nothing. But later that day wrote an OFW message asking that he not come up to my car- and just wait in the lobby for her. My exact wording was this:
Hi Ex,
When I dropped D2 off today for her visit you came up to my car and opened the door to unbuckle her from her car seat. Please do not do that again. It feels uncomfortable for me. I will bring her into the lobby.
Thanks for understanding.
Iona.
He replied- "Sure thing. I'll meet you in the lobby"
I thought that was the end of that. But he's done it twice since then.
Yesterday- was even weirder. I was unbuckling her and then I feel someone behind me- brushing up against me- and he's leaning over my shoulder to talk to D2. That was just WAY too close for comfort. Again I wrote him a message saying "I've asked you before- please do not come to my car. If you cannot respect that- I'll ask that your sister just meet me in the lobby". He wrote back that he's just excited to see her- and "let's discuss with Dr.Co-Parent-Counselor. I want to understand the reason for your discomfort".
This is not just an 'excited to see her' thing- I'm 75% sure it's an exercise in just trying to make me uncomfortable.
How hard do I push back on this? Just let it go?
I need to start setting some boundaries. Clearly this is going to be for the next 18+ years of dealing with him. Boundaries are good. How do I set them and enforce them?
How do you set and enforce boundaries with your ex? What if your ex doesn't comply with what's written in the Agreement?
We have an interim access agreement that outlines exchanges with D2.
Agreement- sister facilitates picks up at mom's parents' house. mom picks up from lobby of dad's condo.
Reality- sometimes I drop her off to her dad's condo. I usually drive around to the front doors and take her into the lobby to meet dad + his sister. (because of broken ankle debacle- I'm doing the driving for the next two months).
The very first day I did this- when I drove up to the front of the condo- he came out to my car- and opened the door and started unbuckling her from the carseat. It totally threw me off. It's a personal space issue. Yes, I've been in the same space as him- but I try to just keep my personal distance. Him coming up to my car threw me off. Didn't want to make a big deal about it at the time- so I said nothing. But later that day wrote an OFW message asking that he not come up to my car- and just wait in the lobby for her. My exact wording was this:
Hi Ex,
When I dropped D2 off today for her visit you came up to my car and opened the door to unbuckle her from her car seat. Please do not do that again. It feels uncomfortable for me. I will bring her into the lobby.
Thanks for understanding.
Iona.
He replied- "Sure thing. I'll meet you in the lobby"
I thought that was the end of that. But he's done it twice since then.
Yesterday- was even weirder. I was unbuckling her and then I feel someone behind me- brushing up against me- and he's leaning over my shoulder to talk to D2. That was just WAY too close for comfort. Again I wrote him a message saying "I've asked you before- please do not come to my car. If you cannot respect that- I'll ask that your sister just meet me in the lobby". He wrote back that he's just excited to see her- and "let's discuss with Dr.Co-Parent-Counselor. I want to understand the reason for your discomfort".
This is not just an 'excited to see her' thing- I'm 75% sure it's an exercise in just trying to make me uncomfortable.
How hard do I push back on this? Just let it go?
I need to start setting some boundaries. Clearly this is going to be for the next 18+ years of dealing with him. Boundaries are good. How do I set them and enforce them?
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