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Old 11-15-2016, 07:04 PM
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Rioe Rioe is offline
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Originally Posted by florio View Post
My grown up daughters didn't talk to me for the past few years, and I went to a family therapist. With no info on the situation whatsoever, he insisted from start to see me first, then the girls, and keep everything we discuss confidential from each other. Which doesn't make sense to me, as long as I was hopping for the opposite: to find as much as possible about the reasons why we had this huge communication problem. I told him I have nothing to hide from my girls.

The only reason I can see here - which is also very offending to me, not just as victim, but as the idiot who pays the bills - is the suspicion of a sexual or physical violence abuser. Are there really so many fathers who abuse their daughters, to start your counselling sessions with this horrific approach?

If it's not this, than what? My therapist was not able to say anything when I asked him how could we measure the progress in this therapy after let's say three paid sessions.
I'm going to reply anyway, because in my experience, people who vocally flounce off in a huff usually come back to lurk, at minimum. It may also help someone else new to the forum in the future.

It's quite standard for counselling that involves more than one person to have individual sessions with the psychologist before gathering them all together. This lets each person have solo time with the counsellor to share their history and perspective on the issues to be addressed, without being interrupted or judged. There are no accusations on the part of the counsellor, it is merely independent information gathering.

For example, the counsellor is going to ask you "what brings you here" "what do you hope to address" and "what do you think caused the situation" sort of questions. And then ask each of your children similar questions, to get each perspective. The counsellor may form an idea of the truth lying somewhere between each opinion, but won't say that. Instead the counsellor will later encourage the participants to reach conclusions on their own. The counsellor is forming opinions of each person's personality style, and designing future counselling sessions to account for those personalities. The counsellor may also be making mental notes on books to recommend to each participant.

Anything discussed with a counsellor is confidential. In future joint sessions, the counsellor is still not going to discuss what happened in the private sessions, but only use it to maybe direct focus later. It's up to the individual to decide if they want to repeat anything later in front of the other people.
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