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Old 09-20-2017, 10:23 AM
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Rioe Rioe is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,332
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I think it would be fine to say something like "at my house, daughter will have her own room and bed, but if she needs reassurance at night, she's going to receive it." That sets out the intention not to cosleep, but leaves it nice and vague otherwise.

Honestly though, the ability to self-soothe is a very important thing to learn as a child. I think someone teaching it to her is a critical thing, and frankly, if the mother doesn't want you cosleeping with the daughter, it should be HER responsibility to teach it. You ARE going to have the child for overnights because you are her father. If the mother is so concerned about you accidentally groping your daughter in the night, then she should WANT to teach the child to sleep in her own bed by herself.

It sounds like it's going to be up to you though. Your ex is engineering the situation to try to justify not letting you have overnights, with this lengthy nursing and cosleeping and now bringing up sleep groping.

A three-year old is perfectly capable of understanding that things are different at dad's house, that she obviously can't nurse to sleep there. Slowly teach her to fall asleep on her own like a big girl. Pretty, animated nightlights, her favourite character sheet, a special stuffy or blanket, soft background music, whatever helps her. It will take lots of patience and gentleness on your part, but you can do it.

Pretty soon you'll have a child going back to her mother's house boasting about how "I slept in my own bed like a big girl!" and your ex frantically trying to come up with a new excuse about how you aren't comforting her properly.
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