TEC,
Not so good today being valentines and all but I do appreciate your thoughts.
I too am doing things for myself - ironically things I was previously doing for her and us more than myself. I started running on the treadmill some months ago to try to keep up with my spouse who had recently gotten into the sport. And I started going to the gym again. I used to go to the gym several times a week before we got together but she seemed to want me at home all the time so I let it go then when she started going and I wasn't ready we were "drifting apart" and even more ironic is that I was working on getting in shape again, but was some months behind her, so that I could feel comfortable going to the gym with her, again something she recently got into.
I'm not sure how much stock to put in your wife blaming you for the failing marriage - my spouse has gone there too but I think she is just trying to justify her own screwed up decisions. Her tales of woe are just too one-sided and she refuses to even acknowledge the good times we've had. Not that there weren't issues in the relationships and not that there aren't things you and I can and should work on ourselves. But you (and I) really shouldn't shoulder all the blame - you are not the one that chose to have an affair. If you are anything like me you probably didn't realize that your spouse was in need of something more from the relationship or at best had some vague feeling that things weren't quite right but no idea how far it had gone. I'm sure had you realized where things were your approach to remedy things would not have been to run out and start an affair.
If it didn't hurt so much I would probably find it funny just how similar your wife's comments are to my spouse's. Not only that but how completely stereotypical they are:
http://www.shirleyglass.com/introduction.htm
http://www.shirleyglass.com/afterword.htm
(I didn't buy this book but found it eerie how similar the description in the introduction was.)
Personally I think they are living in some kind a dream world and haven't thought through any of the things you and I see as considerations (and don't want to have any part of.) And I'm afraid that until they each sever all contact with the other guy they won't be able to think straight.
Hope you survive another day mostly intact...
Piped_In
Not so good today being valentines and all but I do appreciate your thoughts.
I too am doing things for myself - ironically things I was previously doing for her and us more than myself. I started running on the treadmill some months ago to try to keep up with my spouse who had recently gotten into the sport. And I started going to the gym again. I used to go to the gym several times a week before we got together but she seemed to want me at home all the time so I let it go then when she started going and I wasn't ready we were "drifting apart" and even more ironic is that I was working on getting in shape again, but was some months behind her, so that I could feel comfortable going to the gym with her, again something she recently got into.
I'm not sure how much stock to put in your wife blaming you for the failing marriage - my spouse has gone there too but I think she is just trying to justify her own screwed up decisions. Her tales of woe are just too one-sided and she refuses to even acknowledge the good times we've had. Not that there weren't issues in the relationships and not that there aren't things you and I can and should work on ourselves. But you (and I) really shouldn't shoulder all the blame - you are not the one that chose to have an affair. If you are anything like me you probably didn't realize that your spouse was in need of something more from the relationship or at best had some vague feeling that things weren't quite right but no idea how far it had gone. I'm sure had you realized where things were your approach to remedy things would not have been to run out and start an affair.
If it didn't hurt so much I would probably find it funny just how similar your wife's comments are to my spouse's. Not only that but how completely stereotypical they are:
http://www.shirleyglass.com/introduction.htm
http://www.shirleyglass.com/afterword.htm
(I didn't buy this book but found it eerie how similar the description in the introduction was.)
Personally I think they are living in some kind a dream world and haven't thought through any of the things you and I see as considerations (and don't want to have any part of.) And I'm afraid that until they each sever all contact with the other guy they won't be able to think straight.
Hope you survive another day mostly intact...
Piped_In
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