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  • Step parent rights

    Question: does a step parent have a right to attend a medical appointment for their step child? What if the person is the girlfriend or boyfriend of the biological parent and not actually a step parent? Can a biological parent request that the step parents are either allowed or not allowed to be there?


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  • #2
    probably comes down to an access time thing?
    If the step-parent is driving the kid to the medical appointment then it makes sense that they attend.

    Perhaps the child could ask the doctor/medical professional to ask the step-parent wait in waiting room? I supposed it depends on the age of the child.

    I'm speculating here...

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    • #3
      make appointments when the bio parent can take the child. No sense in creating conflict when there doesnt need to be.

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      • #4
        Step parent rights

        Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
        make appointments when the bio parent can take the child. No sense in creating conflict when there doesnt need to be.


        Bioparent 1 informed Bioparent 2 that there was a medical appointment made. Bioparent 2 then wrote back to say they would be in attendance. Bioparent 1 then responded to say that bioparent 2 “was not needed” as Bioparent 1 AND their significant other would handle it and the appointment was not made on bioparent 2’s access time. If Bioparent 2 does attend, undoubtedly they will not be turned away by the doctor no matter what bioparent 1 says, but can bioparent 1 in this case insist that their partner be there too? Or can bioparent 2 insist that only the bios should be there?




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        Last edited by Ange71727; 04-21-2018, 07:33 PM.

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        • #5
          Interesting question, I know at my kids family Dr. I have requested that my Mom (Grandma) be allowed to attend Dr's appointments for the kids. Just makes it easier for appointments for some back up so I dont have to take the time off work.

          I dont see what difference a Grandma is to a Step-Parent in making the request. Our Family Dr is fine with Grandma bringing in the kids without a parent.

          My Mom has also brought our children to walk in clinics for medical care, no questions asked by Medical Staff where the parents where.

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          • #6
            IÂ’m going to say it depends on what custody is my wife has sole of both children and IÂ’ve been going to meetings/doctors/sports From the the time time I meet the kids going on nine years now, one is special needs I have been to every appointment since the beginning, bio dad attended only big meetings (4 or more agencies were involved) made promises never followed the recommendations, said everything was good only had the kids 24 hours eow, didnÂ’t want more, it was offered.

            Back to meetings/ appointments, if living together with children I would always wait till the bio parents were done asking questions then ask some for my own knowledge, I was always allowed in the meetings as I was in the childrenÂ’s lives day to day everyday living, and IÂ’m also the one the children will talk to in crazy time or explosive events(at one point 8 different a, I was also the one recommended to talk to bio dad, as he listened to me, that was till he got served with adjusting Cs papers, now he has not been at any meetings in 1.5 years as he does not like us.

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            • #7
              To be honest, I would probably have internal conniptions if my ex's girlfriend showed up to the kids' medical appointments. She has no medical decision-making authority for them, and the kids don't want her knowing about these things.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Ange71727 View Post
                Bioparent 1 informed Bioparent 2 that there was a medical appointment made. Bioparent 2 then wrote back to say they would be in attendance. Bioparent 1 then responded to say that bioparent 2 “was not needed” as Bioparent 1 AND their significant other would handle it and the appointment was not made on bioparent 2’s access time. If Bioparent 2 does attend, undoubtedly they will not be turned away by the doctor no matter what bioparent 1 says, but can bioparent 1 in this case insist that their partner be there too? Or can bioparent 2 insist that only the bios should be there?

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                I can see how the above could create conflict between the parents - particularly given the language above from Bio1 - "not needed"?

                Most times there could be much less conflict, if the language from both sides was chosen a little more carefully.

                Frankly, I likely wouldn't have been keen on my Bio2 (ex) new partner showing up at medical appointments, but I certainly wouldn't have barred her. My preference would be the 2 bio parents, with skin in the game.

                That said, I am not a stepparent (thank cheesus!), but my current partner has, of course, helped me parent the kidlet for the last 20 years. He is as much invested in the kidlet's wellbeing as I, and my ex, are. Hats off to stepparents.

                btw Ange - no, I personally don't think girlfriends/boyfriends are 'stepparents'.

                eta: My current partner would not attend an appointment if he felt the other Bio didn't want him there - he recognizes there are 2 primary, and always gave my ex his space as a parent.
                Last edited by mcdreamy; 04-22-2018, 04:51 PM.
                Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by mcdreamy View Post
                  I can see how the above could create conflict between the parents - particularly given the language above from Bio1 - "not needed"?



                  Most times there could be much less conflict, if the language from both sides was chosen a little more carefully.



                  Frankly, I likely wouldn't have been keen on my Bio2 (ex) new partner showing up at medical appointments, but I certainly wouldn't have barred her. My preference would be the 2 bio parents, with skin in the game.



                  That said, I am not a stepparent (thank cheesus!), but my current partner has, of course, helped me parent the kidlet for the last 20 years. He is as much invested in the kidlet's wellbeing as I, and my ex, are. Hats off to stepparents.



                  btw Ange - no, I personally don't think girlfriends/boyfriends are 'stepparents'.



                  eta: My current partner would not attend an appointment if he felt the other Bio didn't want him there - he recognizes there are 2 primary, and always gave my ex his space as a parent.


                  I won’t bar her either because I’m not the type to cause a scene. Plus it would be potentially uncomfortable for the kids who don’t have anything against her and want to please everyone. I know the ex is just trying to get a rise out of me. Although we’ve never actually spoken before, his girlfriend hates me and is constantly trying to one-up me or put down/discount things I have said to the kids. Hopefully she will stay in her lane at the appointment. I’m certainly not looking forward to her being there.
                  On the flip side, my husband, a bonafide stepparent, is not attending because he can recognize that my ex would never want him there. He’s extremely involved in many other areas of the kids’ lives and doesn’t need to step on toes to assert his parental-ness.



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                  • #10
                    Ange, your ex has shown his intention to be difficult. Hes only doing this to be a dick. If his gf shows up, you can have the doc say only parents in the room. Why a gf is needed is beyond me but most of what your ex does is simply to make you nuts. Dont give him the benefit.

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                    • #11
                      If your daughter is uncomfortable with the "conference" of people attending her very personal medical appointment I would simply call the clinic and give them a "heads up" - this will hopefully be handled professionally and non-parents told to be seated in waiting room.

                      Or you can even call the clinic and ask them for their input as most clinics have to deal with difficult situations and typically have a policy, or will consult with clinic manager, for guidance.

                      I agree with other posters though, don't give your ex (or his skank) pleasure of knowing you are upset.

                      What does your daughter want? How old is the child?

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                      • #12
                        If this involves a mental health issues (and I have no idea) sometimes its best if all care givers are present to help the child.

                        Apparently my ex's girlfriend can cure Autism through Art Therapy, and has been vigilantly trying, with no medical advice. So in my situation, I would welcome her to get some medical advice from the Dr's that are involved in our Sons care instead of Internet advice.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                          If this involves a mental health issues (and I have no idea) sometimes its best if all care givers are present to help the child.



                          Apparently my ex's girlfriend can cure Autism through Art Therapy, and has been vigilantly trying, with no medical advice. So in my situation, I would welcome her to get some medical advice from the Dr's that are involved in our Sons care instead of Internet advice.


                          This is just a routine check up. She is a healthy ten year old girl with no medical issues. She was sick last weekend, took antibiotics, recovered. There is no reason for the girlfriend to be there. If everyone got along it would likely not be an issue but they have ulterior motives for everything and I don’t want it to be uncomfortable for the kids if we start disagreeing about things.
                          I may take Arabian’s advice and pre-warn the clinic so that it can just be myself and her dad.


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                          • #14
                            I believe step parents are wonderful and can indeed be the glue that keeps families together. However, it can certainly be the total opposite.

                            My son traveled a long distance to visit his father for a few days last year on a big birthday. My son is an adult and understand's the ex's g/f (she stalked him for several years to find out where we lived). Do you think the g/f would give my son and his father any time alone? Not a chance. I asked my son why he didn't say anything and he said it was dad's bday weekend and he didn't want to create an issue. So when then went out for dinner the g/f tagged along. Son was happy he had opted to stay at a hotel.

                            Some people just don't get it.

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                            • #15
                              I don’t consider myself a step parent. I am the partner of a parent. I would never go to an appointment like that and I cannot fathom why anyone would. I have gone to other events simply for support for my partner and I expect to go to weddings since I am technically his wife by that point. I care about his kids but also know my place.

                              You can’t fix crazy though!

                              Comment

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