So it has been awhile since I posted, quick scenario, child lives in Ontario with mother, we now live in NS. Child comes to visit over Xmas, March break every second year and a month in the summer.
Problem, my step-son says he doesn't want to come this year for March break, he says travel is to much, it does take him by car and plane 3-4 hours each day of travel, 2 days total, so 6-8 hours in all. He does not seem to want to come at all, he is 14, but what do you do?
This is the response my husband gets from his ex:
"I just got off the phone with (son14). He is stressed out and upset. He doesn't want to go down March break and he said he tried to tell you and your wife but you didn't listen. I told him to talk to you and he is afraid to. So I am letting you know. If he doesn't want to go i dont think we should force him ."
(my husband asks why he is stressed)
I don't know why he is stressed - maybe you should try to talk to him. I don't think that you were listening to him when he was talking to you - he doesn't want to go - it is a big thing to make him go somewhere for a week where he doesn't want to go and hate it rather then let him be where he wants to be and enjoy it. I agree that it is important for him to spend with your family - I just don't agree with forcing him to go if he doesn't want to go - he is not a little kid anymore - he has his own mind his own feelings and his own likes and dislikes - I think we need to respect what he wants and doesn't want."
So basically we get zero support from his ex when it comes to my husband and their son. There is no encouragement to maintain a connection from her. The funny thing is when we went through custody with her in court, son (at time 11) wasn't allowed to have his own mind and thoughts because he wanted to move with us.
So basically do we back off and let him do what he wants for March break and risk him hating his father or force him to come?
If he stays home he will literally sit alone in his room with his computer. His mom and step father will both be at work, here we can take him to do things that he enjoys.
We kind of feel like we just can't win here, she has most of the year to program him against his father, what do you do??
Problem, my step-son says he doesn't want to come this year for March break, he says travel is to much, it does take him by car and plane 3-4 hours each day of travel, 2 days total, so 6-8 hours in all. He does not seem to want to come at all, he is 14, but what do you do?
This is the response my husband gets from his ex:
"I just got off the phone with (son14). He is stressed out and upset. He doesn't want to go down March break and he said he tried to tell you and your wife but you didn't listen. I told him to talk to you and he is afraid to. So I am letting you know. If he doesn't want to go i dont think we should force him ."
(my husband asks why he is stressed)
I don't know why he is stressed - maybe you should try to talk to him. I don't think that you were listening to him when he was talking to you - he doesn't want to go - it is a big thing to make him go somewhere for a week where he doesn't want to go and hate it rather then let him be where he wants to be and enjoy it. I agree that it is important for him to spend with your family - I just don't agree with forcing him to go if he doesn't want to go - he is not a little kid anymore - he has his own mind his own feelings and his own likes and dislikes - I think we need to respect what he wants and doesn't want."
So basically we get zero support from his ex when it comes to my husband and their son. There is no encouragement to maintain a connection from her. The funny thing is when we went through custody with her in court, son (at time 11) wasn't allowed to have his own mind and thoughts because he wanted to move with us.
So basically do we back off and let him do what he wants for March break and risk him hating his father or force him to come?
If he stays home he will literally sit alone in his room with his computer. His mom and step father will both be at work, here we can take him to do things that he enjoys.
We kind of feel like we just can't win here, she has most of the year to program him against his father, what do you do??
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