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  • There does appear to be a lot of information missing. I’m curious as to whether or not the OP went to the police about the text or CAS as Arabian suggested. If she hasn’t yet taken those steps I would wonder why not? If she has it would be interesting to know the results.

    I also agree with Janus that judges can easily be fooled. In this situation that could apply to the girlfriend and deceased ex having alienated the OP while fooling the judge or the OP fooling the judge in some manner.

    The OP mentioned having anxiety issues I believe. I hope she is getting support through this challenging time. If the girlfriend’s texts are true it sounds like she needs counselling and has issues. As anonymous members on a divorce forum chat board we are naturally not privy to all the many relevant details of this unique family court situation. We can only go by the scant information given and use our collective personal experiences with family court to offer opinions and advice to the OP.

    To the OP. Thank you for having the courage to post about your unique situation. It does have many of us thinking and has stirred a lively debate. Please don’t take offence to any posters who disagree with you or challenge your position. If anything, opposing opinions or harsh criticism can be used to strengthen your position by giving you pause to think about how others may react. It’s a great opportunity to learn and reflect. Ask yourself if there is any merit to the criticism, if not ignore and move on. If there is some merit to the criticism then reflect on it and be glad you have an opportunity to fix things, adjust your behaviour, stance, etc. True power comes in knowing when something is or isn’t your fault, moving on when it isn’t and taking full responsibility when it is.

    Good luck and please keep us posted.

    Comment


    • Originally posted by Selfrepmom View Post
      She did mention in one post that it was a heart attack I believe. Which can be drug related
      lets not jump on the drug use bandwagon. There is no proof and I expect the OP would have jumped right on that in her first post.

      I worked with a guy who had a heart attack at 49. Non smoker, not overweight, active and non drug user. Turns out he had a undetected heart defect.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by cashcow4ex View Post
        Exactly. We aren’t being told the whole story...the real story.
        We’ve been told everything that's needed in order to have this forum rally behind her.

        There’s reasons that the father got sole custody. There’s reasons why she moved hours away from the kids. There’s reason why the judge awarded the step mom temp custody. Theres reason why no visitation schedule was introduced during the temp custody situation. There’s reasons why no agencies found any proof of alienation. There’s reasons why the kids broke all contact with her.
        We’re just not being told that part.

        It seems that the judges, CAS, the father, the step mom, and the children might have the missing info though.
        you hit the nail on the head. She isnt going to tell us stuff that makes her look bad, that is human nature.

        Comment


        • Originally posted by Mummaa222 View Post
          That totally depends on if a psychological evaluation is done and the outcome of that. If a psychologist says the dad's girlfriend has done nothing wrong and is perfectly sane and not a threat to my daughters, then yes, I would.

          I, honestly, would be very surprised if that happens though. All the signs point to her not being "okay".

          I'm not perfect, far from it, but I'm honest and have never in my life purposely hurt another human being no matter how much I dislike them. I'm an empath and I feel for everyone...try as I may, I'm incapable of hate. Except for this woman, I can and do hate her and for someone like me that's huge...and it's exhausting.
          so your daughters are NOT free to love who they want. You put conditions on it. You and the step mom clash, could be her fault, your fault or both.

          You say that you have never purposely hurt another human being but you are wanting to cut off all contact between the girls and their stepmom. Do you not thing that is going to hurt the girls and the stepmom?

          Please do not say you are incapable of hate. Your hate for the stepmom is shining through everytime you mention her. You are capable of hate and of hurting someone.

          You need to wrap your head around that the oldest may want to stay with the stable influence that has been in her life which seems like it has been a while. You said the stepmom made comments about your son when he was your daughters age. He is 25 i believe and your oldest is 14 so stepmom has been in the picture for 11 years or more.

          You want to believe that the stepmom is totally evil etc. She may not be. The kids may not want to see you due to stuff that happened in the past. Aim for try to co-parent the kids with the stepmom for now. As the kids get older and you prove that they can trust you to be there for them, they may gradually stop seeing the stepmom and it would be their choice. That would make it easier. Cutting off all contact with the stepmom when they want a relationship with her is not the way to go.

          Here is a question...if you do get custody do you expect CS from the stepmom?

          Comment


          • Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
            so your daughters are NOT free to love who they want. You put conditions on it. You and the step mom clash, could be her fault, your fault or both.



            You say that you have never purposely hurt another human being but you are wanting to cut off all contact between the girls and their stepmom. Do you not thing that is going to hurt the girls and the stepmom?



            Please do not say you are incapable of hate. Your hate for the stepmom is shining through everytime you mention her. You are capable of hate and of hurting someone.



            You need to wrap your head around that the oldest may want to stay with the stable influence that has been in her life which seems like it has been a while. You said the stepmom made comments about your son when he was your daughters age. He is 25 i believe and your oldest is 14 so stepmom has been in the picture for 11 years or more.



            You want to believe that the stepmom is totally evil etc. She may not be. The kids may not want to see you due to stuff that happened in the past. Aim for try to co-parent the kids with the stepmom for now. As the kids get older and you prove that they can trust you to be there for them, they may gradually stop seeing the stepmom and it would be their choice. That would make it easier. Cutting off all contact with the stepmom when they want a relationship with her is not the way to go.



            Here is a question...if you do get custody do you expect CS from the stepmom?


            Agreed... and seeing as the oldest is 14, if she is close to her step mom I’d totally expect to see this teenager leave her mother as soon as possible (next year or two?) and go back to the step mother... so maybe mom removes them from stepmoms life for a year or two but I’d bet mom ends up losing them in the future to step mom... it has to be about the girls and not the adults. There is a reason Dad got custody, there is a reason no professionals saw any coaching going on. I’d assume the OP saw her lawyer already but isn’t saying what the lawyer said about step mom getting custody


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            Comment


            • Original poster - this court proceeding is between you and your ex. The court has to decide who is the better parent. At that point in time, your ex was the better parent and got custody.

              He has passed away, and you should have immediately hired a lawyer and filed for an emergency motion for custody of your kids.

              You've decided to show up without a lawyer and talked too much at that court date. You should have not engaged into any discussion about anything and simply asked for an adjournment.

              Good news is, the order is temporary. Stop trying to rationalize with people who are clearly against you. It won't help you. Hire a lawyer immediately to set aside that illegal/unconsented order made by that so called judge and persue sole custody of your children.

              Time is of essence.

              Comment


              • Any updates? Did you speak with a lawyer?

                Comment


                • I'm not sure if anyone is still following this but I figured I should give an update.

                  Nothing has changed. I spoke with the only remaining lawyer in our small town and we clashed immediately (thinking it could have something to do with high school drama that he hasn't gotten over yet?) and he told me that he can't help me...which is just as well, because the info he did give me was not correct and I have a feeling I would have been worse off, if that's even possible right now.

                  I'm still having a pretty rough time dealing with the death of my ex. It has brought back a lot of unresolved feelings that I had blocked out. The fact that most people don't think that I should be or would be grieving has made it even more difficult because I've had to hide my grief from others instead of letting it out and my grief being acknowledged.

                  I am in counselling now to help deal with losing my daughters all over again and I guess losing their father all over again too, even though it's in a much different way than before. My PTSD symptoms had returned full force and I was beginning to shut myself off. Thankfully, I recognized what was beginning to happen and sought out help right away and can gain control over it.

                  We have assignment court on November 28th. I consented to an order for the OCL's involvement to represent my children. I had told his lawyer that I wanted to seek legal advice before consenting as I don't believe my children are expressing their own honest thoughts. She responded by saying if I didn't consent she would bring a motion and ask for costs against me...so I consented. I'm not happy about it, but I didn't need costs against me, or the judge to see me as evil either.

                  My next step is that I'm apparently supposed to make an "amendment to seek custody"...I cannot find the answer as to what I'm supposed to do about that or how to do it. I can't find the answer to how I submit my side before trial...which could be and most likely will be months from now.

                  It is ridiculous that there is no help available for self-represented litigants...or is there, and I'm just not looking in the right places?

                  ugh!! help?

                  Comment


                  • You can always consult with a lawyer and pay for unbundled services. For example you can pay for advice as to next steps and what forms to fill out then fill out the forms yourself.

                    Do you qualify for legal aide?

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                    • Can’t you find a lawyer outside the area? Being in a small town there will be conflict of interest. I don’t see this as a good case to go unrepresented


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                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by Stillbreathing View Post
                        You can always consult with a lawyer and pay for unbundled services. For example you can pay for advice as to next steps and what forms to fill out then fill out the forms yourself.

                        Do you qualify for legal aide?
                        I do qualify for legal aid but my hours were used up long ago and is the reason I had to go at it alone.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                          Can’t you find a lawyer outside the area? Being in a small town there will be conflict of interest. I don’t see this as a good case to go unrepresented


                          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                          The nearest lawyer would be minimum of a 2 hour drive away and would therefore cost much more. We literally live in the middle of nowhere.

                          Comment


                          • I understand that a lawyer is my best option and that may or may not happen but until then, we have assignment court on the 28th, and I have to send my completed intake form to the ocl by the 27th and I cannot state that I'm seeking custody until I have amended *whatever it is I need to amend* to seek custody.

                            Trust me, I know that this isn't something an unrepresented person can handle but right now I'm just trying to find out which form to fill out to amend to seek custody. It has to be either Form 35.1, Form 15, Form 15A, or all of the above since those are the forms that were filled out in 2017 when I began my Motion to Change.

                            I was just hoping that someone on here would know.

                            Comment


                            • have you seen the kids at all since their father died?

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                              • Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
                                have you seen the kids at all since their father died?
                                not once and it's killing me...no amount of counselling can ease this kind of pain :'(

                                Comment

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