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  • #16
    Originally posted by Janus View Post
    I'm not a nymphomaniac though, I'm a compulsive liar.
    Sure you are! Sex is a weapon! You said it yourself; you use it to get respect!

    Comment


    • #17
      Originally posted by Janus View Post
      Parenting is not an inherent ability, it is a learned skill.
      Nor does it require a PHD.

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by tunnelight View Post
        if he really wanted to physically harm you, don't you think he could do that out in the mediation/ parenting coordination parking lot?

        Did the OCL request any psychological assessment for the father?
        I don't think this matter is being mediated. (Correct me if I am wrong.) If it was being mediated it wouldn't pass the mandatory assessment phase for power imbalances etc.

        https://www.riverdalemediation.com/a...ion-processes/

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        • #19
          Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
          Not that I can remember. I asked for a closed CAMH mental health and addiction assessment from the start. I was going to push for this AGAIN...but what's the point? He's going to lie. He's going to tell 1/2 truths.
          You need a very serious situation to get one ordered. Take a look at the Izyuk matter. It took multiple trials to get to the point of it being ordered! Judges don't hand out these orders very often. It requires mountains (5+ legal boxes full) of evidence.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by Tayken View Post
            I don't think this matter is being mediated. (Correct me if I am wrong.) If it was being mediated it wouldn't pass the mandatory assessment phase for power imbalances etc.

            https://www.riverdalemediation.com/a...ion-processes/
            *ding ding ding*

            It's not being mediated, and I won't go there anymore.

            We tried family mediation from the outset- the mediator rejected our file because domestic violence screening.

            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by Tayken View Post
              You need a very serious situation to get one ordered. Take a look at the Izyuk matter. It took multiple trials to get to the point of it being ordered! Judges don't hand out these orders very often. It requires mountains (5+ legal boxes full) of evidence.
              pretty much. there's no point- it's just wasting my money and his. The only thing I question- is that if he really doesn't believe he's a risk, and it's a closed assessment- wouldn't you just do one to show you're not?

              At this point- i just have to set up the situation that will minimize the risk of violence to both my daughter and myself.

              that being said- What i've picked up from the OCL assessment- and this was backed up by my lawyer...this is more serious than I want to believe.


              Thanks for all the feedback and replies. I'm in the middle of crafting something that I will send to my ex once we receive the final OCL report and recommendations. If he doesn't accept my offer- or counter with something reasonable- then I've told my lawyer to pull the trigger to move this to trial.

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                I don't think this matter is being mediated. (Correct me if I am wrong.) If it was being mediated it wouldn't pass the mandatory assessment phase for power imbalances etc.

                https://www.riverdalemediation.com/a...ion-processes/

                Okay so too dangerous for mediation but just safe enough for a 1.5 hour joint family counselling session ?

                Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
                We had our first session with a jointly selected family therapist yesterday. It was 1.5hrs.

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                • #23
                  There are specially trained counsellors that work specifically with abused/abusive couples in joint counselling (I have one but I use him alone as the ex won’t participate). It has been recognized in the counselling community that by having counsellors withdrawing from joint counselling with abusive dynamics it leaves the victims vulnerable when they are legally forced to have a relationship/communication. So, some brave, well-trained counsellors take it on.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Originally posted by tilt View Post
                    There are specially trained counsellors that work specifically with abused/abusive couples in joint counselling (I have one but I use him alone as the ex won’t participate). It has been recognized in the counselling community that by having counsellors withdrawing from joint counselling with abusive dynamics it leaves the victims vulnerable when they are legally forced to have a relationship/communication. So, some brave, well-trained counsellors take it on.
                    These counselors have to be very well trained I think.

                    I am really lucky that my lawyer suggested two really good skilled counsellors to help in my situation. Unfortunately my first choice was booked up...but the one we’re with now is good. She’s already had to diffuse some situations.

                    I’m not actually convinced coparent counselling is good idea in really high conflict cases where there is a historical power imbalance.

                    But practically speaking- and I realize how messed up this is- I feel like it allows my ex to funnel his rage towards me in these sessions, and I’m “protected” in a sense—- and that keeps it away from him potentially lashing out at our daughter. He gets to spew his vitriol and manipulative garbage at me and maybe that actually allows him to feel some of the control he’s lost.




                    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
                      I’m not actually convinced coparent counselling is good idea in really high conflict cases where there is a historical power imbalance.
                      You are correct. It is not good. Parallel parenting maybe but, even in your situation, that would be a stretch. When I read your materials I think "idiot" before "abusive" at times. Not to say one negates the other. What I am saying is you have a double down situation.

                      It is hard to overcome "idiot". It takes a lot of hard work. Sorry to say. You may be doing the majority of work when it comes to your children. You are consistent in how you describe the other parent.

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                      • #26
                        Did you at anytime request a restraining order?

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Originally posted by tunnelight View Post
                          Did you at anytime request a restraining order?


                          Didn’t need to, he had bail conditions that worked the same way. They were reduced at the time he started pars, and removed after.


                          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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                          • #28
                            Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
                            They were reduced at the time he started pars, and removed after.
                            Did you request a restraining order once the bail conditions were removed?
                            Last edited by tunnelight; 03-04-2019, 10:47 PM.

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by tilt View Post
                              There are specially trained counsellors that work specifically with abused/abusive couples in joint counselling (I have one but I use him alone as the ex won’t participate). It has been recognized in the counselling community that by having counsellors withdrawing from joint counselling with abusive dynamics it leaves the victims vulnerable when they are legally forced to have a relationship/communication. So, some brave, well-trained counsellors take it on.
                              Mediators and therapists are both BSW MSW social workers licensed by the college of social workers. Most social workers with training in Family Law do both therapy and mediation. Some of them even do OCL assessment on the side.

                              The question is, the therapist they chose, was it a "specifically" trained for domestic violence therapist?
                              Last edited by tunnelight; 03-04-2019, 11:13 PM.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by tunnelight View Post
                                Did you request a restraining order once the bail conditions were removed?
                                Nope.

                                (apparently the word "no" is too short).

                                Comment

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