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  • Monster Mom

    After 6 months of filing I finally got my ex's Response (Form 10: Answer) and I am devastated at the allegations. According to my ex, I am a DV Abuser, who is volatile, violence, psychotic and have a undiagnosed mental illness for our entire 6 year relationship. And he is the Hero for walking away to spare the children. Truth is he left for another women, but that doesnt factor into anything anyway.

    I feel like I just got hit by a Mack Truck. I feel if I was a Judge reading this, I would remove the children immediately and lock me up either in jail or a phyc ward. Our children both have special needs, they both have active social workers/mandatory reporters in their lives why has this Monster Mom (me), not been reported before? But clearly have been accused in an Affidavit for Family Court. Shouldn't these affidavits be mandatory reported to both Police and CAS for investigation as soon as there are filed in family court? Are Lawyers Mandatory Reporters? Shouldn't his lawyer have some legal responsibility to report me?

    I can only hope that our case never ends up on Canlii for our children to read. I dont understand how a parent could be so cruel and make up allegations against the other for no reason. We are NOT in a custody or access battle. Our disagreement is over CS and Daycare costs. There is no need imo, to make one parent better or worse than the other.

    I think its such travesty, in Family Law that you can just swear an affidavit and make such allegations in something so serious as DV that it becomes routine for litigants. Its minimizing the true victims of DV.

    I am become quite jaded re the Family Court System, that you can just throw out such a serious allegations without anything to back it up. My only crimes in my life has been parking tickets, not even a speeding ticket, let alone a charge or even an allegation for violence until now.

    What happens to the Fathers/Mothers that have been true victims of DV? And why do lawyers (he is with a prestige firm) allow these allegations with no proof or at the very least an investigation?

    Maybe playing nice doesnt work in Family Court? Maybe I need to grow a bigger backbone? Or find a lawyer that can sling the mud back? My lawyer is a small independent lawyer but reasonable priced, and does not sling mud.

    Thanks for listening, my heart goes out to all of you who are brave enough even to post here to help others.

    I definitely don't have the stomach for this!

  • #2
    I think it’s a common tactic. Throw some mud to detract from the real issue.

    My daughters ex did this. He had been under reporting his income and had refused to pay daycare proportionate to income. So she filed a motion to have CS re-evaluated and for him to pay daycare including arrears.

    His answer to her motion was to drag up anything that had annoyed him over the past 3 years with lots of added embellishments and accusations about her that were totally untrue and for which he had no proof anyway.

    Her lawyer instructed her to write in her reply, item by item “ this statement is a complete untruth”

    Then just concentrated on the real issues. The judge read it all and made no reference to all his rantings but just picked out the relevant facts of his income and that he had not paid his share of daycare even though he knew about it.

    Judge awarded cost to my daughter and slammed a big arrears bill on the ex.

    So just take it easy and ignore his rantings and just state the truth and back each truth with,proof.

    Good luck.

    And yes it will be interesting to see what the children would think if they read some of these affidavits.
    Last edited by Beachnana; 02-15-2018, 07:13 PM.

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    • #3
      Ignore it. As you said, if there was a problem it would have been reported by now. The judge only cares about facts.

      Fact: his income is $xx,xxx
      Fact: your income is $yy,yyy
      Fact: offset child support is $zzz monthly
      Fact: section 7 % is abc

      Thats it. Nothing else matters. Make an offer to settle along the lines of whats common (ie if you are offering 50/50, set it all out and move forward).

      The only way it will end up on canlii is if it has potential to set jurisprudence or its an interesting case.

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      • #4
        just typical mud-slinging.

        By getting upset you are giving him what he wants. You are focusing on the lies instead of just dismissing them. Focus on the actual issues.

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        • #5
          I agree it is pretty upsetting to read the allegations.
          Beachnana's daughter received good advice from her lawyer in how to respond.

          My ex, after our 30-year-marriage, decided to allege I was a terrible mother because ex felt I had no part in our son's toilet training (son was in late 20's when we divorced). LOL. I recall I was incensed at the time reading the fiction. Recognize what it is: Your ex's lawyer is simply trying to keep the two of you fighting to increase billable hours on your file. So don't 'feed the meter' and DO NOT spend time addressing all of the false allegation... it is but a distraction.

          One thing that I know for certain in family law - it is all about money. Lawyers know this. Don't get sucked in.
          Last edited by arabian; 02-15-2018, 09:29 PM.

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          • #6
            It’s called “Legal Abuse Syndrome”. The other side is attacking you with lies, false allegations and character assasination in the hopes of making you so distraught you cave in to their demands. If they are relentless, over time they can cause such extensive injury to your psyche that you develop court induced PTSD which can devastate you for the rest of your life. Wicked, unethical and potentially catastrophic. Be forewarned!

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            • #7
              Thanks so much for all your words of encouragement and advice! I have a week to answer back. I am going to leave it for a few days until my emotions arent so high.

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              • #8
                Try googling Legal Abuse Syndrome. There is an excellent video by the psychologist who coined this term. If you know what they’re up to and why, then you can prepare yourself to deal with their head games. Same as the dating site scammers who try to catfish you out of your money. If you know what they’re up to you won’t fall victim to them. It’s a chess game. Stay cool and outsmart them.

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                • #9
                  This one?

                  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ge_LkXD9YtA

                  Did you purchase the book?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    The Truth is...

                    Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                    After 6 months of filing I finally got my ex's Response (Form 10: Answer) and I am devastated at the allegations. According to my ex, I am a DV Abuser, who is volatile, violence, psychotic and have a undiagnosed mental illness for our entire 6 year relationship. And he is the Hero for walking away to spare the children. Truth is he left for another women, but that doesnt factor into anything anyway..
                    Funny, normally it's the other way around. Welcome on the side of False allegations and etc.... just ignore and don't even pay attention since you are on the safe side of gender. Judge won't believe him. Sleep tight! Don't worry.

                    Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                    I feel like I just got hit by a Mack Truck. I feel if I was a Judge reading this, I would remove the children immediately and lock me up either in jail or a phyc ward. Our children both have special needs, they both have active social workers/mandatory reporters in their lives why has this Monster Mom (me), not been reported before? But clearly have been accused in an Affidavit for Family Court. Shouldn't these affidavits be mandatory reported to both Police and CAS for investigation as soon as there are filed in family court? Are Lawyers Mandatory Reporters? Shouldn't his lawyer have some legal responsibility to report me?.
                    Affidavits are full of lies. Justice won't pay attention to any of them even though they are sworn. Don't bother. Exhibits are facts. Affidavits are chapters of a vexatious litigant who needs to vent his frustration and hates through a legal mechanic and unfortunately, only adds into the useless continuing record. Easy to differentiate as none of the false statements would be supported by an evidence. All my statements were supported, none of my ex were. But she was on the safe gender side and permitted to say all kind of BS.

                    Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                    I can only hope that our case never ends up on Canlii for our children to read. I dont understand how a parent could be so cruel and make up allegations against the other for no reason. We are NOT in a custody or access battle. Our disagreement is over CS and Daycare costs. There is no need imo, to make one parent better or worse than the other..
                    My case is on CanLii and since I am wide open and telling the truth since the very start of my litigation, I have no problem with it. I do hope my children will see all this eventually and I'm keeping all my material to show later on. If they don't realize what their mom and her family have been "monsterily" doing by lying and manipulating the system today, they need to know tomorrow. My children are far from me today, but they will be far from mom tomorrow. I believe in KARMA.

                    Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                    I think its such travesty, in Family Law that you can just swear an affidavit and make such allegations in something so serious as DV that it becomes routine for litigants. Its minimizing the true victims of DV..
                    She made false allegations of DV to win her case. I lost access to my house and kids because of that and was never compensated. I read, read and studied the civil law to seek some remedies. I am now entering into a new battle to play with the rules and the law.

                    Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                    I am become quite jaded re the Family Court System, that you can just throw out such a serious allegations without anything to back it up. My only crimes in my life has been parking tickets, not even a speeding ticket, let alone a charge or even an allegation for violence until now..
                    You have nothing to worry if there is no supporting evidence. Just say it's not true.

                    Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                    What happens to the Fathers/Mothers that have been true victims of DV? And why do lawyers (he is with a prestige firm) allow these allegations with no proof or at the very least an investigation?.
                    Real victims reports those events when they severely happen. Mothers goes to shelters. Fathers hide under humiliation (they don't have shelters). Lawyers makes lots of money with those lies that tends to prolonge the litigation on several months and by filing documents.

                    Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                    Maybe playing nice doesnt work in Family Court? Maybe I need to grow a bigger backbone? Or find a lawyer that can sling the mud back? My lawyer is a small independent lawyer but reasonable priced, and does not sling mud.
                    Don't ever play nice for the ex. Only for the sake of the children. My biggest error was to let my ex keep the house as she wanted it but I had always requested my share. Knowing the trouble I am running into today, I should have ask the house to be listed on the market to get the fair value. Don't be nice to your ex, especially when he/she lies by telling their Truth!

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                      After 6 months of filing I finally got my ex's Response (Form 10: Answer)
                      Note: "Form 10: Answer" is not a sworn affidavit. It is a statement of claim and nothing more. They hold very little weight as a statement of "truth".

                      Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                      and I am devastated at the allegations. According to my ex, I am a DV Abuser, who is volatile, violence, psychotic and have a undiagnosed mental illness for our entire 6 year relationship. And he is the Hero for walking away to spare the children.
                      No one will care. The judge won't care. The judge reads hundreds of these stupid miss-guided Answers every week. Honestly. 90% of them have this nonsense written into them.

                      Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                      Truth is he left for another women, but that doesnt factor into anything anyway.
                      Another common occurrence. Any gender any sexual orientation. One partner leaves for another person.

                      Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                      I feel like I just got hit by a Mack Truck.
                      Hopefully sooner rather than later... It will transform into Optimus Prime and this nonsense will settle.

                      Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                      I feel if I was a Judge reading this, I would remove the children immediately and lock me up either in jail or a phyc ward. Our children both have special needs, they both have active social workers/mandatory reporters in their lives why has this Monster Mom (me), not been reported before? But clearly have been accused in an Affidavit for Family Court.
                      You are reading it through your lense. No doubt, a lawyer will tell you what I have told you. This stuff is "common as teeth".

                      Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                      Shouldn't these affidavits be mandatory reported to both Police and CAS for investigation as soon as there are filed in family court? Are Lawyers Mandatory Reporters? Shouldn't his lawyer have some legal responsibility to report me?
                      I agree that this is how it should go. If allegations like these are made they should be properly investigated by a "Family Responsibility Officier" and the report should be provided to the court or charges laid. It shouldn't be left to "civil court" to investigate on the "balance of probabilities" if a parent is "abusive" or "violent" etc...

                      Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                      I can only hope that our case never ends up on Canlii for our children to read.
                      High probability it won't happen.

                      Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                      I dont understand how a parent could be so cruel and make up allegations against the other for no reason.
                      A thousand parents are sitting at their computer wondering the same thing at the same time in Canada right now. It shouldn't be this way. I agree.

                      Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                      We are NOT in a custody or access battle. Our disagreement is over CS and Daycare costs. There is no need imo, to make one parent better or worse than the other.
                      Unless the other parent is making a claim for "sole custody" and "majority access" they have already admitted, against their own interest, that you are not any of those things that they have claimed.

                      I find it is often best for your lawyer to respond directly to the other lawyer the basic concept of res judicata and that the allegations made in the application are inappropriate as their client has reached a final agreement on custody and access for joint custody and equal access despite those allegations. Ultimately, by doing so their client has admitted against their own interest, by reaching a final agreement on consent, for joint custody and equal access, all of the unnecessary and false allegations of "domestic violence". Furthermore, that any claim made by their client was remotely "truthful" that they would be making a claim for sole custody, majority access and supervised access to your client on an emergency motion.

                      Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                      I think its such travesty, in Family Law that you can just swear an affidavit and make such allegations in something so serious as DV that it becomes routine for litigants. Its minimizing the true victims of DV.
                      An excellent point. The countless false allegations of domestic violence does indeed put ACTUAL vitimis at risk. Its the simply theory of "crying wolf". What I find puzzling is that a lot of organizations that are supposed to help these victims instigate it a lot of the time.

                      Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                      I am become quite jaded re the Family Court System, that you can just throw out such a serious allegations without anything to back it up.
                      Other than hearsay statements that should not be even admissable as "evidence".

                      Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                      What happens to the Fathers/Mothers that have been true victims of DV? And why do lawyers (he is with a prestige firm) allow these allegations with no proof or at the very least an investigation?
                      True victims fail to report it. Put themselves at risk.
                      Lawyers make 10's of thousands to 100's of thousands off their clients.

                      Originally posted by kate331 View Post
                      Maybe playing nice doesnt work in Family Court? Maybe I need to grow a bigger backbone? Or find a lawyer that can sling the mud back? My lawyer is a small independent lawyer but reasonable priced, and does not sling mud.
                      Don't sling mud. Throw roses. You can throw technicalities like the one outlined above back. The burden falls on the other party to prove on the "balance of probabilities" that their allegations are true. This requires actual evidence.

                      Its mostly a scare tactic. Unfortunate that this is the default now.

                      Good Luck!
                      Tayken

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Again thanks so much for all your thoughtful responses and sharing your experiences. This forum is a life line right now.

                        I am trying to play nice to the ex, because I am very concerned for our 7 year old son. He has clearly been affected by our separation and before that the arguing during the relationship, we both failed him there. More acrimonious inst going to help. IMO Family Court promotes this adversary system, yet says its all about the Best Interest of the Children.

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                        • #13
                          It sounds as though you are looking at this whole thing objectively which is great considering what you have been through. Too often it seems people just get into the "right fight" and bounce miserable affidavits back and forth. It really is of no value (even if it feels good at the time).

                          To this day I don't harbor much anger towards my ex... probably because I have learned to compartmentalize things. I have known (with certainty) from the start of our litigation, that ex's sister and g/f played a very large role in instigating and igniting things. Sure, ex was ultimately responsible for legal actions from his end, but I am pretty sure that had these people not involved themselves we would not have gone through years of hurtful and expensive litigation. It cost these "other people" nothing to encourage my ex's relentless litigation. Ex is kind of stupid and ultimately lazy. My 30 years with him taught me that if someone else offers to do things for him he readily agrees. Hopefully you can keep things calm and civil between you and your ex and come to an agreement to keep each other's support system at bay. This will likely be your biggest challenge.

                          The reality is that you two will be in each other's lives for a very long time. Therefore - don't react to the crap. Someday (like I can do now) you will laugh at it.
                          Last edited by arabian; 02-17-2018, 02:14 AM.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I have no idea if my ex's gf is fueling the fire, I have only met her once when she was with him for a drop off. But its a possibility.

                            I could see slinging the mud to make one parent look badly in Court in a custody dispute, but there is no custody/access battle here (yet).

                            I do now believe his whole stress leave from work is a big fat lie, to get out of paying child support. Because after reading his affidavit, I now don't believe anything he says. I am not sure if he is a "right fighter" or like to play the 'victim".

                            When you are parenting special needs kids they come with their own little army of social workers and assistance, which includes helping them with conflict in their home life. It tends to keep me in check when I feel like going off the rails, that is my go too support system, I unfortunately do not have a boyfriend. Its just not the right time.

                            There is a reason we have an open file with the CAS, we are obviously not doing a very good job parenting that we need the Government to step in and assist our family.. This is something I am certainly not proud off, and making me out to be this Monster, only fuels their agenda to keep the file open.

                            I meet with my lawyer next week, and get her advice. My gut tells me he is going to walk away. I cant explain why, its just a gut feeling I have that he and his gf will start a new life somewhere and leave the kids and the financial burden behind. So I hope "someday" I can laugh at my prediction and think, what was I thinking.

                            Thanks for sharing your experience Arabian. Gives me hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              He cant walk away financially. If you are in a province with enforcement, get that order to the agency. Make sure you argue his stress leave is temporary. He can take off but the order for cs stays!

                              Comment

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