Change in Parenting Plan

[Canadaguy]

Currently equal parenting 50/50 with a 2 year old. Paying the ex offset CS. She is pregnant with her new husband and due next month.

Currently we both work M-F 9-5. Now that she is on early maternity leave, she is requesting we remove our child from daycare and stay at home with her during the day.

I am all for this, but am worried about a few things.

1. By spending a drastic amount of more time during the day with her, does this mean we are no longer equal 50/50 parents?
2. Does it create a status quo for the year as her being the "primary" parent?
3. Will my CS change from offset to full b/c the time is less than 40%?
4. Developmentally for a 2 year old is it a good thing not to be in a school setting environment full time? Maybe part time?
5. Will our child be neglected during the day when she is upbringing her new child?

[Berner_Faith]

I don't think you have to worry about the status quo thing providing you still do the 50/50... spending the day with her is no different then spending it at day care, expect the fact the child is spending time with their parent, rather than a stranger... if this is something you want to do, ensure that you follow the same plans as you do now, but with her as essentially the "daycare". If you use to drop off at the day care and then pick up after work, do the same with her. Drop off with her in the morning and pick up at the end of the day.

Your offset method will change, as if she is on mat leave, her income is obviously going to drop, so yes you will see an increase in CS when the review time comes around.

I personally believe that while parents are great teachers, it is always good to have children in a learning like setting for a few days a week. They learn things from their peers that parents just can't teach.

Many stay at home parents are able to raise a baby and other kids without neglecting either of them... yes her time is now going to be spread between 2 kids rather than just one, but what is the difference between her and daycare? I am sure at daycare the time of the instructors is divided between 10+ kids?

Best of luck

[Tayken]

I am all for this, but am worried about a few things.

1. By spending a drastic amount of more time during the day with her, does this mean we are no longer equal 50/50 parents?

No. You are still full joint custodial parents with 50-50 access. Weather the child is with her during the day or with you at daycare it does not change the situation. I would highly recommend that the child stay at daycare.

2. Does it create a status quo for the year as her being the "primary" parent?

No. The child resides with you 50% of the time and you are involved in every major decision.

3. Will my CS change from offset to full b/c the time is less than 40%?

No. The child will be residing just as many days in your care. The courts do not count hours.

4. Developmentally for a 2 year old is it a good thing not to be in a school setting environment full time? Maybe part time?

Keep the child in daycare if possible during your time. Do not let the mother babysit the child for you while the child is residing with you unless you have a written agreement that it doesn't constitute a "material change in circumstance" and the matter cannot be brought to court, arbitration or mediation for any reason and that you can end the agreement at any time without notice. (if you have her babysit your child while you are at work and not have the child in daycare.)

5. Will our child be neglected during the day when she is upbringing her new child?

No. But, it would be better for everyone if your child is in daycare.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[billm]

I agree with Tayken, except the daycare part.

If the mom is home and she wants the child during the day, do that. If I was not working and at home and I wanted my child with me (which I would), I would be very upset if my ex tried to stop that.

The mom will hopefully expose the child to other children etc. I don't believe that daycare is better, and certainly she does not - you are not able to take care of the child while you are working, and she can - let her.

For CS though I would impute her income to keep it at what she has now - her drop in income for maternity is a voluntary decision between her and her husband and he will be supporting that change income - her income will not go down, she will be supported by him.

[dinkyface]

I presume that you are currently paying more than half of full-day daycare? So that expense will go away. I'd guess that easily balances out the increased offset CS due to her decreased income.

[Rioe]

Currently equal parenting 50/50 with a 2 year old. Paying the ex offset CS. She is pregnant with her new husband and due next month.

Currently we both work M-F 9-5. Now that she is on early maternity leave, she is requesting we remove our child from daycare and stay at home with her during the day.

I am all for this, but am worried about a few things.

First of all, do you have a Right of First Refusal Clause? You may be required by that to let the ex look after the child instead of a third party, as she is available to do so. But you'll save on daycare.

1. By spending a drastic amount of more time during the day with her, does this mean we are no longer equal 50/50 parents?

It shouldn't affect your 50-50 arrangement, as it's clear this is a temporary measure not intended to change the previous agreement. Especially if you have that Right of First Refusal clause, which makes it especially clear that the days are still "your" days.

2. Does it create a status quo for the year as her being the "primary" parent?

It shouldn't, but if you think she'll try to bring you back to court afterwards and use the maternity year as an excuse to try to take away your shared custody, you might think about both of you signing some sort of letter making it clear that that this year-long arrangement is not intended to be a longer term change to the custody agreement.

3. Will my CS change from offset to full b/c the time is less than 40%?

No, you still have the same number of overnights, and this is nearly always what is counted to determine the % of time.

However, the mother's reduced income may affect your offset CS. There are some court cases which have said that the mother's reduced income due to maternity leave is considered, and some where it isn't. So you may find yourself paying more anyway, if you don't successfully argue that she's being supported by her new spouse and her income should be imputed to its normal amount.

4. Developmentally for a 2 year old is it a good thing not to be in a school setting environment full time? Maybe part time?
5. Will our child be neglected during the day when she is upbringing her new child?

Personally, I would recommend continuing daycare part time, if the daycare provides for that. That keeps your child regularly engaged with other children already friends with, likely with professional ECE staff etc. Keep it on a regular day, if possible, so your child can have a predictable schedule. Also, make sure that you spend a weekday with your child now and then, instead of daycare or your ex's care. Both this and part-time daycare will maintain the continuing notion that you are the one in charge of the daytime arrangements during your time. Depending on your daycare, this may also keep you as a client so you don't have to hunt for new daycare and do the waiting list thing as her mat leave draws to a close.

This also gives your ex time alone with her new baby. I know when I was on mat leave for my second, I was very glad for my first being in kindergarten part time! I felt like I was spending more time with the older kid than with the baby when I was on mat leave. Granted, that's only one person's experience and my first was older than two, but based on that, it's likely to be the new baby who would receive less attention than your child.

But do you have reason to believe that the ex would neglect the older child?

[Canadaguy]

No. But, it would be better for everyone if your child is in daycare.

Good Luck!
Tayken[/QUOTE]



Interesting responses....but I do ask Tayken for his opinion on why he thinks it would be better for everyone if our child was in full time daycare instead of part time and home with mom the other part time.

[HammerDad]

First of all, do you have a Right of First Refusal Clause? You may be required by that to let the ex look after the child instead of a third party, as she is available to do so. But you'll save on daycare.

ROFR are generally not enforcible when it comes to work hours.