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  • Long weekends

    My ex and I are close but have yet to sign our SA. Its tentative. One of its clauses states that for long weekends that whoever has the children that weekend, gets to have the extra day of parenting time with the kids on the holiday Monday.
    My ex has reached out asking me if she can pick up the kids early on Family day and for me to forgo completely Easter Monday so that she can have this time with the kids.
    My gut reaction is NO!
    I had reached out awhile back asking for more time with our kids. I said there was no reason why an extra 2 overnights would be bad for them. She refused and challenged me to bring her to court, knowing the time and cost it would take.
    That's why my gut is saying no to giving her the requested times. As far as I see it, she will have them next year with the kids when it falls on her weekends and so on and so on.

    I'm really trying to see if about being the bigger person and if it's worth it. Yes, I'm angry that my kids are withheld from me for $$ for awhile. I see it as I'm fighting her for time with my kids and any extra parenting time they can have with me is in their benefit.

    I'm ok with alternating these weekends every year. My ex wants what's different than in our tentative agreement. Another thing, would this bot set up a precedent as this is our first year doing so?

  • #2
    Then say no. But do it in a nice way as in “I think we should stick to the agreement” or even “I have plans those days and can’t change them”.

    Letting her do this now will cause problems.

    Comment


    • #3
      Your situation seems to be exactly like mine! Awaiting to reach 50/50, and in the meantime co-parenting is hell, and needlessly acrimonious. Mom of the kids playing hardball or being unreasonable, purposely limiting time with kids, proving any opportunity for extra time, or asking favours but won’t return a similar favour when asked later on. Keep a diary or table of her purposely being a sore in being a reasonable co-parent who goes out of her way to limit your parenting, which is aimed at hurting you. Her goal of keeping you out of kids life blinds her on the reality that she is in fact actually hurting the kids. Judges love it when parents negatively impact kids lives due to their focus on hurting the other parent. There is a reason why the saying “Love your kids more than you hate your ex” exists.

      Comment


      • #4
        I'm not sure if it's to cut me out or just plain ignorance on her part.

        Comment


        • #5
          I dont think mine is necessarily on purpose either, just she can be really, really oblivious.

          She will ask for favours such as me returning the kids early on my time so that they can be present for a family birthday dinner, stating that its good for the kids to be present at family functions. So I oblige. Then 3 months later I ask if I can bring the kids home 2 hours later to accommodate for a family birthday dinner and she will say no. There is simply no logic to her. I feel that now that she knows there won't be a trial (as we settled) she can act terribly.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by LovingDad1234 View Post
            I dont think mine is necessarily on purpose either, just she can be really, really oblivious.

            She will ask for favours such as me returning the kids early on my time so that they can be present for a family birthday dinner, stating that its good for the kids to be present at family functions. So I oblige. Then 3 months later I ask if I can bring the kids home 2 hours later to accommodate for a family birthday dinner and she will say no. There is simply no logic to her. I feel that now that she knows there won't be a trial (as we settled) she can act terribly.
            Write the residency schedule and Holiday and Special Occasions schedules as appendices to any agreement.
            Make them detailed and specific.
            I insisted on rotating special occasions every year and it has been the best for all. No mid day handoffs on Christmas for me!
            Long weekends fall as they fall within the regular residency (except Easter). Same goes for PD days, Family Day etc.
            Make sure you detail who is doing the dropoff and pickup.
            And when Special Occasions conflict with regular schedule how is that handled. Be VERY specific or expect conflict.
            If you can get along and make minor changes that is great. But if not a very specific schedule is a miracle.

            Comment


            • #7
              This is excellent detail thank you.

              How do you handle it when special occasions/holidays conflict with regular schedule? How do you divide up December 24-Jan 2nd? Curious what others have done here and how it works.


              Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by UnderPressure View Post
                This is excellent detail thank you.

                How do you handle it when special occasions/holidays conflict with regular schedule? How do you divide up December 24-Jan 2nd? Curious what others have done here and how it works.


                Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                For Christmas is it simple.
                One year I have Dec 24 at 4 pm to Dec 31 at 4 pm. Then she gest Dec 31 at 4 pm to Jan 7 at 4 pm.
                If there is conflict we have a clause (that I drafted) where one parent may end up with two weeks followed by the other having 2 weeks until things normalize.
                Be careful with march Break and Easter.
                We also have a clause for birthdays so that rotates.
                Mothers Day and Fathers Day weekends too.
                A few bumps but no nightmares like I hear when both parents want to have every holiday shared.

                Comment


                • #9
                  What do you mean by “if there is a conflict”?

                  By being careful about march break and Easter do you mean to include those in the rotation?

                  Thank you very much for sharing your experience. How has the Christmas-New Years schedule worked out for the kids? Do you guys include in the agreement FaceTime and phone calls as well? Especially during holidays or all the time?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by UnderPressure View Post
                    What do you mean by “if there is a conflict”?

                    By being careful about march break and Easter do you mean to include those in the rotation?

                    Thank you very much for sharing your experience. How has the Christmas-New Years schedule worked out for the kids? Do you guys include in the agreement FaceTime and phone calls as well? Especially during holidays or all the time?
                    The special occasions and holiday schedule has been a godsend. PM me and I will share it. Or I may sanitize it.
                    Yes, the communication terms apply always so parents and kids can communicate.
                    By conflict I mean when the regular schedule is interrupted. For example Thanksgiving could be yours one year but falls on their weekend. So you just double up weekends until you get back on track. Otherwise scheduling is a true nightmare.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by UnderPressure View Post
                      What do you mean by “if there is a conflict”?

                      By being careful about march break and Easter do you mean to include those in the rotation?

                      Thank you very much for sharing your experience. How has the Christmas-New Years schedule worked out for the kids? Do you guys include in the agreement FaceTime and phone calls as well? Especially during holidays or all the time?
                      SCHEDULE D TO THE SEPARATION AGREEMENT DATED XXXX
                      1. HOLIDAY AND SPECIAL OCCASION SCHEDULE
                      1.1 This Holiday and Special Occasion schedule takes precedence over the Regular Residency Schedule. If the Holiday and Special Occasion Schedule conflicts with the Regular Residency Schedule then XX and YY agree that the parent who has the children for the holiday or special occasion will have them 2 weekends in a row. The other parent will be the on-duty parent for the children for the following 2 weekends.
                      1.2 Should the occasion period commence or conclude on a day that does not coincide with the Regular Residency Schedule then the drop-off times below will apply. The parties agree that the children will be dropped off at the other parent’s home unless otherwise agreed to in writing.
                      1.3 XX and YY will share the children’s holidays and special occasions as follows:
                      (a) Christmas Week: The parties agree that Christmas Week is 1:00 pm December 24 to 1:00 pm on December 31. Starting in 2013, YY will be the on-duty parent for the children in odd numbered years and XX will be the on-duty parent for the in even numbered years.
                      (b) New Year’s Week: The parties agree that New Year’s Week is 1:00 pm on December 31 (drop-off) to 3:30 PM on January 7 (drop-off). XX will be the on-duty parent for the children in even numbered years and YY will be the on-duty parent for the children in odd numbered years.
                      (c) March/Spring Break: The parties agree that March/Spring Break is comprised of the first Monday of the Break at 9:00 am to the following Monday at 9:00 am. YY will be the on-duty parent for the children for in even numbered years and XX will be the on-duty parent in odd numbered years. Costs for child-care during Spring break will be treated as Special Expenses.
                      (d) Easter Weekend: The parties agree Easter Weekend includes Good Friday at 9:00 AM Eastern Time to 5:00PM Easter Monday. Starting in 2014, YY will be the on-duty parent for the children in even numbered years and XX will be the on-duty parent for the children in odd numbered years.
                      (e) Mother’s Day Weekend and Father’s Day Weekends: The parties agree that Mother’s Day Weekend and Father’s Day Weekend will be comprised of the Friday at 5:00 pm to Sunday at 5:00 pm. The children will be with YY on Mother’s Day Weekend. The children will be with XX on Father’s Day Weekend. Where this conflicts with the Regular Residency schedule then the other parent will be the on-duty parent for the children for the following 2 weekends.
                      (f) Children’s Birthday: The parties agree that the Birthday is from 5:00 PM on YYYYMMDD to 9:00 am on YYYYMMDD each year. Starting in 2016, YY will be the on-duty parent in even numbered years and XX in odd numbered years.
                      (g) Thanksgiving Weekend: The parties agree that Thanksgiving Weekend is 5:00 PM on the Friday to 5:00 PM on Thanksgiving Monday. Starting in 2013, XX will be the on-duty parent in odd numbered years and YY will be the on-duty parent for the children in even numbered years.
                      1.4 The regular schedule per Schedule C applies for the remainder of the long weekends, statutory holidays, PD days and when the children are not attending school in the summer unless otherwise agreed.
                      1.5 Drop-Off Time: The parties agree that the children will be dropped off at the other parent’s home at the commencement of any Holiday or Special Occasion period set out above unless the drop-off at period commencement falls within the on-duty parent’s residency schedule making drop-off unnecessary. At the end of the period the on-duty parent will drop the children at the other parent’s home unless the drop-off at period end falls within the on-duty parent’s residency schedule making drop-off unnecessary.
                      1.6 Changes to Schedule D: XX and YY agree that if an unavoidable event or activity fall on the switched weekend both parents will be as flexible as possible to accommodate this event or activity however neither parent is authorized to make changes to the schedule for any reason whatsoever unless expressly agreed to in writing by both parents. The parties agree to respect the final decision of the other parent in the event that a request for a change is declined by the other parent.
                      1.7 In the event that a material change of circumstances occurs either party may request their revisions to this Schedule in writing subject to mutual acceptance and otherwise the provisions for dispute resolution will apply.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Thank you so much! This is extremely valuable and helpful.

                        I have this prepared going into mediation (edited for my situation) and it will save me time and money, but most valuable is being able to think about this and be prepared to include it in the agreement.

                        Thank you Abba435, thank you.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by UnderPressure View Post
                          Thank you so much! This is extremely valuable and helpful.

                          I have this prepared going into mediation (edited for my situation) and it will save me time and money, but most valuable is being able to think about this and be prepared to include it in the agreement.

                          Thank you Abba435, thank you.
                          Sadly these terms are only as good as the good faith of the parties. That has been sadly lacking in my case. Pleased you can possibly benefit. The winners have been the kids because they are not being passed back and forth on Christmas Day, we can travel freely and there is NO conflict for them. They actually really like this arrangement.
                          If I ran things this would be law, not everyone scrambling around to figure it out paying lawyers, mediators adn ending up in court.
                          The family law system is so screwed up.
                          What we need is more forums like this with a library of things like this including sample successful pleadings, responses and strategies etc etc. Maybe my retirement project.
                          I wrote this schedule at the urging of my wife who lived the hell of sharing holidays with her ex who once forced her to drive from Toronto to Cornwall in a blizzard on Christmas morning with toddlers in the car. . I am grateful for her advice and insistence.
                          Imagine trying to take your klds to visit relatives out of town or take a vacation with sharing holidays every year?
                          What a nightmare for everyone.

                          Comment

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