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Tips on Transitioning Young Kids between Two Homes?

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  • Tips on Transitioning Young Kids between Two Homes?

    Someone please tell me the transitions get easier?

    D4 comes back from her dad's place strung out like a junkie finished a three day bender. By that I mean lack of sleep.

    There are tantrums and battles because I won't let her watch her ipad until she falls asleep. And at least a couple hours of "I like dada's house better. He doesn't have your rules"...etc etc.

    I know the standard line of "Dad's house has Dad's Rules, and Mom's house has Mom's Rule". But is there anything that can be done to help little ones transition between two homes?

    I've asked politely to discuss syncing her bedding time routine through email. But no response from other parent....so.....prayer hands emoji?

  • #2
    I doubt you will get buy in so think of alternate plans.

    What would you do if this was coming home from grammas? Would you compromise?

    What is the harm with offering ten minutes of ipad or something else to divert her attention? You’ve got a few years to go before she grows into an age where you may be able to reason.

    Comment


    • #3
      It seems like you are drawing a very arbitrary line in the sand.

      I would just relax the iPad rule on the first day back. Make that the rule. ("You are allowed x minutes of iPad time on the day you come back, but then no iPad time).

      If you really do not want her to play iPad, then have some sort of alternative routine in place. You cannot just say "no" and expect awesome compliance. Play a game with her. Take her on walks. Read together.

      Yes, all my suggestions take time, but that is the cost you will have to pay if this iPad thing really matters to you.

      Talking to your ex is not going to help. Nothing you have said on this forum would lead me to believe that you guys have a cooperative parenting relationship.

      Comment


      • #4
        Thank you both for the suggestions.

        I used the ipad matter as an example really. I guess the bigger question is just how to help little kids- above toddlers, but younger than older kids (say 7-10yr olds)- how to help them understand the transition between two homes with different expectations. And I don't even mean one home is more strict, etc...just different styles of discipline, parenting, etc etc...

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Janus View Post
          It seems like you are drawing a very arbitrary line in the sand.

          I would just relax the iPad rule on the first day back. Make that the rule. ("You are allowed x minutes of iPad time on the day you come back, but then no iPad time).
          She definitely does get to use the ipad. I am not a "no screen time" household. Just not after wind down time....I find it keeps her up longer if she gets screen time in the 30min or so before bedtime. I just get a lot of "but dada lets me and it doesn't bother me, etc etc"...but she's also at Dad's on the weekend- so if she sleeps in, no big deal.

          If you really do not want her to play iPad, then have some sort of alternative routine in place. You cannot just say "no" and expect awesome compliance. Play a game with her. Take her on walks. Read together.

          Yes, all my suggestions take time, but that is the cost you will have to pay if this iPad thing really matters to you.
          yeah- we do all that. We eat dinner a bit earlier on Sundays and usually do a half movie night. It's just the transition. By day 2 she's okay...but here's the kicker- she starts mid-week overnights this fall; and so she'll be transition between households a lot. And I get that it will get easier with time- everything has when working out the parenting thing....I just am trying to figure out some way to make it "easier'...I wonder if I can try hypnosis on children?
          Last edited by iona6656; 07-27-2021, 10:29 AM.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by rockscan View Post
            I doubt you will get buy in so think of alternate plans.

            What would you do if this was coming home from grammas? Would you compromise?

            What is the harm with offering ten minutes of ipad or something else to divert her attention? You�ve got a few years to go before she grows into an age where you may be able to reason.
            Nope, no buy in. If I say anything more to him- he'd probably go to the extreme and feed her candy + ipad at bedtime.

            I feel like grandmas house v. dad's house is a bit different though? I mean- grandma is good times. Dad is supposed to be the other parent who also makes the rules, etc.

            I guess the issue is less about dad's house rules- and more about helping kids figure out and transition between two very disparate households. But I'm guessing that we'll just have to tough it out for a while.

            Thank you for the input.

            Comment


            • #7
              She’s little and at the age where she is trying to understand her emotions. I know my nieces and nephews struggled with life at age 4 and the transition between baby and kid. You need to approach it as a transition between the transition. As much as you want to enforce your rules and schedules, sometimes you have to modify. It’s no different if something happened at your house and her schedule was off.

              Dad will do his business and you do yours. Just remember that things don’t always go accordingly to plan.

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              • #8
                My kids are older and we do a 5225 schedule. I would prefer week on, week off, however my ex seems very opposed to this. I find the same as you, that the kids are crankier on the transition day. This hasn't changed in 7 years for us. I schedule their music lessons on the day after the transition so the kids can settle in. Just having a boring, easy day helps out, with nothing scheduled. An easy meal on the transition day also helps, for my sanity as well, lol.

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                • #9
                  As cheesy as this may sound:

                  https://www.amazon.ca/Moms-House-Dad...948/ref=sr_1_2

                  https://www.amazon.ca/Moms-House-Iso...787/ref=sr_1_1

                  https://www.amazon.ca/Living-Mom-Dad...693/ref=sr_1_3

                  All three are good books and I recommend them to folks a lot.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                    Appreciate it. I'm going to try to find them at the local library.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Also, kids deal with radical rule changes regularly:

                      School does not have the same rules as home.
                      Gym class likely does not have the same rules as english class.
                      Grandparents do not have the same rules as parents.
                      Friend's parents do not have the same rules.

                      Dealing with massive rule disparities is part of growing up. There are many things I do with my friends that I would never do at work.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I don't know the age of your child(ren).
                        How about explaining to them that you want to raise a child with a healthy personality, mind and body.
                        Explain to them how watching the iPad before bed is not good for their sleep or brain growth etc...yes, a bit technical and you need to know how to answer their questions but it works even when you are not there to watch them.

                        Normally, parents are a team and can simply take the way of telling the child "no" but that is not an option and the explanation way also raises a conscientious child that has knowledge they can use in life instead of blindly following (or not) some arbitrary rules.

                        Kids are smart and have ambition.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                          So I borrowed the "Mom's House, Dad's House" and found it interesting. Sort of helpful.

                          We are in the first week of midweek overnights and it's been TOUGH to get a routine going between the two houses.

                          But one of the things that really helped is that the parenting hand off is done at school- and not between homes. I love it. And I would advise anyone working out their separation agreement to get have handoffs done at school- and not between parents' homes.

                          I still get a lot of "I'm going to stay at Dada's house because he lets me do ______". Meh. She's a bit of a mess the next day due to lack of sleep. But I'm hoping it will be better as she gets older and gets used to transitioning between her homes.

                          Thank you all for the advice.

                          ps- the iPad was just an example. lol. I'm not THAT hung up on it....but interestingly enough. I have instituted ipad (and phone for me) free weekends. I'm working up to taking it away from her during the school week.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
                            ...but interestingly enough. I have instituted ipad (and phone for me) free weekends. I'm working up to taking it away from her during the school week.
                            On thing teenagers hate is a hypocrite. I like the strategy of applying the rule to yourself as well.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by cleanSlate View Post
                              On thing teenagers hate is a hypocrite. I like the strategy of applying the rule to yourself as well.

                              Iona’s daughter is 4.


                              Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                              Comment

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