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Old 06-16-2013, 05:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Beachnana View Post
Interesting article. Whereas I agree that when the family functions as a whole family prior to divorce it makes 100% sense that the 2 parents strive to continue those roles and should be allowed to.
Great!
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But when one parent, and its not always the Father, finds it difficult to bond and deal with the inevitable stress of being a functioning parent.
But what? You didn't write a complete sentence so it is difficult to follow your train of thought.
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Once the breakup occurs is it fair to push that parent into a equal role when they clearly did not want or felt it was necessary to be an active parent when they had the chance
I'm not sure how closely you read the article. No one is pushing any parent into a situation they don't want.

The idea of presumption of shared parenting doesn't mean a parent who doesn't want equal time with their with their kids is forced into it. Here is the thing:
At present, there is no presumption of equality, and there are decades of history of courts automatically handing custody to the mother. In order for a parent, usually the father, to get equality, they have to jump through hoops and prove that they were an involved parent. This is unfair and humiliating.

If there is a reason why a parent should not be equal to the other - for example if they are on the road 3 weeks out of 4, or they were abusive to the children - then this reason must be shown. It shouldn't be up to a parent who wants their kids to have to prove they were an actual parent to them. It should be up to the one who disagrees to have factual reasons to prove why not.
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Sometimes a parent wants to just pat on the head and do the fun stuff. And hands back to the other parent when they want their own time. It is quite obvious to involved parents that having a child is a 24/7 commitment .
Yes, and no one is forcing this person to parent them full-time, half-time, or any time.
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Interesting that quite often after a breakdown of the relationship suddenly everyone is claiming equal time with their children.
There are a lot of connotations to your use of the word "interesting." Let's look at some of the reasons.

A couple have been through a toxic period in their relationship, and it is natural that one or both may be withdrawn. One may not feel comfortable in the home. There may be an affair going on. For whatever reason, the family shuts down.

Upon separation both parents realize what is at risk: Losing their relationship with their children. Both parents can feel strongly that they have work to maintain the relationship now. Before, they were home every day with the children. Now they are not. The sense of loss can be overpowering. Many parents want to divorce their spouses, not their children. Maintaining the relationship with the children takes work, and they are ready to step up and do that work.

The simple fact is that a separation means change. Why be surprised that one of the changes is that the parents suddenly are scared of losing the people they care about most, their children?

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My point is if we push for a generalized statement of what is right then we paint everyone with the same brush.
We are pushing for nothing of the kind. We are pushing for a neutral starting place so that each parent is considered a parent, nothing more, nothing less.
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Its far more complicated than that. How does anyone really prove their involvement after the fact. Do we all have to document from the beginning of relationships and parenthood in case their is a breakup!
Are you contradicting yourself? The idea of a presumption of equal parenting means that nothing need be proven the way you are describing. The presumption is that the status quo was that the children had 2 parents and so the situation going forward should be built around that. If the previous situation was not equal, that is what must be shown, not just assumed.
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