My ex and I share our kids, 50-50, week on, week off, with transfers on Fridays at 5:00pm (or after school that day)
During my weeks, the kids get off the bus at my house, and are watched by my partner, who gets off work a half hour before they are done school.
My ex is not as fortunate, as she works part-time hours that include 2-3 evenings per week, and has a partner that works odd hours. They also live outside of the school area (by choice), so they do not get bus service. On her weeks with the kids, they basically drive the kids to school, and then one of them picks up the kids after school. They only have one vehicle.
My ex tried to find after-school care for the kids so that they would have to do less juggling. She was unable to find a provider, so for the last two years, she has let the kids catch their bus to my house on her weeks as well, where they are watched by my very understanding partner, and they are then picked up by my ex or her partner whenever either of them get off work. Sometimes it is 4:00p, other times, later in the evening. My partner hasn't minded, and I have enjoyed getting to see my kids a few hours extra here and there, since I am done work every day at 5:00pm, and they are not always picked up right away. (it depends on when my ex is done work)
The challenge was that my ex and her partner started changing plans at the last minute, became tardy on numerous occasions, and generally started taking things for granted, so they have been figuring out things on their own for after school, for the last three months. My ex messaged me three weeks ago saying that she "just couldn't take it anymore", and that she needed to put them in after school care.
The problem is that the providers she found insisted on her using them for both her weeks and my weeks. I informed her that I did not support that decision, as the kids had care available for them on my weeks, and I was not interested in paying for a service that I didn't need. I told her that we were willing to resume watching the kids for her after school, as long as her and her partner started giving us better notice about pickup times, and stopped being late for those times (my partner has a son and we have activities planned for him most nights, so late pickups really throw off our schedule)
My ex basically ignored my response for three weeks, and then reluctantly came forward and accepted my proposal, starting this week.
Thanks for reading this far - these things are rarely simple and quick to outline! My questions are:
1) We have 50-50, share custody, and our agreement says that we must mutually agree on all matters of religion, schooling, daycare, medical, etc., and use mediation to resolve the matter. Could she have simply enlisted the kids in the after school program, and then made me pay the costs regardless, or am I protected from this by our agreement?
2) She claimed that putting them in after school care for both of our weeks would put the kids first, I claimed that allowing them to catch the bus to my house consistently, at no cost to either of us, was best for them. My ex and partner get along fine, and my partner has also been the one to make sure that the kids do their homework right after school, every day. (yes, I know that I'm a lucky guy, and my kids are lucky too) So, being conscious that everyone has an opinion on this stuff, what do you guys think?
(and don't worry, I'm well aware that my ex loathes the fact that this results in the kids spending more time at my house, but I'm going to stubbornly say that it's still in their best interest to go to either parent's house consistently every day after school, rather than to an after-school daycare)
During my weeks, the kids get off the bus at my house, and are watched by my partner, who gets off work a half hour before they are done school.
My ex is not as fortunate, as she works part-time hours that include 2-3 evenings per week, and has a partner that works odd hours. They also live outside of the school area (by choice), so they do not get bus service. On her weeks with the kids, they basically drive the kids to school, and then one of them picks up the kids after school. They only have one vehicle.
My ex tried to find after-school care for the kids so that they would have to do less juggling. She was unable to find a provider, so for the last two years, she has let the kids catch their bus to my house on her weeks as well, where they are watched by my very understanding partner, and they are then picked up by my ex or her partner whenever either of them get off work. Sometimes it is 4:00p, other times, later in the evening. My partner hasn't minded, and I have enjoyed getting to see my kids a few hours extra here and there, since I am done work every day at 5:00pm, and they are not always picked up right away. (it depends on when my ex is done work)
The challenge was that my ex and her partner started changing plans at the last minute, became tardy on numerous occasions, and generally started taking things for granted, so they have been figuring out things on their own for after school, for the last three months. My ex messaged me three weeks ago saying that she "just couldn't take it anymore", and that she needed to put them in after school care.
The problem is that the providers she found insisted on her using them for both her weeks and my weeks. I informed her that I did not support that decision, as the kids had care available for them on my weeks, and I was not interested in paying for a service that I didn't need. I told her that we were willing to resume watching the kids for her after school, as long as her and her partner started giving us better notice about pickup times, and stopped being late for those times (my partner has a son and we have activities planned for him most nights, so late pickups really throw off our schedule)
My ex basically ignored my response for three weeks, and then reluctantly came forward and accepted my proposal, starting this week.
Thanks for reading this far - these things are rarely simple and quick to outline! My questions are:
1) We have 50-50, share custody, and our agreement says that we must mutually agree on all matters of religion, schooling, daycare, medical, etc., and use mediation to resolve the matter. Could she have simply enlisted the kids in the after school program, and then made me pay the costs regardless, or am I protected from this by our agreement?
2) She claimed that putting them in after school care for both of our weeks would put the kids first, I claimed that allowing them to catch the bus to my house consistently, at no cost to either of us, was best for them. My ex and partner get along fine, and my partner has also been the one to make sure that the kids do their homework right after school, every day. (yes, I know that I'm a lucky guy, and my kids are lucky too) So, being conscious that everyone has an opinion on this stuff, what do you guys think?
(and don't worry, I'm well aware that my ex loathes the fact that this results in the kids spending more time at my house, but I'm going to stubbornly say that it's still in their best interest to go to either parent's house consistently every day after school, rather than to an after-school daycare)
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