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Meddling Grandparents?

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  • #1
    My former family members remortgaged their house to fund their kid’s divorce in order to “stick it” to their former kid in law. It happens a lot.

    I would suggest you only respond to what you need and you keep the matter focused. If they are sending letters to your lawyer or sending you communication, you ignore it. If they are pushing for additional litigation you should have your lawyer set down only what is needed.

    There are no repercussions other than costs. You can’t stop them from being difficult. You can only change your approach.

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    • #2
      Originally posted by Brampton33 View Post
      What if it can be demonstrated that the grandparents are the gas to a burning fire? Or that the grandparents participate in alienating behaviours that are detrimental to the children and their relationship with the actual parents of the children. Would a court put some type of orders on the grandparents? Or limit their time? I guess what I am saying, is that if supervised access exists for parents, should there not be a type of 'supervised access' for grandparents who are the cause of turmoil?
      Supervised access exists where either parent poses a safety risk to the child(ren).

      Does your ex's parents pose a risk to your kids?

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      • #3
        Originally posted by Brampton33 View Post
        should there not be a type of 'supervised access' for grandparents who are the cause of turmoil?
        During parenting time, parents get to make parenting decisions. One big decision is "who gets to see the kid". If the parent is trusted with parenting time, then they are trusted to make appropriate parenting decisions.

        There are some rare exceptions (I think working dad's ex is not allowed to see her nephew or something crazy like that) but funding a court case is not going to be one of those exceptions.

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        • #4
          Also- it *sounds* like you are trying to manage your ex's relationship with her parents.

          Be careful about going after grandparents in court too. You look petty. My dad is a functional alcoholic. During our litigation- I was living with my parents; but at no point did I ever have my dad provide childcare for my daughter. My ex threatened, in co-parent counselling, to tell the OCL that I leave our daughter with an alcoholic. I shut that down REAL quick. He mentioned it again in a 4 way meeting with our lawyers- and my lawyer asked him "Isn't the only reason she's living there because her safety plan recommended she live with family. Aren't you the reason she needs a safety plan?"

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          • #5
            Meddling Grandparents?

            Your dealings are with the ex. Regardless of what her parents do, you deal with her. If your child is exhibiting questionable behaviour you deal with the ex. If you are concerned, you put it in writing and address it through your current matter.

            As far as alienating is concerned, there is a lot to be said on that and how you address the kids and their behaviour. There is also a lot to do with the age in this type of thing. There is a big difference between “interference” and “alienation”. Alienating “behaviour” is actually not the correct term. It’s not really a verb. They are either alienated or they are exhibiting signs of interference. Alienation is no contact physical or text. Full stop. Interference is disparaging you to the child or leading the child to believe you are unsafe or threatening and encouraging them to not spend time with you. If the child is saying stuff to you, there are things you can say in response. As long as you are still having your parenting time, this can be managed. It’s when the ex starts saying “kid doesn’t want to see you today and I’m not going to force them” that you need to take action to enforce your parenting time.

            I could go on with respect to this topic due to my many years as an alienated child, my husband’s alienation from his children, our combined 25 years of therapy and my extensive research on the topic. I strongly suggest you seek out therapy to assist you through dealing with alienation (my husband’s therapist taught him how to talk to the kids) as well as do your own research. A fantastic book I read was “A Family’s Heartbreak” by Mike Jeffries. It was really eye opening.

            The courts are only starting to deal with alienation via denial of access (they hesitate to identify it in writing) and you will not succeed with an argument about how your ex in laws are influencing the kids. All you can do is focus on making sure you see your kids and redirecting behaviour.

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