Thread: Here we are
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Old 10-15-2019, 10:18 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Well it was a holiday weekend which resulted in drama and I think it was handled accordingly but Iím still angry.

We still have not heard anything from her lawyer. She has received an offer to settle and a letter advising that her requests are completely unreasonable. Itís been two months now.

The drama came from his oldest who is in her 20s and should be more mature but nope. His last convo with her ended abruptly as he refused to sit and listen to her bs fed to her from his ex. True to form, kid believed mom lost the motion because the judge was wrong and mean. Despite this my husband has been trying to salvage any connection. He follows his therapy tools, sets boundaries, changes the subject and is assertive. Unfortunately his kids still believe the lies and play games with him over his refusal to ďaccept the truthĒ.

He tried to schedule some time over the holiday and kid pulled a stunt. He stood up to her and she didnít like that blaming him for the problems and basically saying he should be grateful she is even giving him the time of day. He gave it some thought and called her on her claims and pointed out that their problems are because she chooses to believe lies. It was a straight forward message that simply said if kid wants a healthy relationship she needs to stop regurgitating the lies. She called him crazy and cut off communication.

As you can expect I was really angry. First because he doesnít deserve this, second because there have been veiled comments that allude to him moving on with his life and abandoning them, third because he bends over backwards and still gets kicked in the teeth. A few weeks ago he told me he feels like Iím happy he has a shitty relationship with them which resulted in me blasting him for thinking I was doing anything but encouraging a positive and healthy relationship. He knows what he did was right due to his therapy, but sometimes he feels that it is wrong to not take their abuse. Itís still a connection is his reasoning.

I was an alienated kid. My childhood sucked. I know what it is like to be brainwashed. I try to balance my knowledge and experience and watching this shit play out. His kids are in their 20s. They are old enough to see through this bs. Instead they are so deep in what they think happened that they blame him for shit that didnít happen AND get angry at him for trying to have a relationship in spite of what they do to him.

Iím also angry because itís been almost ten years. You would think he would have been able to see the futility of spending his energy on them. He has hobbies, he is happy in our life together, he copes well but every now and then he gets sad about them, emails and gets hurt. No matter what I say or do, or what he has worked through in therapy, he falls back on it. Sometimes he thinks itís ok to be abused!

I donít have kids but I have been through difficult family situations where I have had to set hard limits and hold to them. I went years without family contact but was emotionally healthy. Does being a parent really mean self flagellation like this??

We are hitting the three year mark of this court mess with no movement. Itís starting to wear on us both.
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