Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Done- final minutes of settlement.

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Done- final minutes of settlement.

    Final minutes of settlement signed.

    Parenting:

    I have sole custody. No restrictions. I will consult with him on all major decisions about her health and before I register her in a new school. I agree that where there is disagreement, we use our PC. If we don’t agree- I have final say.

    We have a graduated parenting schedule that builds up to Wednesday nights, and EOW. All exchanges at school.

    Holidays split even-steven, starting when she’s 6.

    When she’s 5, he gets another afternoon for an after school activity- the activity has to be on mutual consent. He takes her, I pick up.

    We will meet with our PC every month during the transitional schedule and once a year thereafter. When she’s 6 we will reassess access with the help of our PC. But MOS specifically states that these meetings do not constitute a material change in circumstances (I don’t know why fuck his lawyer didn’t object to that language). But whatever, in my view that’s actually what these meetings are for. I would rather pay our PC than lawyers.

    Financial:

    Judges position- I have a shit legal case(D.O.M. deductions effed me big time- and just in general as being the breadwinner paying for everything), but a strong argument in equity. She told us both to compromise. My lawyer was luckily aggressive as fuck and made the suggestion that we split the amount and put the entire amount into an RESP for D3. To be in both our names. For post secondary, the RESP will be deducted off the top. The remainder is a section 7 expense.

    Judge told my ex to STRONGLY consider that a reasonable compromise.

    So 60k apart. 30k from my ex’s share of the proceeds of the house goes to D3’s RESP.

    Section 7s split 60/40. Two activities are included- up to $2000 a year. Anything beyond the 2 activities and medical and dental must be on consent.

    And that’s all she wrote.

    I thought I’d feel happier. I’m not. Just sad. But I am bit hopeful for our daughter.

  • #2
    Thank you guys so much. All of you. This site has been truly invaluable to me. I’m not naive, I know this is only the beginning. But there’s so much experience and great advice to be had here.

    Comment


    • #3
      More than likely its sadness from the end of the entire thing and your adrenaline through it all.

      You did good. Get some rest and find something positive to focus your energy on. In a week or so you will move past this low point and be happier.

      Comment


      • #4
        well done !

        now you can move forward

        enjoy yourself ! treat yourself !

        Comment


        • #5
          You don't feel it now, but a month from now you will realize that you are much more relaxed. I didn't feel it right away either, probably a bit of denial that it was actually over

          Comment


          • #6
            Happy for you!! My mess is still ongoing.. got the most ridiculous offer to settle today... so frustrating. At this point I would rather a judge make our order. That is how bad the offer was...

            I am glad you got it done. Hmm maybe I should ask for a parenting coordinator. Maybe they would help my ex actually make decisions on his own regarding our kids.



            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
              Happy for you!! My mess is still ongoing.. got the most ridiculous offer to settle today... so frustrating. At this point I would rather a judge make our order. That is how bad the offer was...

              I am glad you got it done. Hmm maybe I should ask for a parenting coordinator. Maybe they would help my ex actually make decisions on his own regarding our kids.



              Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


              PCs aren’t for everyone. It wasn’t mediation, so the good thing was that I didn’t need my ex to be reasonable. She honestly didn’t care about what my ex wanted and viewed my fears and concerns through a limited lens. It was her saying - this is what’s in D3s best interest. And we both listened. And it was a lot cheaper than lawyers. She was expensive at $275/hr. But we split it and I had most of mine covered by my insurance because she was registered therapist.


              Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

              Comment


              • #8
                Wow nice!! My ex actually put he wants one or mediation again before we can bring custody or access back to court. This coming from the man that says he is broke and can’t afford anything. Maybe I should agree to that clause and say the person who doesn’t agree (which will be him) can pay the bill. If I can find one that’s a registered therapist I am sure she would see what my ex has offered is off the wall and not in kids best interest. He basically wants to shake their whole world and schedule upside down after 6 years of a schedule that works and a judge who told him nothing will change... no joint. Maybe some minor tweaking if anything. I just can’t believe any lawyer would sign their name to what he sent. That’s how awful it is.

                He disputed the OCL.. and it’s not even slightly in line with what ocl recommended either. Just blows my mind.


                Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
                  Happy for you!! My mess is still ongoing.. got the most ridiculous offer to settle today... so frustrating. At this point I would rather a judge make our order. That is how bad the offer was...

                  I am glad you got it done. Hmm maybe I should ask for a parenting coordinator. Maybe they would help my ex actually make decisions on his own regarding our kids.



                  Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                  You've already done one settlement conference, right?

                  Just keep pushing to trial. Don't waste money on correspondence through the lawyers.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
                    You've already done one settlement conference, right?



                    Just keep pushing to trial. Don't waste money on correspondence through the lawyers.


                    We have another settlement conference again sept. Which I think is a waste. With the same judge who already told dad to basically go fly a kite... so what is point of another one. Like these people really are insane and I am starting to wonder about their judgement.

                    He put that he wants to be able to make an emergency medical decision without my knowing and only have to tell me two hours after the fact? If kids are in his care?? Like he can’t even compose an email(he admits this himself to OCL). Has a processing delay or disorder that everyone three diff therapists and ocl told him to see a neurologist. And he think I would even consider this bs?? I am sure a judge would laugh. He has never had to make one single decision for our kids ever. When he is asked which he always has been. he gives no input.

                    Just the dumbest offer I have ever seen.

                    Puts I must notify him 2 days in advance if the kids are sick before his access. ?? Lol

                    Or first right of refusal after 9 hours. I must give him 36 hrs notice that I need a sitter and he has 48 hrs to respond. If he ignores I can make my own arrangements. Lol. It actually says that. If he ignores. Clearly he can’t do simple math either.

                    So many other dumb things.

                    Week on week off during the summer. Plus he gets two weeks vacation on top of those weeks. So that leaves me with what?? Two weeks all summer?? He wants the kids left with his partner and her 3 kids so he doesn’t have to pay for daycare or camp. Which they have attended the last 5 years...

                    I know most of it won’t fly... just the audacity to even write this stuff on paper just floors me.


                    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Remember its an offer. Just because he says it doesn’t mean it will happen. You could have offered no access, more money and all decisions on you. The point of an offer is to insulate you against costs. You gave him a reasonable offer. Like I said offline, deep breath. You go to your next SC and the judge can hammer him. Hopefully the judge pushes him to agree to a reasonable settlement and then he just goes away.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Hopefully the judge will spend more time with us this time as there was only a stern “you don’t want this to go to trial talk”. I just feel like next SC is waste of money


                        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
                          He put that he wants to be able to make an emergency medical decision without my knowing and only have to tell me two hours after the fact? If kids are in his care??
                          This one actually doesn’t seem unreasonable.... My interpretation of it is that he knows that you have sole custody (and sole decision making powers) and wants to be able to make **emergency** medical decisions if shit hits the fan while kids are with him and you are unavailable. I would want the same thing. What if one of the kids is in some sort of freak accident and an immediate decision needs to be made on how to proceed at the hospital? If you aren’t there/not responding, you can’t really expect everyone to twiddle their thumbs and wait. I’d be giving him this one.


                          By the way- congrats Iona, this must be a huge relief for you!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Self Rep mom... that’s not what it says though. It says he only needs to make me aware of an emergency or and emergency decision within two hours of it happening. How about he puts...

                            He will contact the mother right away... and if she is unreachable then these are the next steps he could take.

                            Just like they are saying they have health benefits for our kids now that are free. And I can cancel my paid ones, so dad is off the hook for paying half. but still refuse to tell me plan provider what and how much is covered.

                            Also that he has gone out and purchased life insurance for the boys that is costing him 44$ a month for both kids when our agreement says he is to pay half of the premium for the plan they have had since birth. His half is $12.40. A month. Yet he says he is broke and can’t afford to pay Sect 7’s. He does everything to spite me. I never even asked for half of life insurance premiums in my offer to settle and left out camp/ daycare as well. He owes me $5k now. And has offered $1200. Guess that’s better than the 0$ in his first offer.

                            Sorry to highjack your thread Iona.


                            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Mom 2 Two View Post
                              Self Rep mom... that’s not what it says though. It says he only needs to make me aware of an emergency or and emergency decision within two hours of it happening. How about he puts...

                              He will contact the mother right away... and if she is unreachable then these are the next steps he could take.
                              Then reword it so it makes more sense to you, and include it in your next offer.

                              In your ex’s/his lawyer’s eyes though, it probably already does make sense. I’m guessing the clause says something along the lines of “NCP is able to make emergency medical decisions on his parenting time and must inform the CP within 2 hours”. That’s nothing to get hung up on, and still seems fairly reasonable to me (plus have you ever been in a serious medical emergency with your kid? By the time you perform first aid/call 911/rush to hospital/talk to doctor/make sure kid is stable, an hour or two has probably flown by- and all your adrenaline will let you focus on is your kid. I’d actually prefer if my ex took an hour or two to focus on making sure my kid is in competent medical hands and ok before calling me, because let’s face it, my presence probably isn’t going to make much of a difference. It might reassure me/my kid, but medically speaking, my presence will make no difference)
                              If you want to get even more technical and explain the steps your ex must take during an emergency then reword and send back (although unless your kids are high risk like Iona’s, this is probably unnecessary) I wouldn’t completely laugh this one off as ridiculous though.

                              Comment

                              Our Divorce Forums
                              Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                              Working...
                              X