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  • Communication with new wife

    Question for a relative...

    Separated from ex fiancé for two years, two children 50-50 following 2-2-5 schedule.

    Communication was always between mom and dad either text or email, sometimes over the phone... it wasn’t perfect on either end all the time but for the most part they were both civil. However there were some times where Dad would try and get sexual in nature in his texts with mom and mom blew this off. It was then found out that Dad had also been sending sexual messages to a few mutual friends... a month ago the new wife found these messages on Dads phone and since has told mom that she is NOT to contact Dad regarding anything, including the children... any communication is to go through her.

    Mom has continued to email Dad but a response always comes from the new wife’s email, mom turns around and responds to Dads personal email and once again gets a response from new wife. Mom has advised Dad she will not be speaking to new wife regarding their children. New wife has responded with a massive email stating they have spoken to their lawyer and Dad speaking to mom isn’t good for Dads well being and as such mom can only communicate through new wife. Mom would like to write another email stating that she is blocking new wife’s email and will only communicate through Dads personal email (knowing full well new wife will still be the one responding) but she doesn’t want to be corresponding through new wife’s email. If it’s through Dads email and he chooses to allow new wife to respond he cannot later state he never received the emails because Mom only communicated through new wife.

    Does mom have any other options here? New wife has always been super demeaning to Mom in all her communications and Mom really just doesn’t want to deal with the new wife. New wife has stated because she’s the step mother she has just as much rights to make decisions for the children as mom and dad do and crap like that (which we know is simply not true)... mom just wants to communicate what needs to be with Dad and not have the drama dealing with the new wife.

    For clarity... they have an unwitnessed parenting plan they have been following since about a month after separation. Any communication is about changes to schedule... like this week one child was sick so mom stayed home and emailed dad to let him know child was sick so both kids were with her for the day (other child doesn’t go to school just daycare) and to let her know when he would like her to drop the kids off or when he would like to pick them up. The response from the new wife was ranting about how mom didn’t have the authority to make that decision without speaking to them to determine how sick child was and that they would not be picking children up due to her laziness (not sending child to school and daycare) and mom could drop them off at X time... called Mom “little girl”, “lazy”, “would get her eyes open soon”, etc.


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  • #2
    Jesus.

    What about our family wizard?

    She should just ignore. If kids are sick she should still try to drive them or follow whatever schedule. Or just send an email stating where pick up is etc.

    As frustrating and hurtful as this is, an unreasonable person cannot be reasoned with. Mom needs to simply reiterate that she will not be reading any emails sent by WIFE and if she persists she will be blocked. If her ex husband doesnt have the balls to deal with his new wife thats not her problem.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
      Question for a relative...

      Separated from ex fiancé for two years, two children 50-50 following 2-2-5 schedule.

      Communication was always between mom and dad either text or email, sometimes over the phone... it wasn’t perfect on either end all the time but for the most part they were both civil. However there were some times where Dad would try and get sexual in nature in his texts with mom and mom blew this off. It was then found out that Dad had also been sending sexual messages to a few mutual friends... a month ago the new wife found these messages on Dads phone and since has told mom that she is NOT to contact Dad regarding anything, including the children... any communication is to go through her.

      Mom has continued to email Dad but a response always comes from the new wife’s email, mom turns around and responds to Dads personal email and once again gets a response from new wife. Mom has advised Dad she will not be speaking to new wife regarding their children. New wife has responded with a massive email stating they have spoken to their lawyer and Dad speaking to mom isn’t good for Dads well being and as such mom can only communicate through new wife. Mom would like to write another email stating that she is blocking new wife’s email and will only communicate through Dads personal email (knowing full well new wife will still be the one responding) but she doesn’t want to be corresponding through new wife’s email. If it’s through Dads email and he chooses to allow new wife to respond he cannot later state he never received the emails because Mom only communicated through new wife.

      Does mom have any other options here? New wife has always been super demeaning to Mom in all her communications and Mom really just doesn’t want to deal with the new wife. New wife has stated because she’s the step mother she has just as much rights to make decisions for the children as mom and dad do and crap like that (which we know is simply not true)... mom just wants to communicate what needs to be with Dad and not have the drama dealing with the new wife.

      For clarity... they have an unwitnessed parenting plan they have been following since about a month after separation. Any communication is about changes to schedule... like this week one child was sick so mom stayed home and emailed dad to let him know child was sick so both kids were with her for the day (other child doesn’t go to school just daycare) and to let her know when he would like her to drop the kids off or when he would like to pick them up. The response from the new wife was ranting about how mom didn’t have the authority to make that decision without speaking to them to determine how sick child was and that they would not be picking children up due to her laziness (not sending child to school and daycare) and mom could drop them off at X time... called Mom “little girl”, “lazy”, “would get her eyes open soon”, etc.


      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
      That's hilarious, like rockscan said I would use OFW, no emails or text. Dealing with anyone else other than dad would invite for conflict.

      If dad is not mature enough to stick strictly with his children's issues and nothing else then it's his problem. He has to deal with it, not his partner, plain and simple.

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      • #4
        There really shouldn't be a need for so much communication. Perhaps they need a better parenting plan in place.

        If your ex said to use the other email address, then I would just send it there and cc ex's other email address as well. Just make sure to always address your ex each time. Then make use of b.i.f.f. in the future.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by rockscan View Post
          Jesus.

          What about our family wizard?

          She should just ignore. If kids are sick she should still try to drive them or follow whatever schedule. Or just send an email stating where pick up is etc.

          As frustrating and hurtful as this is, an unreasonable person cannot be reasoned with. Mom needs to simply reiterate that she will not be reading any emails sent by WIFE and if she persists she will be blocked. If her ex husband doesnt have the balls to deal with his new wife thats not her problem.


          Mom offered OFW and it was turned down... Dad was fine with email until wife found his message. Mom
          Isn’t hurt by it just super annoyed her ex can’t communicate about the children and that the wife is dictating that all communication go through her


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          • #6
            Originally posted by StillPaying View Post
            There really shouldn't be a need for so much communication. Perhaps they need a better parenting plan in place.



            If your ex said to use the other email address, then I would just send it there and cc ex's other email address as well. Just make sure to always address your ex each time. Then make use of b.i.f.f. in the future.


            Unfortunately when children are sick or there are snow days or what not communication needs to happen. How would dad know children wouldn’t be at daycare because they were sick of mom didn’t communicate that? How
            Would mom know a good time to drop the kids off if she didn’t ask? Sometimes dad picks them up at 4pm from daycare some times it’s 6pm depending on his work schedule so mom needs to communicate to determine when someone will be available to transfer the kids.

            It was never Dad that asked this email be used... she hasn’t heard from dad since wife found his text messages... randomly one day she got an email from his wife saying not to email dad anymore all communication is to go through her only. Yes moms aware a better parenting plan is needed but that’s not so easy when dad won’t communicate and really their schedules work fine, it’s this demand that the wife be the middleman which is causing issues.

            Mom would just like to block wife’s email and let dad know she won’t be responding to any emails that don’t come from dads account


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            • #7
              Is dad reading her emails and dealing with the issues within them? If yes then She should send them both an email and let them know she is not a part of their marriage and their marital issues do not involve her. That she is legally obligated to communicate with the children’s father NOT his new wife. That she will not read or review any emails from the wife. She will ONLY communicate with the children’s father.

              Then she puts the wife on block, ignores anything that comes in and deals directly with her ex husband. If he doesn’t pick up the kids or deal with his parenting time then thats his problem. She can simply bring them to her house or keep them and be done with it.

              If he doesn’t respond/read her emails then he needs to be told face to face if possible that the communications issues are his to fix.

              Theres really two issues here—dealing with the new wife and dealing with the shared parenting. Stopping communication or ignoring the new wife is easy. Figuring out how to parent with a man who can’t handle his shit is difficult.

              Comment


              • #8
                A proper parenting plan would take care of most of their issues. Having a set schedule helps and it doesn't matter what, but either something could happen to school, daycare, parents or child; what should we do...

                Why prolong the drama - or at least respond with a sexual nature to make it fun. Pretend new wife is dad's lawyer, who cares, and continue emailing them both. No need to stress that the same message should be sent from a different email address, and a motion really wouldn't help you.

                If mom has already been communicating with this email address and this is dad's only communication, then it's hard to block it now.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by StillPaying View Post
                  A proper parenting plan would take care of most of their issues. Having a set schedule helps and it doesn't matter what, but either something could happen to school, daycare, parents or child; what should we do...



                  Why prolong the drama - or at least respond with a sexual nature to make it fun. Pretend new wife is dad's lawyer, who cares, and continue emailing them both. No need to stress that the same message should be sent from a different email address, and a motion really wouldn't help you.



                  If mom has already been communicating with this email address and this is dad's only communication, then it's hard to block it now.


                  You are truly missing the point... they have a parenting plan, it works and it was working until wife got involved... please explain what else can be in a parenting plan to make is easier? It only works if both follow. Is dad supposed to be a mind reader that the kids are home sick? You’re not making any sense...

                  Mom has no desire to communicate with the wife, nor does she have to. When she emails dad and says “kid is home sick today. Would you like me to drop her off or would you like to pick her up?” And she gets a response from wife’s email saying she is lazy and had no authority to keep kid home without speaking to them first, how is this helpful? Wife is the one full of drama. Mom can’t keep her emails any shorter. If wife’s emails include something mom needs to respond to she responds back to Dads email, not his wife’s.

                  A couple weeks ago mom suggested dad keep the kids on the Sunday nights on his weekends and drop off at daycare in the morning that way there are no face to face exchanges... wife wrote back and said absolutely not that doesn’t work for them... that night the wife dropped the kids off at Moms house and as soon as mom opened the door wife said “look at you it’s no wonder you’re still single”... laughed and walked away... Mom doesn’t care what wife thinks of her but does she have to subject herself to this type of talk every time there is something going on with the children?

                  Wife is at dads lawyer, she has no legal grounds to the children, just because her husband is a cheater (btw Dad cheated on mom with wife so it’s not like she didn’t know he was a cheater before she married him!)


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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                    Is dad reading her emails and dealing with the issues within them? If yes then She should send them both an email and let them know she is not a part of their marriage and their marital issues do not involve her. That she is legally obligated to communicate with the children’s father NOT his new wife. That she will not read or review any emails from the wife. She will ONLY communicate with the children’s father.

                    Then she puts the wife on block, ignores anything that comes in and deals directly with her ex husband. If he doesn’t pick up the kids or deal with his parenting time then thats his problem. She can simply bring them to her house or keep them and be done with it.

                    If he doesn’t respond/read her emails then he needs to be told face to face if possible that the communications issues are his to fix.

                    Theres really two issues here—dealing with the new wife and dealing with the shared parenting. Stopping communication or ignoring the new wife is easy. Figuring out how to parent with a man who can’t handle his shit is difficult.


                    Dad doesn’t deal with anything... wife does... wife has done the last couple drop offs/pick ups, wife sends all responses to Mom.


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                    • #11
                      Question for a relative...
                      I understand you're involved and your viewpoint. Mom shouldn't be spoken to like that, but she can only ignore it. She can block the email, and get newwifenewemail address, but she'll still end up with new wife's replies. So what can she do really... teach her biff and to ignore.

                      Mom can’t keep her emails any shorter
                      Does dad normally pick up child from daycare. Just email that kid is home sick and can be picked up at your place. No need to be nice or the back and forth. No reply needed.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        She may want to speak with the local police about a peace bond or harassment claim. But thats only if it bothers her that much. Clearly the new wife is bothered by the messages her husband sent to his ex wife and is only doing this to get back at her. She sounds very petty and VERY immature.

                        There is really nothing she can do outside of ignoring her. I wouldn’t ask anything in her emails. Simply send an “advise” email.

                        Kid is home from school and can be picked up here at 4 pm.
                        You are welcome to keep the children to 7 pm this evening.
                        Please deliver the children to x address at x time.

                        Etc.

                        If she doesn’t want a response or nasty message, don’t open the door. There are also good books on how to deal with difficult people. Eventually this woman will find someone else to abuse.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Unfortunately not opening the door wasn’t an option when her children were being dropped off. This lady is off the wall in many ways... she has two different assault charges against her, has been removed from job sites by the police, and other things... Moms just worried about the peace bond affecting her children.

                          She will just continue emailing Dad about any issues and when wife sends a massive email she will continue to ignore like she has been. It’s the Sunday drop off/pick ups that are difficult because wife won’t allow dad to do them, she says only SHE will be doing drop off and pick ups and they have refused to keep the kids Sunday nights to prevent exchanges.


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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by StillPaying View Post
                            I understand you're involved and your viewpoint. Mom shouldn't be spoken to like that, but she can only ignore it. She can block the email, and get newwifenewemail address, but she'll still end up with new wife's replies. So what can she do really... teach her biff and to ignore.







                            Does dad normally pick up child from daycare. Just email that kid is home sick and can be picked up at your place. No need to be nice or the back and forth. No reply needed.


                            Mom is as short as she can be in her emails. Kid is home sick, do you want to pick up or have me drop off? unfortunately in the past when she has just said I will drop off at X time she receives nasty emails about how it’s not up to her to dictate terms.

                            Dad (well wife) picks up kids Wednesday, Thursday and EO Friday from day care but if the kids don’t go to daycare Wednesday because they are sick mom has to let dad know they won’t be there for pick up. As I stated, the time the kids are picked up vary weekly depending on their work schedule so it’s not as simple as saying I’ll drop off at 5pm or 6pm if Dad was planning on picking them up from day care at 4pm


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                            • #15
                              Like I said, this woman is simply pissed about her husbands behaviour and is jealous and acting inappropriately. The only thing mom can do is ignore it. Eventually this woman will find a new victim. What if your friend agreed to them keeping the kids to Monday morning and dropping them at school?

                              The peace bond would prevent the wife from being on moms property which means dad would be forced to drop them off or she would have to let them out and not go to the door.

                              How old are the kids?

                              Comment

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