Newbie-- im a sponge--

[Pursuinghappiness]

have been separated with my baby’s mother for 3.5-4 years now and we have a 50/50 arrangement. We had a written agreement but she took me to court after that was signed.

What process was used to determine custody the first time? Did you guys mediate, did you have a custody assessement and/or trial or did you just reach an agreement before a trial?

Also, during the initial custody battle, did you bring up this mental illness and was it reviewed?

And her sisters daughter is a now cross gender man/woman.

lol...What connection does this have to her supposed mental illness? Being gay, lesbian, transgendered, etc is not a mental disorder. That was actually pretty offensive and bigoted.

Is his mothers mental illness something that is genetic? Could he be having symptoms of that?

Or maybe he's acting out because he's got two divorced parents who can't come to a reasonable custody arrangement and are trashing each other and at each other's throats.

I'm very curious if she was evaluated during the first custody agreement for parental fitness due to this supposed mental disorder. I'm curious as to why it was overlooked or whether it was reviewed at all.

[Straittohell]

I will stop copy n paste... so I just press the quote ( gray button ) ???


And no -- I have not taken her to court. This is the first time of denial

Yes, the Quote button is best. If you don't want to quote the entire message, press the Quote button, but you will see that you can delete whatever you want within the Quote brackets that look like this: [ ]

If she does this again, and you have documented emails showing her protest of the matter, you need to take the matter to court.

[Straittohell]

What process was used to determine custody the first time? Did you guys mediate, did you have a custody assessement and/or trial or did you just reach an agreement before a trial?

Also, during the initial custody battle, did you bring up this mental illness and was it reviewed?



lol...What connection does this have to her supposed mental illness? Being gay, lesbian, transgendered, etc is not a mental disorder. That was actually pretty offensive and bigoted.



Or maybe he's acting out because he's got two divorced parents who can't come to a reasonable custody arrangement and are trashing each other and at each other's throats.

I'm very curious if she was evaluated during the first custody agreement for parental fitness due to this supposed mental disorder. I'm curious as to why it was overlooked or whether it was reviewed at all.

You might be reading too much into what the OP is saying about the transgendered. As far as you know, the OP is simply pointing out that there is a lot of change and confusion in the little guy's life, and the new reality of someone close experiencing a gender identity clarification might add to the child's stress.

I think you were a bit quick to jump on the 'why' he might have mentioned it, and it wasn't fair to presume it was coming form a bigoted place.

[Pursuinghappiness]

You might be reading too much into what the OP is saying about the transgendered. As far as you know, the OP is simply pointing out that there is a lot of change and confusion in the little guy's life, and the new reality of someone close experiencing a gender identity clarification might add to the child's stress.

I think you were a bit quick to jump on the 'why' he might have mentioned it, and it wasn't fair to presume it was coming form a bigoted place.

Uh...actually I read exactly what he said. Another poster asked if there was a history of mental illness in the family and he responded with that.

If you're suggesting that this kid is whacking people in the back of the head and stealing IPODs because his ex's niece is transgendered, I'm sorry but that's a load of crap.

I have many gay friends that are raising extremely brilliant well-behaved kids...one of those parents is transgendered and I find what this poster said bigoted and offensive. Being transgendered is not a mental illness and has nothing to do with a family history of mental illness ....period. Its irrelevant, has no connection to the subject matter and should have never been mentioned in this context period.

If you want relevance, however, look up the child behavioral statistics on kids with bickering, flaming divorced parents who regularly bash each other in front of the kid. That would be relevant to this discussion.

[Straittohell]

Uh...actually I read exactly what he said. Another poster asked if there was a history of mental illness in the family and he responded with that.

If you're suggesting that this kid is whacking people in the back of the head and stealing IPODs because his ex's niece is transgendered, I'm sorry but that's a load of crap.

I have many gay friends that are raising extremely brilliant well-behaved kids...one of those parents is transgendered and I find what this poster said bigoted and offensive. Being transgendered is not a mental illness and has nothing to do with a family history of mental illness ....period. Its irrelevant, has no connection to the subject matter and should have never been mentioned in this context period.

If you want relevance, however, look up the child behavioral statistics on kids with bickering, flaming divorced parents who regularly bash each other in front of the kid. That would be relevant to this discussion.

I have no doubt that the primary cause of the child's distress is the high conflict relationship between mom and dad.

I just won't understand how these two sentences:

"Yes her mother is a Hoarder. And her sisters daughter is a now cross gender man/woman.:

Automatically make the guy a bigot for mentioning it. I would have loved it if he explained the relevance of mentioning these things, but he didn't, and you inferred that he was raising it in judgement, while I inferred that he was simply stating that the kid has a lot of change going on in his life.

The point is, neither one of us can say exactly why the OP mentioned this, I would just rather wait for him to explain it, rather than drawing conclusions that he is a bigot.

[AikidoWins]

[QUOTE=Pursuinghappiness;186509]

What process was used to determine custody the first time? Did you guys mediate, did you have a custody assessement and/or trial or did you just reach an agreement before a trial?

We were very civil throughout the breakup and agreed to not go through court. I was in love with her and was helping out as much as I could-- turns out that the agreement was made ( not under any duress ) and I had soul custody at the time because the apartment that she moved into was infested in FLEAS, therefore-- I was not allowing our son to spend the night. Until the apartment was professionally cleaned, and provided proof to me. BUT -- this is where her father stepped in and convinced your to serve me papers asking for soul custody. But the judge didn't grant that because of the written agreement.

[AikidoWins]

[QUOTE=Pursuinghappiness;186509]

lol...What connection does this have to her supposed mental illness? Being gay, lesbian, transgendered, etc is not a mental disorder. That was actually pretty offensive and bigoted.



the child in question has ADHD, ADD Depression-- they are the reason that has pushed her choice to be wanting to become a man.

[AikidoWins]

"Yes her mother is a Hoarder. And her sisters daughter is a now cross gender man/woman.:

Hoarding is a mental illness as well as the child in question... I was asked if mental illness was genetic .. SO-- yes is the answer-- in her family

[Straittohell]

[QUOTE=Mittzu;186529]

lol...What connection does this have to her supposed mental illness? Being gay, lesbian, transgendered, etc is not a mental disorder. That was actually pretty offensive and bigoted.



the child in question has ADHD, ADD Depression-- they are the reason that has pushed her choice to be wanting to become a man.

Thanks for clarifying. I've never heard of ADHD and Depression being associated with causing someone to want to switch genders.

Are you actually hearing this from a medical professional or just voicing your own opinions?

Usually, those undergoing gender transition develop depression due to the stress of the change, and the reactions of people that clearly don't understand what they're going through.

I still struggling to understand the transgendered persons connection to your son, and how they are contributing to the problems.

[AikidoWins]

[QUOTE=Straittohell;186532]

I still struggling to understand the transgendered persons connection to your son, and how they are contributing to the problems.

It has nothing to do with our son and what hes going through-- ZERO. I was asked if mental illness ran in the family-- SO, I used the two main people directly related to my ex, that she spends time with our son.

The issues that the child was going through stemmed from the illnesses but YES- their was a lot of things happening around her at the time of her change-

Please--- can we get back to the main post-- I have direct proof that my ex has multiple illness, ( ADHD, Depression, OCD and Dyslexia ) and the patterns in behaviour are escalating into why I am here. I need help -advice on what can I do ..

[Straittohell]

[QUOTE=Mittzu;186534]

It has nothing to do with our son and what hes going through-- ZERO. I was asked if mental illness ran in the family-- SO, I used the two main people directly related to my ex, that she spends time with our son.

The issues that the child was going through stemmed from the illnesses but YES- their was a lot of things happening around her at the time of her change-

Please--- can we get back to the main post-- I have direct proof that my ex has multiple illness, ( ADHD, Depression, OCD and Dyslexia ) and the patterns in behaviour are escalating into why I am here. I need help -advice on what can I do ..

I have a friend whose ex has a documented history of mental illness. It is not easy for it to be proven, documented, and referenced due to privacy concerns. You will need to talk to a proper lawyer to find out how this information would be best utilized by the court to determine a material change.

[AikidoWins]

After re-reading the thread -- I am thinking I might just take the high road and find her more help and work with her more instead of wasting more energy, time, money and emotion. Maybe I just need to breath, step back and understand that she is struggling, and help her instead of making this worst.
I will find a local mediator and set up a time for the 3 of us to sit down. Work on a written co-parent plan that will help our son. Plus-- I will try and help her with her life, and try and put myself in her shoes ( like I have done so many times) and help.

I am very thankful for all the advice and you have proved to me that this is an amazing site-- THANK YOU

[Straittohell]

After re-reading the thread -- I am thinking I might just take the high road and find her more help and work with her more instead of wasting more energy, time, money and emotion. Maybe I just need to breath, step back and understand that she is struggling, and help her instead of making this worst.
I will find a local mediator and set up a time for the 3 of us to sit down. Work on a written co-parent plan that will help our son. Plus-- I will try and help her with her life, and try and put myself in her shoes ( like I have done so many times) and help.

I am very thankful for all the advice and you have proved to me that this is an amazing site-- THANK YOU

You're most welcome. I have a lot of empathy for you. My ex and I do well for the most part, but I have days where I struggle a bit with how she acts as well. I just remind myself that I love my kids more than I dislike my ex.

[AikidoWins]

I love my boy and hate to see him go through this difficult time,

Next steps: thoughts?

[Straittohell]

Thoughts? Not much, to be honest. Keep being patient, keep being a force of stability in your son's life. Wash, rinse, and repeat.