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Old 10-10-2012, 09:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
I've been working a lot the past little bit so I haven't been on much but while goofing off on my lunch hour today...I'm reading some previous forum posts and noticing a pattern.

The pattern being the number of posters who come into the forum with their minds already made up about their position being the only right one.

Its somewhat interesting to see the progression of the thread when the described poster begins to realize that everyone else in the world might not see things their exact way. You see some common statements made..things like, ie:

1. You're all bitter and spiteful and have a chip on your shoulders...
2. I should have never bothered asking advice on some unqualified divorce forum....
3. You don't know the whole story...(often followed by a litany of irrelevant emotional background details)...

...and then my personal favorite...

4. I'm going to prevail anyway!!

I know that this mentality is probably very commonplace for those with control issues. The overwhelming belief that despite what anyone says...THEY ARE RIGHT! I'm sometimes not even sure if they read or comprehend the contrary point of view that they're given.

They often believe that they are the GATEKEEPER of the kids even pre-separation agreement when Canadian Divorce Law clearly states assumed 50/50 custody (or where sole custody orders exacerbate the condition because they often don't understand what sole custody means)...they need to micromanage their kids and their ex...they have over-involvement in details of their ex's lives, particularly the obsessive need to know every detail of their ex's romantic life....the need to be validated (ie, everything I say is right) and when they aren't, the resulting vehement anger.

Obviously these types don't come to the forum for advice...they come here for validation of their "right-fighter" position. They truly don't understand their involvement in the ongoing conflict. They easily justify their own selfishness using their children at any opportunity.

Its just very bizarre and a little disturbing to me how many of these types that there are. You have to worry how awful it must be for a kid to have a parent/parents who are so self-absorbed and self-serving that they become blind to even impartial and fair advice.
You have a valid point, but consider that most people going through this (I would hope) truly believe they are in the right. They may not have any knowledge of Law, but from their perspective they are therefore doing the right thing by persuing their claims.

This board is invaluable for the reality check that some people need, but the courts exisit for the very reason of determining whom is 'right' and who is 'wrong' in a (somewhat) civilized fashion.

Furthermore, what is 'right' in one situation is not always 'right' in another.

It is a difficult path to navigate when one frst embarks on the emotional roller-coaster of divorce and custodial life events. Let's not be too harsh on them.