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What R Children's rights to privacy/sleeping arrangements?

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  • What R Children's rights to privacy/sleeping arrangements?

    [COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR
    Children ages 14-boy, 12-girl and partners child
    Age 12-boy.
    My ex just left a common-law relationship
    duration of 3 months. Two weeks later he meets a
    woman with a son, age 12 and by 6 weeks moves
    in with them. Her home has one bedroom with
    a very small finished basement. Their first
    Weekend my son slept in the mainfloor hallway
    and my daughter was in the basement on an
    airmattress on the floor near her sons bed.
    Prior to them going I approached my ex
    Stating that I would like to see the accomodations
    he has planned for the children that include
    Privacy and comfort. He lashed back telling me
    My request was inappropriate and that he would
    take legal action if I withheld them . What ARE
    the rights of children when it comes to sleeping
    arrangements and privacy, safety and "proper"
    bedding??

  • #2
    your request was inappropriate, I agree with him. You have no right to inspect the place he is living. That is invading his privacy and his time with the kids. Maybe the first weekend wasn't ideal for sleeping arrangements but it does take time to get it all sorted. Does he have them 50% or is it an EOW setup? Maybe he is doing the best he can do after paying out money for CS and whatever.

    Comment


    • #3
      My ex tried the same thing, she wanted pictures showing the placement of my possessions in my apartment to prove it was satisfactory to her liking for my son to sleep over. It is very inappropriate. You should not withhold the children for this or any other reason short of immediate physical harm.

      This sounds like a temporary situation but depending on the details temporary may mean anything from a few weeks to a few years. Due to my ex's vindictive, dishonest misrepresentation of her finances it will be years before I will ever be able to afford to have a place where my son can have his own space. She put me in this position she has absolutely no right to complain about my accommodations until she's willing to support herself and let me have enough of my salary to do better.

      Comment


      • #4
        You should be able to voice concerns and discuss this new situation with your ex. You are different people and should come together to raise the kids in a way that works for both of you.

        That being said, you probably approached it wrong by demanding that you be satisfied with the their 'privacy and comfort'. Ultimately it is his decision to be made if you can't agree, so you should approach it that way. This means you must be open to his input on what happens when the kids are with you.

        You need to understand that when the kids are with him, it is his parenting that takes precedence, and you need to leave the relationship between them. Asking questions and stating concerns in a non judgmental or controlling way is of course reasonable. It sounds like you were not reasonable however in your approach.

        Comment


        • #5
          But the kids' safety and security always come before the feelings of the parents.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by beebie View Post
            But the kids' safety and security always come before the feelings of the parents.
            Safety and security in this case is subjective, so it comes back to what the parent in charge thinks.

            Comment


            • #7
              At 12 & 14 the kids are old enough to voice their displeasure with the arrangements themselves. Perhaps if they are talking to you about it, rather than you trying to speak to him about it, encourage the kids to talk to him about it. If the kids are NOT talking to you about it - other than mentioning that this is the arrangement - then maybe it doesn't bother them either and you should let it go.

              Comment


              • #8
                I acknowledge your point but I doubt if safety is not covered by Health and Safety legislation, building and fire codes, and some kind of child welfare legislation relating to supervision. Really need a definitive answer on this. For example, law dictates a car seat before anyone can take a baby home from the hospital.

                It cannot be subjective because some people lock their kids in their rooms for "safety". I do agree with you that aside from legislated bare minimums that the discretion of the responsible parent would prevail . I am sure a concerned parent could check with their child welfare office or local social worker.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by beebie View Post
                  I acknowledge your point but I doubt if safety is not covered by Health and Safety legislation, building and fire codes, and some kind of child welfare legislation relating to supervision. Really need a definitive answer on this. For example, law dictates a car seat before anyone can take a baby home from the hospital.

                  It cannot be subjective because some people lock their kids in their rooms for "safety". I do agree with you that aside from legislated bare minimums that the discretion of the responsible parent would prevail . I am sure a concerned parent could check with their child welfare office or local social worker.
                  Check with the government to see if sharing a room or sleeping on an air mattress is legal???

                  Total stupidity

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by beebie View Post
                    I acknowledge your point but I doubt if safety is not covered by Health and Safety legislation, building and fire codes, and some kind of child welfare legislation relating to supervision. Really need a definitive answer on this. For example, law dictates a car seat before anyone can take a baby home from the hospital.

                    It cannot be subjective because some people lock their kids in their rooms for "safety". I do agree with you that aside from legislated bare minimums that the discretion of the responsible parent would prevail . I am sure a concerned parent could check with their child welfare office or local social worker.
                    I guess when you were a kid you never went to a sleep over in your friends (or cousins) basement

                    Or have you ever held a sleep over with kids where they had to share a mattress or use a sleeping bag on the floor (or air mattress).

                    ....just sayin....

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by billm View Post
                      Safety and security in this case is subjective, so it comes back to what the parent in charge thinks.
                      Furthermore to this point... You can't "anticipate" something that hasn't happened. Unless the situation can be applied to CAS' risk factors you really are only demonstrating your anxieties as a parent.

                      Trust is a huge factor after separation and divorce. You chose to have children with the other parent... You trusted them then... Why not now?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        This is a 2-layered post. Number one: sounds like Buddy moves in w/whatever bimbo is dumb enough to invite him to live with her - Yeah: that's really "way to go Daddy-o" - but aside from that EA11 has not indicated that she has withheld them at all: and yes: agree agree agree, the kids (at their ages) should feel comfortable to communicate w/their father as to how they view the "arrangements.".Seems SOME ppl are jumping to conclusions on this. IE: the suggestion that maybe he's paying sooo much support, that he's tapped out. What a load of crap. That may happen to some dads but I know of quite a few women who have been totally ripped off by their exes, and who suffers for that? Mother and child/ren, that's who. Anyone who meets someone in a couple of weeks and moves in w/them and keeps re-introducing the kids is a Dbag. End of Story. Whether male or female.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          We all do the best we can. It would be nice to have a room to oneself. But not everyone can afford or manage it. There is nothing wrong with sharing a room or sleeping on an air mattress. I grew up with three other siblings and we always had to share. We also had a very large extended family who were forever visiting/staying over, which made sleeping arrangements "interesting."

                          Like Blink said, if the children are uncomfortable about the arrangements, let them raise it with the parent directly. At age 12 and 14 they are old enough to have their own opinions about such matters and most likely will not hesitate to voice them.

                          Best of luck,

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            If there is a real concern, Child Welfare will do a home inspection.

                            Life is different from the 60's when people drove without seatbelts too and spanked their kids with wooden spoons.

                            And life on divorce planet isn't like life on intact family planet...it can exert extra obligations on parents.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by beebie View Post
                              If there is a real concern, Child Welfare will do a home inspection.

                              Life is different from the 60's when people drove without seatbelts too and spanked their kids with wooden spoons.

                              And life on divorce planet isn't like life on intact family planet...it can exert extra obligations on parents.
                              Is life different than it was 5 years ago when my daughter had her friends over for a sleepover and they slept on air mattresses in her bedroom?

                              If the situation is temporary there is no harm done, but calling Children's Aid/ Child Welfare will escalate the hostility and turn a bad situation into a worse one with no benefit to the children.

                              If this is somehow intended to permanent living arrangements with the children sleeping in hallways, then yes it is an issue, but this is not clear from the original post.

                              Comment

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