University as section 7 (long...sorry)

[arabian]

Berner_Faith has a valid point.

Is it feasible to prepare a budget for your son and submit it I wonder? Part of the CS would be for you maintaining a home for him when he comes home/not in school I've read.

I've seen issues like this published on CANLii from B.C.

OP do you or the father have university education? I've seen judges discuss that in their decisions.

[arabian]

It's sad, because his kids (the older ones, at least) really miss him, but their parents won't let him communicate with him. His dad texted him a couple of weeks ago and asked if my son was ready to talk. My son told him he was going to be at a family birthday party, and would like to keep things civil and just wants to catch up. His dad said that he doesn't want his children exposed to the situation, so they didn't end up going. Way to reject your kid.

My ex sends my son emails and facebook messages but it turns out IT IS THE G/F AND NOT THE FATHER WHO IS WRITING THE MESSAGES. Beware of this. My ex doesn't use a computer, and is literate, so the messages are quite telling.

[KMF]

Do you receive CS for this child still? I don't believe groceries are considered S7... Dad should be contributing to the tuition costs but I wouldn't bring up the whole grocery thing. Of course your son has to eat, but if Dad pays CS then it would be expected that you buy groceries.

Your best bet would be to just go for the S7 expenses and not mention the other fluff because a judge won't care about that fluff. Remember, as emotional as it is for you and your son, a Judge doesn't care about how you two feel, they only care about what the guidelines state.

No, I only raised the issue of groceries, because I can see his wife pushing to stop child support. My son still lives here much of the time. I go and pick him up many weekends, holidays, etc. I have no problem with supporting him, as he only turned 18 a few months ago. I just expect him to pay support. I expect him to have a summer job to help with tuition, but I pay for all the other stuff....clothes, food, phone, etc.

I think my ex has gotten off pretty easy for the past 17 years. We don't expect him to cover his entire education, but jeez...buy the kids some text books or something.

[KMF]

Berner_Faith has a valid point.

Is it feasible to prepare a budget for your son and submit it I wonder? Part of the CS would be for you maintaining a home for him when he comes home/not in school I've read.

I've seen issues like this published on CANLii from B.C.

OP do you or the father have university education? I've seen judges discuss that in their decisions.

I have a college diploma and my ex went to a private computer institute. The ironic thing is, he used to bitch and moan that he felt his parents should pay for his schooling and driving lessons, etc. and he's doing exactly what HE bitched about! I'll give you three guesses as to who helped him get through post secondary school. This person now has to beg for him to help support his own kid. Typical.

[arabian]

I get warm & fuzzy emails from my ex's g/f all the time (she's pretending to be ex). It's sometimes quite entertaining.

Like others have said though, you have to somehow get beyond all this crapola (with the ex's wife). It's hard when your ex is hiding behind her skirts. In the end it is him that pays, not her, so don't get sidetracked.

[KMF]

No, I don't care if it's her when it's regarding finances because I know she calls the shots in that family. I only get pissed when it affects my son. The letter said, "I am delighted you got accepted into university. I suppose this means you graduated high school". Uh....ya think? And I've never known my ex to use the word "delighted" *snort*

[arabian]

She probably sends out the condolence cards and your son falls under that category.

Ah well. Just get the money and know it will likely put a screw into her summer vacation spending.

[Serene]

I'd spend less time trying to screw the new wife over and just pursue the post secondary contributions. Honestly, if you expend energy where it shouldn't be (towards the new wife) it detracts from other things you will be doing.
Who cares who writes what. As long as they aren't death threats it's just fluff.
We get emails from the ex wife, her husband and now her mother. The delete function works great.

[KMF]

Where exactly did I say I was trying to screw over the wife?

As for writing letters, emails, texts....new wives/husbands need to butt the fuck out of it. Not their kids, not their past relationship. You know when you marry someone that they have kids and those kids have a mother or father. If you don't like the arrangement, don't marry the person. I've had two relationships that were blended families, and I managed to stay out of that part of the relationship. My job was to establish a good relationship with the kids and that was my only job. Access, support, activities, etc. was up to the parents of the kids and I let THEM handle it.

[Serene]

Actually KMF I never said YOU did. In fact I said "I'd spend less time..." so relax.

And fyi, you can turn your latter argument around: we also know our previous spouses will go on to pursue other relationships. Like it or not your children are part of another family.

If you read my post again I actually make an attempt to promote your self interests.

[standing on the sidelines]

Actually KMF I never said YOU did. In fact I said "I'd spend less time..." so relax.

And fyi, you can turn your latter argument around: we also know our previous spouses will go on to pursue other relationships. Like it or not your children are part of another family.

If you read my post again I actually make an attempt to promote your self interests.

actually serene I took it the same way that KMF did. You were in a way comparing what you would do to what you think she is doing. To say that you would spend less time, you have to have something to judge that by. Less time vs what, The time you think she is using?


I know you probably didn't mean anything bad.

[Beachnana]

Sometimes i,think we all need advanced grammar classes before posting on this forum. Serene, I read your post and thought the same, you were comparing. But then I read it again, after your explanation and saw how you were more than likely saying something different. Wow I am sure this is a really bad run on sentence or something!

[KMF]

Serene, yes, my kids are a part of other people's families. His stepmother should have been there to get to know my son, hang out with him, nurture him, etc., if that's what she wanted. That is where it needed to stop. My ex's financial obligations regarding his son and access schedules are none of her business. That is between the two parents. Her husband is not a child. He is fully capable of writing his own letters and emails. Just because my children are in her life, doesn't give her free reign to interfere in areas that don't involve her. The only reason I can see for a stepparent to communicate with the other parent (other than for cordial reasons), is because he or she is a control freak.

My son's relationship with his father is between the two of them. If I don't get involved with it, his stepmother sure as hell shouldn't. However, that is for my son to tell her now that he's 18. Her interference has done nothing but caused my son to resent her, and he wants nothing more to do with her. She has made the situation much worse than it should have been.

[Serene]

I guess the point I was trying to make is we can't control who writes what and who has what kind of relationship with whom in other people's homes... I totally get how frustrating and upsetting things can be - we get emails from the ex wife, her husband and now her mother on most everything that is really none of their business (my wedding, my pregnancy, colour of my new home, my cars, who can do homework with which child, etc.) and yes it is often upsetting. And moreso because the communications are abusive and degrading.

But I can't control it. I can't make it stop. Neither can my husband. So we can continue to worry/have our opinion about it but it is a useless way to try and control a situation.

That is all I meant - your opinion doesn't matter in their world....if they want to be a-holes they will.

[arabian]

KMF - if the ex's wife gets in the way and you have to send or communicate something important to the father I've done it via double-registered mail. That way you can be assured your ex actually gets the documents/message.

I'd recommend not communicating anything whatsoever through the ex's wife. Shut her down by shutting her out. Drives em crazy.