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The RIGHT-FIGHTER Syndrome in ODF

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  • #16
    In other words those that benefit most from this board, are those that are willing to listen to the contrary or alternative point of views, listen to the possible objections, and are able to handle posters that pull no punches in expressing their opinion forthright.

    The criticism raised here will most likely be expressed by the opposing counsel/party. You can use all this to your strength and advantage in better preparing your material, refining your argument and perhaps putting emotions aside and look at the situation objectively.

    In the end, if you are heading in to court, the only thing that is going to matter is how your evidence/story/argument is viewed by the Judge. So, if more then one person on this board points out that your argument is full of holes or has no merit, more then likely, it will be viewed the same by the presiding judge.
    Last edited by Nadia; 10-11-2012, 12:55 AM.

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    • #17
      Great post and spot on.

      I have posted on other forums when the subject of divorce or marriage comes up and been labelled a troll, a misogynist or at best a complete asshole. People who haven't been through it really have no idea... and I wish they did.

      Sometimes I wish I had had the money to drag my ex to court and fight for what is legally mine. She was set on "being right" and said her and her family didn't care what was legal they would bury me.

      In the end though, it was better to get on with my life the best I could and learn from the mistakes we both made.

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      • #18
        Wisdom and the strength/ability to move past and move on is far more valuable than fighting for (a lot of) things. There are many individuals who refuse to see the "big picture" and take no accountability for their actions. Blame, blame blame. Must be convenient to have someone else to blame for everything, all the time.

        What a tiny world one must live in, to do that.. To be that way, to remain that way. *sigh*

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        • #19
          Excerpt from R. Niebuhr's Serenity prayer (words slightly changed from original).

          God grant me the serenity
          to accept the things I cannot change;
          courage to change the things I can;
          and wisdom to know the difference.

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          • #20
            My accountant, who I met during this process, had some very wise words for me.

            He helped me with my financial disclosures and Asset evaluations.

            In the end, after the sale of our house(which I solely had made 17 years of payments on), I could pay off all the joint debt, keep my RRSP, and my STBX got a big bucket of cash. She refused to put the cash inheritence from her father, or the value of the half of a townhouse into the assets even though that is the proper process. Yes I am well aware inherited items can't be split. She also refused to accept the estimates of my pension and RRSP before our marriage - they have since melded into my locked in RRSP, and the company that would have the numbers has gone out of business.

            So in the end, depending on what numbers were accepted, she would end up owing me between 5 and 10,000.

            We had agreed verbally that when the house sold, we would split 50/50 the net, and adjust when the separation agreement was signed. She then changed her mind and directed the money in a trust to force me to sign an unbalanced SA. I had creditors all over me, and needed to free the money to keep my sanity.

            She also refused any kind of shared custody with fixed access, instead she insisted on "liberal" access at the children's acceptance.

            So I signed the SA, accepted the unfairness and moved on.

            I lamented about this to my accountant, and he wisely told me it was probably the smartest thing I could have done. To fight it would have cost me much time, energy, frustration and money. And if I gained $5000, I would probably have spent that much in legal fees to get it.

            Sometimes we need an outside perspective to see things for what they are. Life is sometimes unfair, lamenting about it won't help. Sometimes moving on and looking forward is the thing to do.

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            • #21
              I must say, this site is great. It has really helped me put a new perspective on some things. I love, even the ones I don't agree with, reading all the different replies. It really helps a person really think things through. So thank you to everybody that has replied to any of my threads, even if I didn't agree! All replies are useful in some way or another.

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