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Old 03-23-2007, 11:52 AM
momofnl momofnl is offline
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Question new here & need advice Please???

Great forum, thank God I found it!!

Long, long story, and I'll make it slightly short!!

Married 15 years, two kids 9 and 7. Was diagnosed with breast cancer 5 years ago, last year it came back in my lungs (found early), did treatment, but an infection landed me near death in the hospital for 10 weeks.

Marital Status was, we have had our ups and downs, I had thought about leaving a few years before, his verbal/anger problems nearly did me in mentally, but somehow we managed to stick it out, and I had no intentions of leaving. Then I got ill and we were hanging in together, then I was in the hospital. Lots of friends visiting etc.....He met one of my church friends and she was going through a separation. They "connected" as friends and by the time I came home from the hospital (still in a wheelchair and on IV), they had sparked a flame between them......I watched alot of this from the sidelines and put 2 and 2 together. Finally, after continually arguing, awful behaviour patterns on his part, I asked him to leave our home for a break. He complied and continued to pay all the expenses of our house/kids/cars. After the break time, I knew the relationship hadn't ended so I asked that we continue to be separated. Fast forward to now. Almost 6 months later-- He recently admitted fully to the affair and has moved in with her (wow, they move fast), and just recently bought a house with her out of town (10 mins). I was a bit shocked with all this. We decided to sell our house and I rented a nice 3 bdrm apartment, haven't moved yet, the closing date hasn't happened yet. I am trying to start up separation agreements. I have written down all the basics. I verballized this to him the other day, and he hasn't done his homework on the laws etc. I think I have a fair grasp on things.

The kids have been in my care with him visiting at our home, full access, phone calls, encouragement on my part for full participation, which he does. However, considering, that he is living with this girl with another couple, he can't take them overnight at this point, until they move into their house. (the relationship is rocky already from what he has told me). I honestly at this point know that I cannot control who he lives with, but with all the stuff my children have faced in the past year, I have provided the stable side of things. He has chosen to not even stay in a familiar city where they are schooled, play sports etc. I encourage when he moves that he has visits and overnights, but I really don't feel that a 50/50 split is going to work well for the kids. I think shared access is acceptable and I don't have issues with time spent as long as the kids aren't being driven all over the place (tiring them out) to activities, school etc. I am also on CPP (disability). So, here is what I assume:

I have custody de facto. Giving the other parent full access.
I should receive child custody according to the table (law).
I should receive some sort of spousal support since I do not make alot of money per month, but need to continue to provide on my end for the children and myself.
I believe my offer of settlement per month is very reasonable, however, he said, "I only have to pay you for half the cost of the children if I have them half." I said, you don't have them half. I have kept a time table of how much time he's spent and granted, he hasn't had the place to do more time with them, but in reality he works 7am -3:30 daily, how does he think he can manage them 50 percent of the time, out of town? He can't expect his girlfriend to do pick ups, she works full time as well. (rambling)

I just need to see if I am on the right track? I know I need to get to a lawyer to get this right, but I am taking the advice of this forum and asking here as well!

Lots of tiny details not included, but this is the just of this.
Thank you for your replies or comments.